My daughter wants to join a soccer team but she kind of sucks.

Shannon - posted on 01/28/2014 ( 16 moms have responded )

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My 11 year old daughter recently told me that she would like to join the soccer team at her school. The only problem is that she isn't exactly the most coordinated girl in the world. Actually strike that. She isn't coordinated at all. I love the girl but she is not an athlete. I lettered in high school and was on a lot of the sports teams but her father, well, i didn't meet him till i had some trouble with my computer... he fixed it. She got his athletic jeans. How do i tell her she can't try out?

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Rebekah - posted on 01/28/2014

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I wanted to be on the volleyball team in high school. I'm not an athlete either, but I really loved the game. I practiced, I tried out, and it was several days of vigorous effort... and I didn't get in. I was disappointed for sure, but that experience was more useful to me than if I hadn't tried out because of parents discouraging me. If I hadn't tried out, I might have an unrealistic idea of what I "could have done" if I had only tried out, and may have been resentful of my parents for holding me back. I don't know if you are trying to protect her from potential rejection or embarrassment, but its ok for kids to experience these life lessons and go from there. Encourage her successes and motivation and be supportive when life gets hard. Kids grow from difficult experiences if you can show them how. Protecting her from disappointment doesn't allow her the chance to learn how to handle it when it inevitably happens.

And what if she's accepted? Or what if, through this process she picks up another role, like a team manager, or someone to help assist the team in another way? She's trying to find her way. Let her.

Sherika - posted on 01/30/2014

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You dont. Let the child go for it. We as parents should encourage our kids. And even if she is on the bench most of the season....let her play.Give her some pointers since you were such an athletic. Besides, it excerise.

Shannon - posted on 01/29/2014

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ok now im starting to get bored. alright sorry. thank you all for your opinions. you all have proven to be pretty decent moms. i congratulate you for sticking to your virtues. truth is im not a good mom. im not a mom at all. my 11 year old is my sister. im 17. coleman isnt even my last name. i was just trying to have fun and i kind of did. i got a good laugh with my friends at school. by the way you dont need help from any other mothers online. you seem to know already what the right thing to do is. you were fantastic. allons-y! geronimo! #DoctorWho love you all. ;) peace out! ♥

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Jodi - posted on 01/29/2014

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I must admit, I just got to the line where you called your kid a loser and my first instinct was that this HAD to be a troll. I've still got it, because it turns out I was right :)

Michelle - posted on 01/29/2014

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It sounds like you are embarrassed by her. I can't believe that a Mother wouldn't be supportive of anything that her child wants to try.
The line you have written "I dont want her to ruin my legacy at the school." is very sad for a Mother to say.
I was an athlete at school and I have 3 children that I encourage all the time to try their best. That's the most I can do as a Mother. 1 of my boys is a very good runner, like I was, and the other isn't. He still enjoys the sports days at school though and I cheer him on.
I wasn't academic at all in school and my Mother tried to get me to drop out a year before I did but I had to learn that myself. I have done very well with my life though but I still think I'm stupid like my Mother had told me I was. Discouraging your daughter now can have a lifelong effect on her self esteem.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/29/2014

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Oh, no I get it, you wanted us to tell you what to say:

Repeat after me: "You want to go out for soccer? Cool! I played when I was in school! Try your hardest, and remember to have fun!!!"

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/29/2014

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No, healthy, happy families is what we're striving for.

I'm sorry your daughter isn't as 'perfect' as you'd like her to be. Hope you're ready to take her for a lot of counseling. Like I said, I WAS your daughter, and yes, I love my dad, but that behaviour from him, that belittling and telling me I wasn't good enough...not acceptable, and will never be forgiven.

Best of luck with your "perfection"...

I'll stick with my happy, mentally healthy family, thanks.

Shannon - posted on 01/29/2014

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Well isnt perfection what we are striving for? Ive gotten myself this far and im happy.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/29/2014

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And now, reading the rest of your responses, I see that mine was spot on.

