My daughters breakup hurts me as much as it hurts her!

Haley - posted on 07/15/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My 17 yr old daughter has been off and on with a 20 yr old guy for almost a year, they went to the Beach to celebrate their one year where they met and within 2 days they had a fallen out and vacation for her was over. This is guy is absolutely good to her as far as buying her things and taking her places but he is extremely controlling when it comes to where she can go with friends and what she can wear so she gave up on doing things with friends and she gave up taking care of herself like she use to, I think just to make him happy. While at beach he drank and yelled at her in front of his friends, because its ok to be with "his" friends, all over her bathing suit top pulled up on her and showed a little of her breast (obviously not on purpose) and he took a screaming fit and embarrassed her in front of everyone so she left. When they finally ended up at condo together he kept throwing rolled up socks at her face, and poured shampoo all over her, called her terrible names and told her to jump off balcony and die plus put her in a headlock so she had to look at his hand that he punched something with because "that was her fault too". She left with family that lived by beach and then he texts her and basically he takes none of the blame. She is so sad and I dont understand why?? Why would she want to be with someone so mean and controlling. And I am so sad because she is and all I really want her to do is be strong and forget him, he is not worth the tears. If she would be strong we would both feel better but shes so so upset, what can I do?

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Haley - posted on 07/15/2015

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Thanks Raye for your reply, I will definitely use your ideas to talk to her. I hurt for her so badly but I just keep telling myself that these are life lessons that build character and make you stronger.

Raye - posted on 07/15/2015

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Talk to her and find out her feelings. Try not to talk too negatively about the guy, but keep asking her why... Why does she think he acts that way? Why does she think is it ok to be with his friends, but not her friends? Why would someone who supposedly loved her throw things at her and tell her to die? Try to guide her to think it out for herself and make a decision based on her own feelings.

Let her know that she can't choose who she falls in love with, but she can choose not to be abused by that person. She can choose to respect herself enough to find someone that would treat her like a human instead of property. Let her know that it is scary to let go of someone that's been a significant part of her life, but that it would not be a waste if she's learned something from it, like how to be a stronger person and take up for herself. Let her know that her life is just beginning, and she doesn't have to surrender her future to someone that doesn't treat her with the respect that she deserves.

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