my daughter's father is trying to turn her against me please help!

Ashley Nicole - posted on 04/05/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My daughter's father has had nothing to do with her for 8 years then out of nowhere he takes me to court for visitation. I didn't get a lawyer because i didn't think i would need one. Boy was i wrong! He had an attorney. Even though he lives out of state he was granted visitation and i have to drive half way to stop her off and pick her up. This is bazzerk! He is also 8 years behind in child support but recently started paying. Since she has started going to her dad's he has done nothing but try to turn her against me. I don't know what i should do! He also has been doing everything he can to prove me an unfit mom. His lawyer for dcs involved just by saying i drink and let my eight year old daughter drink which I'd ridiculous! Any advice?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/06/2015

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"My daughter's father has had nothing to do with her for 8 years then out of nowhere he takes me to court for visitation."~~Did he want nothing to do with her from the get go, or did you tell him that he had no right? Different sides of the story could end up being heard differently...
" I didn't get a lawyer because i didn't think i would need one" Well, that was a mistake on your part. One should ALWAYS have representation for themselves in family court.
"Even though he lives out of state, I have to drive half way to drop and pick her up". Sounds fair so far...each parent has equal right to parent and raise their child. What you are doing now is what SHOULD have been happening from day one.
" He is also 8 years behind in child support but recently started paying"~~Sorry, sweetie, but this is NOT related to his relationship with his child.

If you feel he's employing alienation techniques, document that. Otherwise? Welcome to the adult world of split relationships and co parenting.

Ashley Nicole - posted on 04/06/2015

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Trust me i have tried talking to him. I may just have to get a lawyer I just don't have that kind of money right now.

Raye - posted on 04/06/2015

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You have a visitation agreement. Great.
He has started paying support. Great.

What's stopping you from sitting down and talking about your feelings? If he is trying to unfairly influence your daughter, and trying to bring you up on false charges, that is not in the best interest of the child. Parents need to stop being so selfish, and try their best to allow the child to form their own honest relationships with both parents. If you talk to him, try to be civil, don't keep accusing him and expect him to change. You both have to be willing to listen and compromise. The past is past. You can only change the future. So you both need to quit getting bent out of shape for things that have already happened, and begin having a working co-parenting plan. That will not work if one is still being spiteful to the other. There seems to be some growing up needed, and I'm not talking about the 8 year old.

Michelle - posted on 04/06/2015

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Get yourself a lawyer and let him know what's going on. There's nothing you can do about what he says (no one can control what another person says) but you can fight the other accusations.

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