My daughter wants to go out alone with her boyfriend

Rosie - posted on 01/13/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Well my son told me that his sister Paris wanted to go out alone with her boyfriend and he said that she told him not to say anything about it to me.He couldn't hide a secret like that from me.So I talked to her and she told me everything and I didn't honestly know what to say,so I talked to her dad and he said that she should that's a good idea because she's getting older.But she's only 11 so I don't know what (their thinking about doing) to do what should I do??I don't want this to turn out bad

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Chet - posted on 01/13/2014

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Whatever time your daughter spends with this boy, you and your husband should be in agreement with the boys parents about what is appropriate.

At 11, with a kid I knew, and who my daughter had known for long time, I would probably be comfortable with things like walking home from school together, running an errand together (like going to the corner store for snacks), etc. Most of the time spent together should probably be at somebody's house with parents at home, or as part of a group... similar to what I would expect with 11 year old friends.

I don't think socially segregating boys and girls until they reach a magic age helps kids to develop healthy relationships with the opposite sex. Parents worry about kids growing up too fast and teenagers being sexually active, but honestly, girls with good self esteem, strong family relationships, and who are doing well school tend to make good choices about sex and dating on their own.

A lot of kids have their first kiss at 11 or 12. It's possible that your daughter just wants enough time alone for that!

Chet - posted on 01/13/2014

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It sounds like you've got a strong and healthy family. I think it's really good that your daughter feels that she can confide in her brother, that your son knows when he needs to go to you with a situation, and that your daughter spoke openly with you when you approached her about it.

I would be very hesitant to say no flat out, since that's likely to force her underground. But if she didn't want to tell you she probably has some sense that 11 is a bit young for dinner and a movie with your boyfriend.

Have you met the boyfriend? How does she know him? Do you know his parents? How long have they been "together"?

I might start by stalling... we need to meet the boyfriend, he should spend some time at our house, and if his parents are okay with it, and he's still the boyfriend in month (since 11 year old relationships don't last that long), maybe they could do something small together - like go and get ice cream.

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Jodi - posted on 01/13/2014

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Didn't you already ask a similar question about your 11 year old dating? Did you just not like the answers?

My response? Are you kidding me? 11 is WAY too young for going out with a boy on her own.

Rosie - posted on 01/13/2014

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Yes I have meet him and she's known him for a long time,yes I do know his parents and 5 days

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