my daughter wants to see me happy and cheery..

Sarwat - posted on 04/22/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )

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my 11 year old daughter wants to see me smiling and respond to all of her school stories , whereas i spend most of my time occupied with thinking about how to make both ends meet with limited finances..the responsibilities dont let me laugh and have funtime with kids.i want to know how other moms cope with this?

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Ledia - posted on 04/22/2015

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You need to compartmentalize the different aspects of your life.

I don't have financial worries, but like you, we ALL have big issues going on in our lives that worry us, stress us out, and affect our moods, but if we are not careful, we can pass that stress onto our children, and that can have a very negative effect on their self esteem, confidence, security, and self value.

Look at it this way: You are worried about your cash flow, and that is stressful, but you have options and the power to use them--you can rearrange things, plan meals around sales and coupons, go without this or that for a time, do something to earn a little extra income, etc etc. I don't know what you'll do, but I know you'll make it work, and you know it too, you just have to figure out how.
Your daughter, on the other hand, sees that you are worried about your cash flow as well, she is pretty confident you will figure it out, but she is powerless to help with that issue. She can't rearrange your finances, she doesn't yet know how to plan meals around sales, she can't get a job, etc. She is clinging to her relationship with you--no matter what she loses, YOU will always be there to love her, you are her constant. If you are always too worried about money, and do not nurture that bond with her, your relationship will start to crack. She will start to see herself as a burden to you, start to think you might be happier if she were not there--her needs are part of the financial problem after all. She will start to seek attachment in other relationships, but none will replace you, and she will start to see herself as a person no one wants, a burden. She doubt her ability to make a happy life.

You don't want that, so set aside time to focus on your financial issues so they are not clouding your mind all of the time, and set aside time every day to focus on a conversation with your daughter. There is no point worrying about your finances (or any other issue) during a time you can do nothing about them anyway, so focus on finances during finance time, and focus on bonding with your daughter during her time.

You can let her be a part of the solution as well. Sit down with her and let her help you plan your meals for the next week. Show her how to coordinate meals based on sales, how to print coupons online and match them up with local sales to get an even bigger discount. Make it a game to see how cheaply you can make up 5 healthy dinners and lunches. This will make her feel a little more in control, and will offer a way for her to see that even though you are worried about something, there are always ways to fix it, which will make her feel more secure, and more like a helper than a burden, which is basically what she is telling you she needs when she wants you to laugh with her.

Raye - posted on 04/22/2015

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The finances and the responsibilities are a lot to deal with. However, if you're not responding to your children and trying to give them the emotional connection they need, then that's a tragedy. You don't ALWAYS have to be happy and laughing. But when you're with your daughter and she's telling you a story, try to focus on that moment, and let the bills and everything else go for a few minutes. You may find that the smile you paint on your face to make her happy becomes genuine over time. If there's nothing you can do in that moment to help the financial situation, it's a waste of energy to dwell on it. Being involved in listening to your child doesn't cost anything but a few moments of time. Is that too high a price?

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Emily - posted on 04/22/2015

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oh thats nice,make your daughter the best friend and by listening to her she will have confident,try and have time with her as much as you can and balance your career,business and time for your daughter.

Sarwat - posted on 04/22/2015

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thank you shawn...yes i am proud of them and i will work on this idea of compartmentalizing things...i,ll definitely work on this.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/22/2015

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Its called compartmentalizing. You CAN be happy and show joy to your kids, regardless of whatever else is going on, because you ARE proud of them and happy that they are doing well, correct?

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