My dead beat dad said he will only pay child support nothing else... What did he mean by this?

Carmen - posted on 11/07/2013 ( 17 moms have responded )

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MESSAGED HIM TODAY GIVING HIM THE CHILD SUPPORT WORKERS NAME AND NUMBER I GOT A MESSAGE BACK SAYING THAT I AM ACTING SO BITTER AND HE IS TIRED OF IT AND THAT I AM STARTING TO TICK HIM OFF. THEN STATED HIS GIRLFRIEND IS PREGNANT AND I AM NOT HIS ONLY RESPONSIBILITY! MIND YOU WE HAVE A TWO YEAR OLD AND A BABY DUE NEXT MONTH. HE ALSO HAS KIDS WITH ANOTHER WOMAN PRIOR TO ME. BUT ME AND HIM HAVE BEEN ON AND OFF FOR 9 YEARS. THEN HE SAYS STOP TEXTING ME I HAVE TO TEND TO MY FAMILY! WHAT FAMILY? HE DOESN'T HAVE KIDS WITH HER NOR ARE THEY MARRIED THEY JUST STARTED DATING 8 MONTHS AGO, HE BASICALLY LEFT ME FOR HER WHILE I WAS PREGNANT 8 MONTHS AGO... BUT IN THAT 8MONTHS 3 OF THEM HE WAS STILL PURSUING ME BEHIND HER BACK AND I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT HER! ME AND HIM HAD TAKEN A BREAK AND HE MOVED OUT. HE TOLD ME HE LIVED WITH HIS BROTHER, BUT I LATER FOUND OUT HE LIVED WITH HER. WELL BASICALLY THE MESSAGES I GOT TODAY SOUNDED OFF BECAUSE ABOUT 4 DAYS AGO HE CONTACTED ME TELLING ME TO CALL HIM. BUT NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN HE IS ACTING LIKE I AM THE ONE THAT KEEPS TEXTING HIM. I HAVE NOT SPOKEN TO HIM IN ALL MOST 2 MONTHS PRIOR TO HIM TELLING ME TO CALL HIM AND SINCE I WALKED IN ON HIM SMOKING PCP IN FRONT OF OUR CHILD. I REACHED OUT TO HIM WHEN I FOUND OUT HE HAD A JOB! AND LET HIM NO YOU HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES OVER HERE! I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY HE NOW IS SAYING HE'S NOT COMING TO THE HOSPITAL FOR THE BIRTH OF OUR CHILD AND HES ONLY GOING TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT FOR OUR KIDS NOTHING ELSE! MEANING NOT SPEND TIME WITH THEM, NOT DO FATHERLY THINGS FOR THEM OR NOTHING! I DONT GET IT BECAUSE I USE TO DROP MY KID OFF WITH HIM AND HER AND WE HAD A ROUTINE AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE. BEFORE THE PCP INCCODENT HE WAS TRYING TO GET BACK WITH ME BUT I TURNED HIM DOWN. HE WORKS OVER NIGHTS AND SLEEPS IN THE DAY, IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THIS WAS HER MESSAGING ME? AND ALSO IF THIS WAS HIM WHY THE SUDDEN CHANGE IN PLANS? NOW HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE AT THE HOSPITAL AND NOW IF HIS CHECKS GET GARNISHED HE IS ONLY GOING TO PAY SUPPORT BUT NOT BE A FATHER TO HIS KIDS... WHAT SHOULD I DO?

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[momoftwo] - posted on 11/07/2013

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I agree with Kelly.
This guy is a LOSER, my goodness, I have seen my friends go through guys like that and trust me you and the kids are better off without him. It could be his gf typing that stuff, she could be controlling him, or he's just being that type of ding-ding himself. I think it's a little of all three of those things.
As long as you have friends and family to help you through, who needs him. There's no point in waiting for him to turn around and be in their life because sometimes it never happens. My ex is a dumbass like that too lol he's a waste of time and energy.
I hope you'll be okay having to take care of them, it's tough but there are a lot of single moms out there and I believe you can do it without that scum.
I would still get him to pay child support because whether he's in their life or not, it took two to tango and he'll have to pay for it that way.

