My daughter saw too much......

Noelle - posted on 01/23/2010 ( 42 moms have responded )

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My daughter recently walked in on us having sex, and now is TOTALLY obsessed with it!! What can I do to get her mind off of it? She will be mad one minute then silly the next. It is really frustrating!! PLEASE HELP!!

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K - posted on 02/08/2014

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My daughter walked in on an ex and I and ever since has been so extremely angry at "disgusting adults". I can't seem to say anything that makes it okay. 3 years later (she is almost 12) she still get irrationally angered at the thought of me potentially having a boyfriend or even making jokes (to friends) about kissing or more.
Please, any advice??

Carrie - posted on 01/23/2010

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All these suggestions are good but give it a week of ignoring,I mean solid ignoring and she should forget until she's older almost all kids at one time or another walk in to a situation they shouldn't see so young,But they do,To do this you will have to have you spouse on board.No facial expressions,No collapsing under nagging from her and try your best to control the color of your face.Work together if your spouse hears her ask you in advance plan for a distraction like asking her if she wants a cookie or show on and you also can do this for him.And if it continues go to your doctor and see what advice he/she can give.Because overreacting can have long time effects on her mental state and every parent no matter how uncomfortable with this subject with their kids will have to discuss it with them openly when they are old enough,that way there they know about it from you and not there peers.

Amie - posted on 01/23/2010

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oh HAHAHA I'm sorry but this is just so funny to me. Our son has caught us before. He's close to your daughters age. My husband and I sat down to talk to him. He asked questions and we answered what we could. Some we told him he needed to be a little older to answer fully. He was ok with it and dropped it after awhile. Kids are just curious and when they see/find out about something new they need answers.

I think Jodi is onto something too. She may be worried that your husband was hurting you in some way, depending on when she walked in. Ease her fears if there are any, tell her what you are comfortable with and defer what needs to be for a little while yet. It's not the end of the world but it is just one more uncomfortable aspect of parenting. LOL

Oh and buy some door locks and remember to use them! LOL!!!

Felicity - posted on 11/14/2012

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Well, Depending on her age. Well age doesnt matter i guess. sit her down and tell her she doesn't need to be worrying or talking about it. She s to young and should stay of the subject until she is married

Bekki - posted on 01/23/2010

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Dont worry about it, kids go through loads of phases, this will be one of them, in time she will forget about it, don't react strongly to her when she brings it up, she may stop playing it up if you stop reacting....

42 Comments

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Steve - posted on 09/17/2017

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She is confused. She does not understand what she saw. Have a quiet talk with her. In our house we do not hide these things from our kids. We are open about sex. We let them know that sex is healthy. And there is nothing to be ashamed of. They have seen us right in the middle of a heated session. With wife on top. So there was a lot they saw. Oh course we are nudists.

Mummy - posted on 09/25/2013

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Don't worry! I'm 13 and walked in on my parents doing it. Just tell her when a mummy and daddy love each other they have to make love to show their love!

Maddie - posted on 02/03/2013

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Tell her what happened my son saw us while it was in me he saw my boobs and everything my hubby was grabbing it and we told him that me and daddy was making love so that we can show each other how much we love each other

Maddie - posted on 02/03/2013

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Tell her what happened my son saw us while it was in me he saw my boobs and everything my hubby was grabbing it and we told him that me and daddy was making love so that we can show each other how much we love each other

Natalie - posted on 01/30/2010

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I grew up totally aware of what SEX is.I don't remember my mom every sitting down with me and explaining em things. they came up in casual conversations, like when there was something on TV and would be a good Intro.
So i'm sure at you're daughter's age which is 6, i knew quite a bit about Sex and where babies come from and i didn't loose my virginity until i was 18.

[deleted account]

I dont' know what you should do; but this is what I would do. the next time she brought it up, I would tell her that what she saw is "grown up love' or some such. Tell her that it is normal & natural and beautiful, but that only grown ups are allowed to behave like that. make sure that she can always come and talk to you about this stuff. Also, I would allay her fears that your husband was hurting you (because he wasn't - but it might have sounded & looked like that to her). a friend of mine told me that her 7-year old boy walked in on them once and would NOT look or talk to his dad because that's what he thought. he got over it and your daughter will too. be patient and don't let it freak you out. be matter-of-fact and see what happens. maybe tell her that if she has questions about this subject that it is a private topic and she needs to talk to you in private about it (no grocery-store discussions, etc). good luck!

CORSALIA - posted on 01/30/2010

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You think you got it bad-----My daughter was 15 and walked in on us----she promptly made it her business to tell her 2 brothers and demonstrate the position she caught me in----I had to try my best to lie to 3 teen-age kids-----I doubt that they fell for the lie---just had to live it down.

Janie - posted on 01/29/2010

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I'm not in your shoes yet but I will be. I have a very smart 18mnth old and she still share the bedroom with my husband and me. I've already begun to notice there are times when we are hugging or kissing when she really begins to watch. We usually just laugh and tell her mommy loves daddy and then she gets kisse too.



I think if she is 6 then it is probably safe to explain some basics. No graphic details but just let her know that it was special time between you and your husband. The quicker you are comfortable instead of embarrased the quicker she blow it off as being no big deal.



PS. Teach her to knock before coming in, Locks might not be a good idea since she is still young enough to need you at night.

Kristin - posted on 01/28/2010

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How to respond to her is so age dependant. Be honest with her about what was happening, but you can leave out the graphic detail. Unless she is on the verge of puberty, she doesn't need to know much more than this is another way for Mom and Dad show each other they love each other. Answer only the questions she asks and keep it age appropriate. If she is being silly, she may be picking up on your embarassment. It might be easier to talk about it while doing something else; puzzles, in the car, getting dinner ready.



If it makes you feel any better, I'm being hounded by a 4 year old boy on how did the baby get in my tummy. As weird as it feels to tell him, I always answer sex and then he is done with it.



Last thought, lock the door for future grown up time!

Tiffany - posted on 01/27/2010

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my oh my u have a stubborn little princess on ur hands lol i am a mother of 4 and have raised another womans 4 children so with my 8 children my husband & i have been through this a few times, when the oldest child in my home who is 10 now, was 6 she came home to me telling me about walking in on her mom, i explained to her then about sex because her mom made a big deal out of it and she was upset she too had seen her father beat her mother :( after our talk she seemed satisfied and she stopped talking about it after a few days, my son caught my husband and i last year, he was 8 at the time, with boys being different then girls he didn't want to talk about it but we did anyway to keep his little mind from wandering..... having raised many children and been where u are i would strongly suggest talking to her about sex and the love that mommys & daddys share, i wouldn't be too worried about it causing her to come home pregnant at 14 b4 then she will have taken sex-ed in school and/or even talked about it with friends, i believe that if a girl has a good understanding about sex while growing up it will help her to make better & safer choices when she chooses to become sexualy active, she can sence ur disscomfort about this and thats y she wont drop it, if u feel strongly against talking about sex with her at age 6 then u could try changing the subject and/or asking her to do something for u or with u that would take her mind off it but it will take alot longer for her to let it go if u don't talk about it, the questions will keep resurfacing untill she gets answers that she can believe, i wish u the best of luck with this Noelle!! and my appoligies for my poor spelling lol

Jeanne - posted on 01/27/2010

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Most parents have had this happen to them at one time or another. You don't mention your childs age but if she is old enough to talk about it, then she is old enough to be taught to knock and waiting for an answer before she enters your room. Don't make a big deal about it and if she talks about it just tell her that what she saw is a special way for mommies and daddies to show their love. Sometimes that explanation is enough. If you make a big deal about it she'll keep doing it because she gets more attention that way and what child doesn't want more attention...whether it be good or bad? In time this will stop, she is learning, discovering and trying to make sense of everything she sees and hears.



P.S. : I caught my parents in bed when I was about five (not that I understood at the time) and years later when I did I was embarassed...so she might come to you a few years down the road with that.

Amber - posted on 01/26/2010

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tell her you were just wrestling! and every time she brings it up, change the subject to something she likes like, "hey wanna go make cookies?"

Jodi - posted on 01/23/2010

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Noelle, stop lying to her and tell her the truth. Kids are much smarter than we give them credit for. She knows you aren't being truthful, that may be one reason she is bugging the heck out of you.

Noelle - posted on 01/23/2010

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Oh and even better yet, she keeps waking up at night now, and like last night, she was like, mommy, why were you breathing funny, I said, I was having a bad dream..... she is like, no you weren't. I just wanna tell her to shut up and stop arguing with me! If I say something that is what I said now drop it!

