My daughter with adhd has been stealing

[deleted account] ( 21 moms have responded )

So my daughter took $150 today from her grandmother's business money that we had at our house and have it out to friends at school today. Thankfully, a mother called me today to inform me of this. When I asked her about it she just said she took the money and gave it to her friends. She didn't think twice about doing it but admitted it was wrong. I am beside myself. She knows that she stole the money, but showed no remorse. What do I do?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

Shawnn, while I don't agree with your comments, I realize I was the one who made the mistake in wording my question wrong, like I said, I was upset when I wrote it. You have a right to your opinion, right or wrong. I tried to further elaborate once I started receiving replies, but again, your responses upset me. You have no need to worry about this anymore, because I no longer will be participating in this group. Just a helpful suggestion though, you might want for future reference not to use "shouty capitals" , visiting a child in a correctional institution, as well as being quick to judging parenting skills when you don't have the whole picture. It's just mean and it's better to give constructive advice as opposed to how you hand out advice. Best of luck to you and your child.

21 Comments

View replies by

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/21/2016

13,264

21

2015

Carol, I will reiterate (again sigh):

Thievery is NOT A RESULT OF ADHD. Stop blaming the condition and address the problem. If ADHD caused people to become kleptomaniacs, it would be treated differently. Since I both have relatives diagnosed ADHD, and have worked with both children and adults diagnosed ADHD, and absolutely NONE of them are lying thrives, I stand by my answers.

You don't have to like them, my dear, but it is what it is.

STOP BLAMING YOUR CHILD'S LACK OF PROPER UNDERSTANDING OF LEGAL (or any) CONSEQUENCES ON ADHD.

Carol - posted on 08/21/2016

9

0

9

Shawn, you are inconsiderate and rUde? You wrote similar things on my post where I had similar problems with my son. This proves to me that many parents have problems with kids with ADHD and have Found them to be stealing. Holly, keep looking on this site and you will find hundreds of posts about the same problem . I don't have the answer , I'm searching for help as well. Please know that you are not alone .

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/08/2016

13,264

21

2015

Yep, and it's an OPEN forum, Jasmine. Anyone can respond, any time, and as many times as they want.

Jasmine Elaine - posted on 04/08/2016

33

0

11

you've replied like 12 times? I think a simple punishment should be fine, it has nothing to do with the ADHD whatsoever. i agree when you say it needs to be dresses but your pushing it way to far

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/08/2016

13,264

21

2015

lmao "shouty capitals"...In most places, both personal interaction and business interaction use CAPITALS for EMPHASIS. Especially since I don't have time to learn all of the stupid friggin keystrokes.

Whatever. Like I said, take it as you will.

Good luck with everything. I appreciate your post RE: Wording of your OP.

I respond to what's posted, nothing else. When a parent seems blind to actual consequences and deeds, then of course i am going to point out the while prospect of a correctional institution, ESPECIALLY (emphasis) when the action in question is thievery. Jail is a result of robbery, burglary, and thievery.

Dove - posted on 04/08/2016

11,896

0

1350

If my 9 year old stole money like that... my 9 year old would lose all privileges for a good length of time and be doing a LOT of chores to 'pay back' that money. If stealing were a habitual thing (just guessing since you seem to have deleted things...)... my child would be in counseling in addition to strict consequences.

[deleted account]

This will be my last post. Thank you again Evelyn for your response and not swearing or saying that I will be visiting my child in a correctional institution. Like I said in a previous reply, I was upset when I wrote this, worded the question wrong, and didn't put a lot of details in my post. I further went on to explain the consequence my daughter received based on speaking with her therapist and discussing it with my husband. While you say this is an international site (we live in the United States) I am not sure what that has to do with it. I also stated in a previous post that I agree my daughter's diagnosis is no excuse for what she did. We have and will continue to work with our daughter along with her therapist. You made a good point as well that I am well within my right to not like the comments/suggestions made.I did not like Shawnn's comments because of "shouty capitals" and the inferences that she made about our parenting. Only to further go on and say friggin and us visiting her in a correctional institution. My daughter has problems and after further recent testing, a licensed psychologist, the top one in our state, has explained to us that my daughter's brain chemistry along with other testing that she perceives things differently in addition to several other things. I am not going to further elaborate because it would take to long. Regardless of that, I can assure you that we are doing everything to help her in addition to her school and therapist. I am now making the decision to no longer participate with this website not only because of my experience with Shawnn lively, I realize she didn't have all the details regarding my daughter, but in speaking with her therapist, mine as well, that it is not constructive to engage in this website. I imagine this website works for a lot of other people, it's just not for me. Thank you for providing your perspective and I wish only the best for you.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/08/2016

13,264

21

2015

You want to delete your post, it is well within the scope of your profile to do so. Go into the friggin post, and hit that DELETE button provided.