[deleted account]

Let me get this straight:
He slept with another woman behind your back.
Lied to you about his living arrangements.
Smoked PCP while in the presence of your child.
Despite those actions, and for reasons not mentioned here, you think he is an upstanding father and are upset that he doesn't want to be at the hospital when your next child is born, and want him to spend time with his children.
He messaged you, then told you not to call him.

Okay, my advice based on what you've posted.
On the communication issue. If you are divorced or separated, why are either of you talking to or texting each other? Your lawyer should be contacting him regarding child support and visitation matters, not you. I'd get a new lawyer, your's is not doing his/her job.

On the matter of him spending time with the children. He doesn't sound like the kind of person I would allow around my child. If I EVER found someone smoking PCP, that person would be out of my life for good, forever. If that person smoked PCP in front of my CHILD, that person's ass would be sitting in a fucking jail cell. There would be no 2nd chances.
If this loser doesn't want to be in his children's lives, be thankful. Take him to court and make sure that any visitation rights he is awarded are only for supervised visitation in approved visitation centers.

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Carmen - posted on 11/15/2013

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Now would I be wrong to not tell him when I have the baby I just really don't want him there nor do I want to see his face and I don't think he deserves it...

Carmen - posted on 11/15/2013

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yeah that is crazy she took him back after he punched her in the face while pregnant, was sneaking behind her back not only trying to pursue me but other women, he stood her up for a doctors appointment and went with me long story short she ended up going on to the appointment with a family member and come to find out she had been calling him all morning and he was with me and ended up standing her up for the appointment to go with me to mines and they were still dating when this happened although he had lied to me and told me they wasn't. But me and her had a long talk while he was hiding out after finding out she was at the same hospital.... she told me had stole out of her house had been seeing other women and doing drugs at that point I realized that she was going through the same crap I went through but she took him back even after she found out he was smoking pcp in front of his own child I wouldn't be surprised if she allows him to do it in her house...

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/15/2013

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Okay Carmen so I looked up "ride or die chick" because I've heard that term too and never knew what it was and basically it means "a female who will stick out the bad times with you and won't leave. A chick who has your back no matter what. Basically riding out with you even if it brings death."

And in her case I wouldn't want to be his ride or die chick lol.

Carmen - posted on 11/11/2013

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Ty Tina but I don't mess with him on that level anymore he can say what he wants but the fact remains I took my child from him and out of that situation

Tina - posted on 11/10/2013

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When he says he is only going to pay child support what he is not saying is that he isn't going to pay alimony (if that applies) or help you pay bills at your current residence. He won't help you, but he will help the kids. That is what I think he may be saying.
I agree with Kelly. You need to take control of this situation, rather than being passive and letting him come and go as he pleases in between affairs with other women, decide that you are calling the shots. He is no longer allowed to pursue you, you are permanently done with him for your safety and your children's safety. I know what I am saying isn't easy, but again I agree with Kelly, someone who smoke PCP is incredibly dangerous. Do you know the effects of PCP, if not,please look it up. Do you understand the gravity of this situation? He has already shown he can be violent by hitting a pregnant girlfriend (I am not sure how much worse it gets) and he smoked in front of your child. He could seriously hurt you, he could seriously hurt your children (and you would be held responsible because you knew he smoked.). You seem like a great Mom, I think getting away from him and staying away is best for your kids. Children learn what they live. If they see him smoking, they may grow up thinking that's ok and do the same thing. You need to take control and decide what/who is allowed to influence your children. Your Mr. Right is still out there and he can't get to you with this guy getting in the way;D. I a hope all works out.

Carmen - posted on 11/09/2013

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Well she takes care of him, he lives with her and her two kids she buys his clothes shoes takes care of his other kids and took care of my son when he was allowed over there. He calls her his ride or die chick whatever that means I am just over it I want to just rid this looser from me and my kids lives for good

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/09/2013

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Wow then she is one messed up chick, he's even more messed for punching a girl in the face and a pregnant girl at that! I woulda had him locked up a loooong time ago.

