My daughter's father wants a seperate 1st birthday party since we ae not together, i need help because i want to do one party together, what can I do?

Jennifer - posted on 06/15/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Her father wants a seperate birthday party because we are not together and he and his family would feel more comfortable doing her first birthday party this way. I think its better to do a join party due to all the holidays are done seperate. I think this also has do with the fact that he has a girl friend i don't know what to do. I offered to do the party in a neutral place so everyone could feel comfortable but he still won't give in.. I need to come up with a middle ground so that we both are happy, but for the party to be joined not seperate.

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Jodi - posted on 06/16/2011

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Ah, by the time she gets married, it will be her choice, not anyone else's, how she wants to do it :) Believe me, once they get older, it is easier, because it does come down to what THEY want, and that brings different results. At the moment its the two of you arguing over what you want :)

Jennifer - posted on 06/15/2011

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Your right Jodi, cuz i told him the same we have another 17 years to disagree about other things cause i told him we r not always going to agree on everything as long as our child is happy and we get along then everything will be alright.. I also told him since u want to have everything seperate wuts going to happen when she gets married will she have two seperate weddings and receptions, he tought i was being funny but i was trying to make a point...

Jodi - posted on 06/15/2011

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Let's put it this way - you have another 17 years of this :) I think you need to find a way to be happy with what YOU have control over. You have no control over his actions, you need to sometimes let it slide, even if you aren't happy with that. Just tell yourself it isn't YOUR choice, but you can't force him to be the dad you think he should be. He will be the dad HE thinks he should be. All you can do is be the best mum possible. I do understand how hard it is, I really do. But it became much easier once I just learned to accept that he will want to do things differently than I would like sometimes, and I have no control over that, as long as it isn't hurting our son. Sometimes it frustrated the shit out of me :) So I do get it. I just think that given you have another 17 years ahead of you, pick your battles.

Jennifer - posted on 06/15/2011

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Thanks Jodi, i really need to give this some thought, i just dont want this to ruin the relationship we have, beacause i know im not going to be happy if i let him have his way.. n im going to feel some kind of way... I know is wrong but is just how i am... I hope i could come up with a solution to this..

Jodi - posted on 06/15/2011

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Personally, if it were me, I'd let it go. I don't think there is a compromise. You either have a party together, or have them separately. There really is no in-between. So you are not really looking for a compromise. You are looking for a way to make HIM agree to do it your way. And he simply doesn't want to. Unfortunately, you can plan and organise a party to have together, and he could still choose to hold something separately anyway.

Jennifer - posted on 06/15/2011

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@ Jodi but whats the big deal about it... i think since we dont share any holidays together, we should atleast share her birthday... so do u think everything should be seperate i mean we both get along so well thats y im probably making a big deal about it...

Jodi - posted on 06/15/2011

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I can't understand why you have a problem with him having a separate party. Why make it an issue? You do a party the way you want to, and just let him do his thing.

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