My daughter thinks I hate her.

Becky - posted on 08/30/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My oldest daughter is 27. She had an abortion at 17. She lost a baby during her first marriage, which she got married because she was pregnant - divorced 2 months after losing the baby. She married her second husband after knowing him for 6 weeks and moved to Hawaii with him. He was in the military. She was pregnant within 2 months and during her 7th month of pregnancy he asked her for a divorce. She moved back home. I helped take care of my granddaughter, who is now 4, for the first year of her life because my daughter worked. My daughter had multiple men in and out of her life, 7 or 8 to be exact, I lost count. She moved 13 times within the first two years of my granddaughters life. She met an ex-con/drug addict who had just gotten out of prison 6 months before she met him. She was living with him within the first month of meeting him and moved an hours away, taking my granddaughter. Within 6 months she was married and pregnant again. She now has a 1 year old and going through another divorce. Since separating with the last husband - #3, she has been with 3 different men - moved into the first guys house, with my granddaughters - that lasted about 3 weeks and she was back living with her grandma, my mother. She is a talented and beautiful girl. She has tattoo's and piercings and always falls for any man who tells her she is beautiful. She has tried beauty school on two different occasions and college two different times. I am married to husband #3 and have been for 9 years. My first husband, her father, was physically and mentally abusive to me - not my daughter. We were married for 7 years. My daughter was 6 when we divorced. After a year I met my second husband and had another child. We were also married 7 years - we were more friends than spouses so we decided to look for happiness elsewhere. My oldest daughter has always been difficult. Lying, stealing, dressing inappropriately, smoking at the age of 13....I could go on. She had her first tattoo at 17, when she graduated High School. I signed for it and asked her to promise not to get anymore....20 tattoos later....she is covered. We are VERY different. When she was 12 I slapped her across the face for throwing a tantrum in Wal-Mart when I wouldn't get her what she wanted. When she was 13 I hit her for her continuous lying to me and she fell into the dishwasher. It scared me because I was so angry. I called a local church and they recommended a therapist to help us. We completed 6 sessions. The lying continued. When she was 14 she would sneak out of the house or tell me she was staying with a friend and not be there.....I had to call the police on one occasion. I threw her into a wall and threatened to beat her. No counseling after that. I am at a loss. I know I constantly criticize her because of the choices/decisions she continues to make. My grandchildren have both been diagnosed with different disorders. I know some of those disorders are genetic, however, the choices my daughter continues to make do not help them at all. My 4 year old granddaughter is starting her 3rd preschool, not to mention the multiple sitters she has been to. I told her she is a bad mom for continuing to subject them to this type of behavior. I have such a bond with the 4 year old. She tells me the things that her Mommy does now. The two of them have a very strained relationship. We continue to butt heads about her choices which involve my grandchildren. I told her to leave the other day, because of her tone and the things she was saying and told her she is not welcome in my home anymore. Of course she has now taken my grandchildren away. Dear God....what can I do???

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Becky - posted on 08/31/2013

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Everyone tells me that. Now I want someone to tell me how to take the pain away when I see what it is doing to my grand children.

Michelle - posted on 08/31/2013

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She is 27 and you can't control her life. She's the one that has to learn from her mistakes.
Telling her she is a bad Mother (no matter what she has done) is a sure fire way of getting her out of her life. NO Mother wants to hear that.
I think you need to step back and stop trying to tell her how to live her life. She has made her choices and she needs to live with them.

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