ADDRESS the issues within your household, rather than get pissy about accurate advice given you about how you are possibly blaming a condition rather than applying appropriate consequences for your child's actions.

Whatever. Its your kid, not mine. Do whatever you want. Continue as you have been, and plan on visits to your daughter in a correctional institution, if that is how you want to play things, or apply appropriate discipline and consequences WITHOUT using ADHD as an excuse as to why you're not. Either way...like I said, not my kid.

Ev - posted on 04/08/2016

7,952

7

918

I was just wondering and curious. You have a right to ask it but it seems to me that you do not like any of the responses made here and that is your right too. But when someone posts here and do not put in more details than what they do, then they might dislike the answers they do get unless they emphasis that the details that can make a difference in the advice asked for. It is an international site. So you will see comments, advice, or other things that you do not agree with. We can only go on what is posted and if someone gets upset because we did not agree with the asked questions or give advice that is not liked, then without details to make the case, we can only give advice we can based on the content of the posting.

[deleted account]

Why are you asking why? If I would like my post to be deleted, I am well within my right to ask for it to be deleted.

Sarah - posted on 04/06/2016

9,445

0

22

While I do agree that stealing is wrong and must be dealt with swiftly and firmly. She is nine, and this does seem to be a pattern. By stepping up and handing down a consequence and making it clear that she has broken your trust and must earn it back, hopefully it won't become a pattern. I do think, in addition to the consequence you chose, a face to face delivery of a hand written apology to grandma may help trigger a more remorseful attitude. Grandma will always love her of course but it's ok for grandma to tell her; "you have let me down by stealing from my business".
IMO part of the problem with the responses you got stems from your title:
"My daughter with adhd has been stealing"
This makes it sound like because of her ADHD she has been stealing (as in plural events)

Ev - posted on 04/06/2016

7,952

7

918

Holly,
I worked with kids as a preschool teacher for over 10 years. Five of which was as an aid and the other five as a lead. We (my co-workers and I) worked with special needs kids. That being said, when it came to learning not to do somethings we did not treat them any differently than we did typical or normal children. We might have to adjust ow things were done to fit the child's needs in disciplining (we were also under state guidelines on what we could do and not do). But they had to learn you could not do things for example: hitting, biting, taking another's toys. These other ladies are right, even with conditions like Autism spectrum disorders, ADHD, ADD, and other things; kids have to be held accountable and their therapists are not always there to turn to or to deal with the issues. They have to learn that outside of home and therapy there will be consequences and they will have to learn to deal with them. A therapist or psychologist is there to help learn the right sorts of behaviors and to suggest ways to discipline but it is up to the parents to follow through every single day. You did not get the responses you thought you wanted to hear. And that is to be expected on an international site such as this one.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/06/2016

13,264

21

2015

MORAL FAILING: It is WRONG, morally wrong to steal, for ANY reason. It is up to the parents and family to teach morals.

Therefore, someone's dropped the ball, and presumably it was because you were "blaming" her "condition" rather than addressing that your child is committing an act of theft, and addressing the problem.

It doesn't MATTER what her reasoning was. This is an excellent time to introduce "money can't buy friends" as an object lesson as well.

Age is not a factor. She should have had the "it is WRONG to steal" lesson well prior to now.

Michelle - posted on 04/05/2016

3,915

8

3246

I agree with the other ladies, ADHD is not an excuse to steal. She needs to be taught that it's wrong to steal anything!!!! It's your job to teach her it's wrong.
What punishment have you given her? By what you have written, you haven't at all. Like Jodi said, she needs to work to pay it back. She probably isn't showing remorse because there is no consequence for it.
You also need to teach her there are better ways to make friends if that's why she did it. Maybe get in touch with the local police station and see if they can show her what happens to thieves.
Working in retail I hate people that steal and most of them started young and didn't have any consequences to teach them it was wrong. I even have 1 regular woman that blames her shoplifting on not taking her medication. You need to stop this now before she has a criminal record and blows any chance of a job later in life.

Jodi - posted on 04/05/2016

3,562

36

3907

This is NOTHING to do with her ADHD.

You make her pay it back. How old is she? If she is old enough, time to get a part time job to earn some money to pay it back. If she isn't, then set up chores for her around the house that you will pay her for (not regular chores she should do anyway), and she can pay it back that way.

What consequences have there been already? If there have been none yet, then that's a big part of the problem. She needs some discipline, and that includes swift and consistent consequences for poor behaviour and poor choices.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/05/2016

13,264

21

2015

PUNISH her! HOLD HER TO CONSEQUENCES!

It would help if her grandmother would perhaps file a complaint against her as well. ADHD is NOT an excuse.


ETA: ADHD does not prompt thievery. If your daughter is stealing, that is a moral failing that needs to be addressed.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms