My daughter was sexually abused when she was 6 by her female cousin

Anne - posted on 02/24/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Her cousin was 10 at the time but the abuse continued for approximately a year so it went on while she was also 11. My daughter told me when she was 11. She is now 15 and doing well. I 100% believed her and supported her. I am in Australia and here it is mandatory for DOCS to be informed if I wanted her to receive counselling. So I let my brother and his wife know this was going to happen but as usual DOCS didn't handle it well and my niece has walked away denying everything of course. Her family are now treating me and my daughter as though we have done something wrong yet they still expect us to attend their family events. They have two other daughters who are recently married and engaged but these events are hell for me and my daughter but no one else in my family really understands ie. my parents and extended family. My sister is pretty good. We are still expected to show up and be happy but it is so hard. I still feel a lot of anger that my niece has walked away without taking any responsibility for this and that her family is supporting her as the victim while my daughter and I are treated so poorly. I have been seeing a therapist for this but still have very little support. I guess I was just reaching out here to see if anyone else had a similar story or some words of encouragement. I have heard a lot about sexual abuse by men or boys but not girls. I know it happens more often than we know though. Oh and my ex? He says he believes my daughter but he has stayed in close contact with my brother and nieces as he still lives near them but I moved away. As you can expect he doesn't have a good relationship with my daughter!

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Anne - posted on 12/13/2016

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I am so sorry to hear this. It is really a very difficult position to be in and I can completely sympathise. If you ever want to talk I'd be happy to listen (through writing anyway...).

Beautifuldisaster2020 - posted on 12/13/2016

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I am in the same situation. My daughter was 7 and my niece was 11. This just happened last year, but I only found out a few weeks ago. My family has completely turned their backs on us. I am so heartbroken and my kids are having a hard time also.

Anne - posted on 02/24/2016

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Thanks. I'm not sure if my niece has been abused. I suggested it at the time to my brother and sister-in-law, especially considering the nature of the abuse. I don't know if they looked into it. Apparently at counselling they were told what happened between the girls was "experimentation" but with 4 years difference & my daughter only 6 I find that to be ludicrous. I have since read that offenders may not have been abused themselves, boy or girl. It can depend more on their character & whether they think they can get away with it. This is an area that needs more research.
I have never taken my daughter to one of those events without her consent. I made absolutely sure she was OK with it first. (In a way I wish she'd said no!) She is torn between wanting to see her other cousin married & the rest of the family. It really isn't that easy just to discard your family no matter what they have done. There are a lot of emotions involved. And a lot of different relationships & dynamics.

Dove - posted on 02/24/2016

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I'm so sorry about what you and your daughter have gone through. Considering the age of the cousin at the time of the abuse it is extremely likely that she was also a victim of abuse. Do you know if she is receiving or has received any counseling?

If you and/or your daughter are uncomfortable attending certain events... don't do it. If family questions you... say 'this isn't up for discussion' and change the subject. If they won't stop... you can limit (or eliminate) your time w/ them as well.

If one of my children were abused I would NEVER put them in a situation that made them feel uncomfortable and anyone that did not support me would no longer be a welcome part of our lives. Period.

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