Candice - posted on 01/23/2010

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see, i don't really believe in telling kids stories (like the seed in the belly button...although it was kinda funny) because as they get older they have trouble understanding the truth. Kids assume parents are gods...what they say is truth. kids will believe your story to the end...even if it's wrong.

i think 6 is a surprisingly intelligent age, and the best way to start would be to say "you obviously have questions about what you saw, what is it you would like to know?"
take her somewhere where you and her can talk openly and securely, and let her ask her questions. you need to try to be honest. Because i don't know specifically what she is asking, i'm not sure i can tell you what i would say, but telling her that those parts are private but that when adults love eachother they share private things...and this is one of those things. explain how it works, if she wants to know, geeze, show her a diagram if you have to... and explain that it's how babies are made and that's why only adults do it because only adults can take care of babies. and explain that because it's a private thing, she can't come into the bedroom if the door is closed anymore, but she can knock and you will come if she needs you. And tell her that if she has anymore questions to come to you. Maybe if you let her get it all out, she may drop it.

truth is...i know my mom was ridiculously open with me about sex, and i know that when it came time, i could tell her anything. her advice in this stage and later on is NEVER look shocked or your kids will stop coming to you. she was the master. she did,however, not really go into the details.(that i recall). I think as they get older, details are necessary...especially regarding protection from disease and pregnancy, and details about the emotional consequences of it all. your six year old probably won't be thingking about all that right now...but keep it in mind for the future.

[deleted account]

My suggestion would be to either sit her down and talk to her about it- no lies, no princess stories- the truth- but in kids' terms. I honestly don't know how to go about telling something like this in kids' terms- but if she does go to school, I would go and talk to someone in the school- like an admission counselor, etc- and ask them how to go about talking to her about it in kids terms- because she won't 'let it go' and wants to know! There is nothing wrong with telling her, but to her level, of course. I bet that Amazon.com has books on it. Oh, gosh, good luck and keep all of us posted, we'll all be in your shoes sooner or later...

Lara - posted on 01/23/2010

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Our 6 year old has caught us before (she was 4 and proceeded to tell everyone that mommy and papa did yoga together naked, and then at age 5 asked us if we took showers together so we could play barbies in the water). I'm all for the upfront/honest approach as long as it is age appropriate. As we are currently pregnant, she asked us how baby got in there. We got a couple books out of the library, read thru them together, and talked about it. It's a conversation we will have to have numerous times, I'm sure but I really feel that if you are honest about it, it's okay.

Diana - posted on 01/23/2010

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Your girl sounds like she has witnessed somethings even before this that has had her little mind clocking over, she is to mature at this point to drop it. She knows that something is up. She sounds like she is ready for some heart to heart talks with you, not heavy but just open. Sit her down and ask her what she thinks she saw, ask her why she wants to mention it all the time. This way you can tell her as much as you need to and no more. Say things like, 'it must have looked funny the way daddy was cuddling me, or rubbing my back?'. 'Why dad and I cuddle this way behind closed doors is because thats something that we only want to share together, you know?'. Because you didn't knock on our door first and wait for us to say you could come in, you must have thought we looked real silly right?. 'You can talk about it right now with me and then after this we are not going to talk about again, ok? So let her ask all of her questions and come up with some clever but apprpriate answers, and hopefully you dont have to wait long before she finds a new topic,lol.Good luck!

Leslie - posted on 01/23/2010

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My children are 10 and 8. My eldest child walked in on my husband and I when he was around 6; the same age as your daughter. He asked what we were doing and we sat down and talked to him about sex; in a manner a 6yo could understand and that what he saw was natural, but not to be done at his age but when he gets married, yada yada. My suggestion is to talk to your child about what she saw. Ask her if she has questions and answer then HONESTLY. No beating around the bush. The sooner your child knows the propper words for the human genitalia and how babies are made, then the less she'll act silly about it. Communication is key at a young age. Better to learn from the parents then from her friends as she gets older. To avoid future embarrasment, LOCK THE DOOR and tell her that when the bedroom door is shut, she is not allowed in. Works for me.

Geminis - posted on 01/23/2010

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Do not make a big deal out of it. Let your daughter know it is something that grown ups do, it depends on her age but a little more easing might need to be given in this subject. It is something natural but is also something very embarrassing at the same time too when an unfortunate incident like this happens.

