My daughter was raped by her dad. How do I get her to talk about it?

Lanette - posted on 05/01/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I don't know to help my daughter talk about the rape. I don't know how to process whet has happened. It has taken 12 yrs. for her to talk to me. She never told me about the rape because she knew I would kill him or at the very lest cut off his dick. Then she would have one parent in jail and the other dead. She doesn't want to go to the police and she never see's him. Whet do I do? need someone to talk to ..... for advice.

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Lanette - posted on 05/31/2014

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She is 23 now and I have no other children and I no I am not married to this monster.....at the time of the rape I was going Thur the divorce and he had visitation with her......he has never seen her since......nor will he ever have contact with her.....again.

Felisha - posted on 05/08/2013

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The best thing you can do for her is to be there for her. I was raped by my dad when I was 11. And I know how my mom felt with my mood swings and how it affected her. One thing I hated after it happened though, is my mom treating me like I was 3. I know she meant well because she was worried about me. But the way everyone treated me after the fact made me so mad. They was always asking if I was ok and if I wanted to talk about it. I know I was fragile and stressed out. But to treat me so different made me not want to talk about it even more. It was good to know that my mom was there for me, but to hover over me made me feel like I was under a microscope. Just let her know that you are there for her no matter what and when she is ready to talk about it with you, she will. Forcing the issue can be an emotional break down for her. At least it was for me. She is going through so many mixed feelings about what happened to her. Just let her know that you love her, and it's ok to be angry and be there for her the best way you can. If she knows that you love her, and she can always talk to you about anything when she is ready, then she will be more open with you on it then you pressing her for details about it. At least that's how it went for me. I wish you the best and will keep you both in my prayers.

Denikka - posted on 05/07/2013

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I do agree with you Angela, this girl should speak out, just in case.
But at this point, I would say it's her choice and if she is unwilling to get the police involved, there's not much to do.
I don't know the differences between Canada, the USA, and the UK, but I do know that without any kind of evidence, just he said/she said, especially so long after the fact, any kind of prosecution would be extremely difficult. As I said, with other victims, if they came forward, you have a much better chance, but if it's an isolated case...I'm not sure how much the police would be able to do.
That doesn't mean that she SHOULDN'T come forward, at least have it on the record, just in case someone else has come forward or does come forward in the future. If something CAN be done, it should be done.

Angela - posted on 05/07/2013

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In the UK, a former victim of child abuse or rape can still press charges several years later. Many do so in adult life. A few years ago a man was prosecuted and sent to jail for his sexual abuse of 2 children 37 years earlier and he was by no means the first or the last. Since his violation of these 2 children he had lived a respectable life, gotten married, had children and grandchildren and developed his career. But his misdeeds weren't forgotten by his victims. In adult life they had the confidence and courage to come forward and speak out in the manner they were unable to as children. Indeed several UK CELEBRITIES in the world of show biz & entertainment currently are going through just that. Being wealthy, famous and household names didn't put them above the law. The same applies to ordinary, non-famous people who have done the same thing.

Obviously, if you're the only victim your chances of securing prosecution against a perpetrator are far slimmer but speaking out may often reveal that the Police might have on file other allegations from other victims about the same perpetrator.

Never imagine that nothing can be done about it.

Denikka - posted on 05/06/2013

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I agree with the others. Just be an ear when and if she wants you to be. If it's taken her 12 years to talk about, I would assume that she is now an adult. She needs to find her own way to cope with this event and it sounds like she has so far. If she decides to talk to you, encourage her to find a professional who can help her through her emotions.
The best thing you can do at this point is to just be supportive of whatever decisions she makes in regards to this. Be an ear when she wants it, and be encouraging for her to find a way to heal from it.

At this point, unfortunately, the police wouldn't be able to do much. All physical evidence is long gone and it would end up being a he said/she said thing. Unless there are potentially other victims or eye witnesses, you would have nothing really.

Angela - posted on 05/06/2013

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How old is she now? Are you still married to this guy? Do you have other children with him?

Don't force the issue if she isn't willing to talk. But keep this man out of both of your lives.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/01/2013

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Don't force her to talk about it at all. You need to work on nourishing your relationship with her, and build that up. If she ever wants to talk about it, she will. Don't force it.

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