You don't want her to ruin your "legacy" at the school? Oh please. You HAD YOUR TIME. Now it's HER TURN. She's a loser? Seriously? Way to help your kid's self esteem there. Would you like me to introduce you to my father, so he can tell you how it feels to have your kid ream you a new one after they grow up because you were so damned insensitive and stuck up about being a jock while she was growing up?

I say if she wants to try, let her! And good luck to her!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/29/2014

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Why discourage her? My father sounded exactly like you: "you can't do that, you're not coordinated enough". Would you care to know what that did to my self esteem?

You don't KNOW what your kid is capable of until you allow her to try. Team sports, as you well know, is a VERY good activity, whether you are coordinated or not!

My kids are consummate clutzes. We all know and laugh about this. But, when my youngest wanted to play soccer, I let him. Was he good? No, but he had FUN. He was ACTIVE. He made FRIENDS. When he wanted to advance to football, I let him. Was he an outstanding tackle? Nope, sure wasn't, more likely to trip over his feet, actually, but again, he was part of a team, he was accepted and befriended by new people, and those friendships endure now, even tho he hasn't played ball in years.

By not allowing your children to participate in sports, because you don't "think they're good enough to", you are basically telling your children that they are losers, even if you don't say it to their faces. Not good parenting there.

Let your kid play soccer. Let her experience being on a team. Just because you were an a-one jock doesn't mean she has to be, but just because you think she's not "good enough" doesn't mean that she still won't learn valuable skills, and make a few new friends in the process.

What's more important? Your image? Or your child's happiness and wellbeing?

Sorry, hon, but parents who discourage their kids on the basis of "you're not 'good' enough", or "you don't have the right skills" or "you're too clumsy" aren't very good role models, TBH. You're showing your kid that perfection is more important than attempting something new. Way to go.

Jamie - posted on 01/29/2014

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I would let her try out. Let her have fun. She's a kid! Who cares if she sucks. If she wants to try then at least let her try!

Shannon - posted on 01/29/2014

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Well! It's not like i called her a loser to her face. Don't you all think your kids arent good enough at least a little? Come on if your real mothers you should all know that your kids can do great things. Dont you have high standards? Well i know my daughter can do great things but soccer is not of them. And thank you rabekah for being blunt. I respect that.

Kayla - posted on 01/29/2014

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Why would you ever call your daughter a loser?? Mothers are supposed to support and encourage their children.

Rebekah - posted on 01/29/2014

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You asked for our opinion, and mine is to use the words, "Go for it, honey, and try your best!"

Sounds like you are more worried about your own embarrassment than hers. Who exactly are you trying to impress? I don't even know how to respond regarding the fact you called your own daughter a "loser."

Her not making the team should do nothing to your "legacy." Your legacy is still yours. Any mature person would understand that children are not necessarily carbon copies of their parents, nor would they mock you for your daughter not "living up" to your athletic abilities. And those who would? Their opinion shouldn't matter one bit to you. Focusing on parenting your daughter and encouraging her efforts should be more of a priority to you than protecting something that she can't even hurt anyway.

Maybe she's trying to please you, or even be like you by going out for the team. Don't they still teach that it isn't all about winning? She doesn't have to match your accomplishments. But she can learn the same lessons I imagine you did about sportsmanship and teamwork. Or, as I said, handling disappointment. She shouldn't have to handle YOUR disappointment over this. Sorry if I'm being blunt, but I don't share your point of view. I hope you reconsider your position.

Shannon - posted on 01/29/2014

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So your telling me that i should let my daughte try out for the soccer team? But she's kind of a loser. I dont want her to ruin my legacy at the school. I really need help.i just want to make this little fantasy of her's to end. Please just tell me what to say.

Jodi - posted on 01/28/2014

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You don't. Why would you tell her she can't try out? Just because she isn't good at it now, doesn't mean she won't get something out of it. She's 11 - she knows this is what she wants. Let her have a go at it. But what you have posted here is no excuse for telling her she can't do it. The only way she will ever figure out who she is and what she is capable of is to give things a go and make up her own mind.

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