[deleted account]

My 6 year old has walked in on us multiple times, usually i distract her or tell her something else that she would like to hear..not much u can do, it happens, just don't stress to much over it!!

Dena - posted on 01/23/2010

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I have been a foster parent for 5 years now and sometimes we have had children that act out in certain ways (like maybe they have saw someone have sex), We were told by the professionals to not make a big deal out of it and if anything comes up about it to redirect their attention to something else,Hope this helps.

Chelsea - posted on 01/23/2010

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i would just tell her the truth, tell her its a secret in the house though, she cant tell other children because its their mommy and daddy's job to tell them about sex like it is yours. tell her what you want her to know about her not having her do it, because kids that young start a imagination and experiment , which is normal, but not great to deal with, when you find out that her friends and her were playing doctor.

Jodi - posted on 01/23/2010

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You know, if she remember your ex beating you, maybe she is worried that your husband was hurting you? Honestly, I think you need to be truthful with her. I know she is only 6, but given you've been caught out, it probably needs to be done at a very basic level. Perhaps you could see if you can get hold of the book "Where Did I Come From?" - it may be helpful for you because it is aimed at a very young level.

Noelle - posted on 01/23/2010

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I told my daughter her daddy put a seed in my belly button and I had to drink a lot of water to keep it healthy.....

Noelle - posted on 01/23/2010

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Seriously, what do you think it is safe to start telling her now though. I think when I was her age my mom told me almost everything, but then I also lost my virginity at 14......

Jenn - posted on 01/23/2010

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we had to talk to our 5 year old about sex, he asked how did his baby sister get in my tummy. we asked him how did he think he said that we both huged each other and that we LOVE each other a lot. then we asked god for a baby and BAM the baby was here. after that he didnt ask us again.
maybe just tell her that is a way mommys and daddys love each other and only mommys and daddys do it simple.

Noelle - posted on 01/23/2010

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She will be like ewwww. Then again, I don't want her to come home pregnant at 14......

Candice - posted on 01/23/2010

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haha, you could always try the other route and say "ok...let's sit down and talk about it!" ask her what she saw and and discuss it. freak her out with your willingness to discuss it in detail. that may stop her! haha.

Noelle - posted on 01/23/2010

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I wish she would forget, but she doesn't forget anything. She remembers when her father (before I was divorced) used to beat me, and I thought that she was too young to remember that! She was just barely 3 then!! I thought that they didn't start remembering things until they turned 3. She is like a sponge! I am just going to have to talk to her a little more.

Juvy - posted on 01/23/2010

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how old is your daughter? just try to explain to her in a simple manner /explanation. Tell her that this thing ( sexual union ) is only allowed for married couples ( husband & wife / Mommy and Daddy ) and its not good for little girls like her to see this coz its not normal for a child to indulge in this matter. time will come that she will forget this if she said something about it dont entertain it instead divert her attention to something that she can forget what she saw......



hope this can help

Noelle - posted on 01/23/2010

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yeah, we did that, this happened days ago, she is 6 and she is just making me crazy. I didn't make a big deal about it at all! She just won't drop it! She actually came in as soon as I posted this and said something about it. I said he was rubbing my back, I mean she is 6, and got a good look!! I told her that big girls let things go and she isn't acting like she wants to be a big girl and I am going to start taking things away from her. IDK!!!

Jennifer - posted on 01/23/2010

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ah! difficult situation there!!! how old is she?

my 9 year old recently said that she wanted a baby brother (she has 4 sisters) and said to get one mummy and daddy needed to have more sex!!! i was gobsmacked what do you say in that situation?? she like yours then goes all silly and you cant talk to her.

i feel she is still to young to talk about babies and every thing but know its gonna happen soon

Brittany - posted on 01/23/2010

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How old is she? If she is old enough you can explain this is something that mommys and daddys do to show that they love each other and only mommys and daddys do it. Let her know it is totally natural but that little people shouldnt do it, and when she gets older you will explain more. Or when she brings it up then change the subject or get her attention to something else..She will eventually lose interst in it if you don't react.

Dominique - posted on 01/23/2010

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Never had this happen, but I am sure I will! I read that if your child walks in on you to not make a big deal out of it and invite the child on the bed. Of course with you and your spouse under the covers! I hope this helps!

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