My daughter told me my husband (stepdad) has touched her in her private places, what should I do?

Gabriela - posted on 09/08/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I Know I want to keep my daugher safe, I don't know if it is true what she is saying, I don't want to risk it, but I also don't want to hurt the feelings of someone who didn't do anything. My 5 years old girl told me my husband has touched her, which on her front and behind, I asked her if it hurted, she said no, I asked her if he does it often she said, not too ofter. I know my daugher doesn't have a reason to lie, I know my daugher is the most importante person in my life, but what if is not true? what is my husband didn't do that? what is my daugher is overreacting? I will take her to therapy because I do want to get to the bottom of this. As soon as my daugher told me I felt the house and just didn't say anything to my husband. Should I tell him what my daugher say? should give him the benefit of the doubt? I want to do the best for my daugher.



Please advice.



Thanks !!!

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Gabriela - posted on 09/08/2012

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I feel horrible, she actually likes my husband. I just spoke to my husband, I did tell him what my daughter said, but I said she didn't mention any names, then he said if you think it could have been me, please let me take a lie detector test. He has been calling me since I left the house without any explantion,he said he got hurt by my reacction of not sharing this with him, that now he feels like an outsider, he said why I didn't tell him about this situation, that we are a family and he would have liked be taken into considation, he shows affection for my daughter at all times, but once again, why would my daugther lie? I asked her if it hurt she said no, I asked her what he said afterwards , she said he laughed. I really don't know what to do ... =.( I love my husband, he is absolutely wonderful, with the both of us. Please help...

Dove - posted on 09/08/2012

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You either take your daughter out of that house immediately or you ask him to leave for now. I don't think I would tell him exactly why because whether it is true or not he will try and convince you that she's lying... and she doesn't need you to doubt her right now. Then you set up an appointment with her doctor and find a good counselor that specializes in children who've been sexually abused.... they will help you get to the bottom of this.



First of all, and most importantly, you hug your daughter, thank her for telling you, and repeatedly reassure her that it is NOT her fault and that you will always be there for her no matter what.



'Most' 5 year olds will not lie about something like this and if a 5 year old IS lying about something like this.... something else major is going on and she needs your help and support regardless.

Esther - posted on 09/08/2012

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Thats terrible, why would your daughter lie to you. Deffiantly don`t wait, take charge right away. Don`t send her therapy, why give her a reason to think she did something wrong. It may be the fact that she doesn`t like her step-dad and is trying to get rid of him but she`s so young. I think you should talk to him and make sure that she is in no danger after that because many things can happen to a sexually abused child. Try reading the book shattered, its a child chapter book about a girl who was sexually abused

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Lacye - posted on 09/09/2012

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Dr. Phil said it best when he said, "I would rather be wrong 100 times than to be right just that once."



Even if it is not true, you HAVE to figure out what is going on. Not just for your daughter's sake, but for your own. Do you really think you would be able to live with yourself if it came out in the end that he really did do it and you did nothing about it? He will just have to understand that you have to take this seriously. You are first and foremost, HER mother. Being his wife comes second. He will just have to understand that.

Mary - posted on 09/08/2012

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A five year old wouldn't make something like that up. Better to leave now and be sure than to stay and ruin her innocence. She needs to see a counselor and a doctor immediately. Your husband's feeling should not even be a consideration at this point, and only a parent can understand what I mean when I say that. I know how hard this must be for you but please do what is in your daughter's best interest, and that is keeping her safe no matter what.

Dove - posted on 09/08/2012

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Of course he's going to say he didn't do it. What did you expect?! Oh yeah honey, I've been molesting your daughter... sorry, did I forget to tell you?



PLEASE keep her out of that house and away from him.



Him offering to take a lie detector test is a good sign... Hold him to that AFTER you've spoken to her doctor and a counselor, but in the meantime.... keep her away from him completely.

Esther - posted on 09/08/2012

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i think dove gave an amazing answer. hug her and let her know that you apprecaite her telling you and get out first. Leave the house because whether he is lying or not he will deny it. leave the house and get him to take that lie detector test and get her help

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