Carmen - posted on 11/09/2013

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I no right, he is lucky I even am being nice about this considering he was just smoking pcp in front of our son like two months ago..... And my son is not allowed over there with him any more if he wants to see the kids he has to meet me somewhere or come to my house. And don't get me wrong the girlfriend has only been in the picture for 8 months and he has stole from her hit her while she was pregnant stood her up at a docs appointment for me and she ended up being at the same hospital and he is always flirting with other girls on facebook, so I no she is just going through some of the same crap i went through only thing is he has never hit me. But he puched her in the face and she was pregnant at the time.... she took him back after all this

Jewell - posted on 11/09/2013

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That sounds like my sons father! Lol he used to be so cooperative until he has a girlfriend n new kid, and other kids. He all of a sudden acting rude and like i want him oh please. Hes too much. His girlfriend i think she brainwashes him. Why only god knows why i dont want him nor do i need to see him just need him to help one way or the other.

Nellie - posted on 11/08/2013

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The reason he's saying that he's only going to pay child support is because for one he has no choice to pay child support...I think he's saying to himself "Well since i have to pay for child support she better not asked me for anything on the side". He's already upset because he has to pay for child support. Then he's being so stubborn to say that he has kids to support. His problem is that because he has a new family knowing that he has no kids and I"m pretty sure he's girlfriend is brainwashing him as well. You know what take him for all he has. At the end of the day you need that support. You are a person just like he is and if he's going to treat you that way; then you don't need him in your life. Think about yourself and just remember that God is watching and God doesn't like the UGLY...I hope you know what I mean when I said the ugly...Let him do him cuz at the end of the day; you're definitely doing you. God Bless.

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/07/2013

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Awe I know, it's true you two out 9 years into it... Well you did, I can't say the same for him. And FOUR times?! Holy man I woulda kicked his butt out the first time but I also understand it's hard. You will meet someone better though, just don't fall for his tricks again. You already know the drill, he'll drop this girl and come back to you and move onto the next but you have to prepare yourself for it and tell him no. He continues to do it because in a way you're letting him and you certainly are not his door mat. And my god, what kind of a man does PCP in front of his kid?!?! I really hope you put your foot down and just pack his things and let him screw up his life without screwing up yours and your children's, I bet there's a man out there waiting to give you and the kids all the love and respect you need, you just have to let this idiot go and open your heart to find that good man.

Carmen - posted on 11/07/2013

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thanks so much happyhousewife... I guess the thing that really bothers me is that he will add a new woman into the equation so fast and let her just make decisions for him. And this is not the first woman he has done this to me with like I said we have been on and off for 9 years she is the 4th woman he has ran off on me for, and the 3rd he has left me pregnant for. I no it should not been able to happen this many times thats why I feel more like a fool than anything I am 8months pregnant with your child and I have your 2 year old son and you are treating me like I am the fling or someone you had a one night stand with then he had the nerve to say I have to get back to my family. I do feel like a fool for allowing him to do this to me again!

Carmen - posted on 11/07/2013

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I totally agree with you kelly I don't no if it's the pregnancy or if I have completely lost my mind. The day I walked outside on him smoking a stick a few feet away from our child I lost it I dont no why I didnt have him put in jail for child endangerment some of the things he has done in his life and to women is unthinkable using them robing their houses pretending to love and cherish them and then taking advantage of them and leaving them. He has to kids by a woman before me about to have two with me and knocked up the woman he is with now. The job he works at is not promised because it is a temp job and he is a 3 time felon so if they offered him a permanent position and then ran his background he would be fired. I just no that these are my first children and they are both by this looser. But I no i need to delete him out of my life and concentrate on my two children he doesnt seem to care about nothing right now other than the woman who is currently taking care of him and she doesnt even have his kids so how could he make her a major priority...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/07/2013

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2014

Get paternity established, and court orders in place.

Shriya - posted on 11/07/2013

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Firstoff all, please clamn down.

I know its very easy to say than to act. But with anger and frustration we don't get solution. If you are or can connect with your parents or any of your close relatives ask help for some time as this is not the right time for you to take tension. First focus on your delivery and then you both can sit and decide. Probably you can go to councellor for getting help in resolving the isssue.

regards,

Shriya

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