My daughter's father's girlfriend is stepping over boundaries. Anyone else going through similar situation?

Karen - posted on 09/04/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )

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My daughter's father's girlfriend has overstepped boundaries and I'm trying to figure out how to deal and communicate this with the father and deal with it personally. It's getting me really upset and boiled up.

She recently e-mailed me about that I need to respect her time because I was late in dropping off my daughter after my daughter's father already texted me about being upset about the time change. I had a last minute meeting I was called too and texted to push back the time to 30 min after the time agreed upon the night before. If they were on a tight schedule, they could've let me know the night prior and i could've arranged my BF to drop her off instead.

I told her that I don't need to be bombarded by both of them and that I drop my daugther off to her father, because he is the co-parent. She can do what she needs to do without waiting for my daugther to get dropped off. They need to discuss their frustration with each other and not have two different people message me about this. I cc:ed the father on this email, since she initially sent to me on her own.

She e-mail back re: communication, punctuality and signed it with her name and the father's. He hasn't picked up my calls or said anything during this thread.

Overall the father himself is a bad communicator, but is also allowing his girlfriend to handle a lot of things that are his responsibility. I don't feel I need to answer her, communicate with her. I sent an email to the father to let him know that I will no longer receive or respond to communication from her re: our daugther. It's his responsibility not hers and outlined additional boundaries. She did the following prior to the e-mail.

1. She showed up at all the daycare appts when the father and I were shopping for new daycares for my daughter. Made it awkard for new providers to know who was who and who to address
2. She showed up at an allergy appointment, unannounced by her or father. She took the liberty of taking my child onto her lap to hold for blood work, right in front of me without asking permission
3. She tries to tell me and my daughter how to behave when we're together (example: she told both of us to "sshhh" while in the lab waiting room)

My theory is that she's fallen in love with my daugther and has taken a mother role, but doesn't understand that I'm still around and she has no right to take over which my daugther's father has allowed her. Second, I think she's insecure in her relationship that she feels the need to assert/insert herself in these family situations to monitor my parental relationship with the father. I have no desire to be with my daugther's father. He's a horrible communicator and person and she can have him, which is why I understand why she's acting out on her insecurities.

Most of the above was to vent. But has anyone else experienced this or similar and have any advice for me? Thanks!

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