my daughter thinks she is gay

Larissa - posted on 10/20/2013 ( 11 moms have responded )

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This is a tough subject for me. I love my daughter very much, but because of my faith I am stuggling with this. She is only 13 and thinks that this is what she is. Even if she can not say it. I know that she has liked boys and has her heart broken by a crush.
Her best friend came out to her and then my daughter decided that she was gay as well. I fear she is doing it so as to not lose her friend. Whom she says makes her happy. I know that things are moving way to fast. in everyway.
My hsband and I have asked and told her to take a break from this.We feel she needs time to think and to figure this out. She has spent almost everyday or every moment texting her this summer. She has been fighting us every step of the way. We have taken her phone away&grounded her. I just dont know what to do any more. I am tired of being sad, depressed, angry and scared all the time.

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Joanna - posted on 12/09/2013

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Same thing is happening in my house right now with my oldest. We just found some youtube links and text messages that left us shocked. She was always such a good, "by the book" kid... we trusted her so much, then we realized that her friend who is ready to come out, has been clearly influencing her... I'm just hoping and praying that its just a temporary influence. I'm so depressed - its so hard to understand. I know she liked boys in the past but has always been painfully shy around them, now I find poetry in her room about being in love with a girl...We told her that this needs to stop and that she needs to focus on her studies, that's its way to early to figure this out. I'm praying that its just a phase. One of the things that concern me, is that every time we sit down as a family to watch "family friendly" show - there is a gay theme interjected everywhere. We usually just ignore it, now its hard to do. It seems that it's all around us now - part of life. I read statistics that 5% of population is gay, yet seems that 50% of media is influenced! My husband and I are meeting with a family therapist this week - looking for some guidance on how to deal with this.... at this point, I'm clueless, heartbroken, terribly worried, mourning the future I had in my dreams for her :(

Juanita - posted on 08/24/2014

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After looking up internet history on my 12 year old daughters ipad we had a talk to her to find out why she googled some of the things that she did (girls in love, 12 year old girl who likes girls, etc). Her reply is that she likes girls more then boys. We aren't fussed about her choice, after all it is her choice. We're not going to make her change her sexuality as we want her to be herself and to happy about it and that in turn makes us happy. She was a bit upset about liking girls as during sex ed at school they learnt that there are gay people and most of the kids were saying how gross it was and that gays are creepy and wrong. This has made her decide to not tell anyone at school (once again its her choice). We did tell her that its ok if she is gay or even bisexual and that she could have told us cos we love her and are proud of her no matter what. We had a great talk to her and now she is so much more at ease with herself. We also mentioned that she might like girls now and later like boys and then girls again or she might just like girls forever, puberty is a confusing time for kids and that she can expect lots of physical and emotional changes. We have gay friends, both males and females, and we love them like family and so does my daughter. We are open minded and not religious (which is why we are happy with her being whoever she wants to be).

Joanna - posted on 12/09/2013

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I don't think its a question of accepting it as much as learning how to deal with it and what to do for now. I'm sure if that is indeed the case, loving parents will accept it. These girls are still extremely young and in case of my daughter - very naive and inexperienced. She says that she is just curious, trying to justify some feelings. I'm reading that at that age with raging hormones, bi-curiosity is normal. I don't recall going though it, but it was so long ago not as widely accepted... I believe this is way too early. If she come to me as an adult and tells me - mom, I'm gay - fine. But at 13 or 14, extremely shy kid who didn't experience life and never acted remotely interested in the same sex? Way to early! They are still children? Our society is becoming over sexualized! Its flaunted in their face every day!

Eraina - posted on 10/20/2013

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I say, because you have a faith to really pray and ask God to direct your paths, i am christian myself and PRAYER WORKS! i found out many many times even when it dont seem like it, but it does, as God is real and does care and understand EVERYTHING! HE LOVES YOU AND FAMILY. So hang in there and keep praying and do His will :-) and you will see GOD WORK!
Proverbs 3:6
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/09/2013

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If you cannot accept your children's sexuality, may I recommend that you get yourselves into counseling.

Telling your kids that they are "wrong" to feel that way is, well, WRONG. Are you that person? ARe you in their shoes? Then how do you know what is right or wrong for them? Answer: You do not.

However, you have a child that has shared with you that they are questioning their sexuality. You can either really screw them up by trying to "fix" them, or you can learn how to help them handle it and move forward in a loving environment.

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Jennifer - posted on 07/13/2017

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I had a good friend in high school who told me she was bi when she got to college she said she was a lesbian. Soon right after she graduated from college she introduced me to her fiancé the man she was going to marry. we are attracted to people by personality not by gender so your daughter could go to that very same scenario let them figure out their life people change many different times.

[deleted account]

I agree with Eraina. Pray and ask God to guide your steps, and God will do just that. Wishing you and your family the best.

Susan - posted on 07/27/2016

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Larissa,

It's great that you are concerned about your daughter's well-being, even if you don't agree with her choices. But, I do not think that your daughter make such a life-changing decision just because her friends made that decision. If you are punishing her and she continues to stand by her choice, I think that it is clear that she is gay and you should not punish her further. You need to move past your disagreements and accept her unconditionally.

Yasmine - posted on 03/14/2016

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Look, I know that you don't necessarily support your daughter but you have absolutely no right to punish her for her sexuality. And, there is no reason for you to try and 'fix' her. I say let your daughter be herself. I have a lovely wife and adopted daughter and although my daughter Altari is only two I still know that she believes in homosexual pride, and well, that's more than I can say for you.

Avery - posted on 12/27/2014

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I don't mean to be rude but please dont let your "faith" influence your opinion of another person's sexuality. Accept children for who they are. When you tell them that "it's wrong" do you honestly think that you're helping them? Imagine the only two people you loo up to in the world, yelling at you about an involuntary aspect of yourself, such as your eye color or shoe size!It's rude and not helpful! If you're not ready to accept your child for who they are than you're not ready to be a parent.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/09/2013

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Actually, 12, 13, 14...is the exact ages when sexual curiosity pops up. And that hasn't changed. I'm 43 now, was bicurious in HS (mid 80s). Not unusual at all. But, if you tell them, or give them any indication that you would have difficulty accepting them, they'll start to close you out now.

Even a phrase as simple as "i think that you are too young to worry about this" indicates that you aren't ready to hear them out...

I'm just saying be careful with how you express yourselves to your children who may be coming out to you.

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