My ex cares more about his girlfriend than he does his own son.

Tia - posted on 05/10/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )




I feel so depressed right now,because I have finally come to the conclusion that there is nothing I can do to ever get my sons father to even remotely care about him.My son is 3 years old right now,and every Christmas and birthday that we spend together is a blessing,but during every event,I always think about how this is another year that my son goes without knowing his father.My ex left me for someone else while I was pregnant.

Since then he has not called me or made any kind of effort to see my son.I have called him many times during these past few years,and everytime he had some kind of excuse.One time when we talked he said he loved my son,and that he was finally going to come and meet him,but he ended up not coming.I was so angry with him,especially since he only lives an hour away from me.

Its like he is afraid to say that he just doesn't care,so he just continues to pretend to.I can't help,but to check his facebook page a lot,and I'm always looking to see if he posted any pictures of my son that I sent him,and everytime I find nothing.He acts like me and my son don't exist now,and so does his family.I know he regrets having a child with me and that's why he won't see my son.Sometimes I regret having a child with him,because now my son has a father who won't even meet him,and to add to things,every time I look at his facebook page,there are pictures up of his girlfriend,and he's all telling everyone how much he loves her.

He also makes sure that on her birthday or other people's birthday,he tells them Happy Birthday,but he has never even called me to tell my son Happy Birthday.He pays child support,but doesn't do anything else.I know I need to move on and stop expecting him to change,but its so hard,when I don't even have a boyfriend.I don't even have any kind of father figure for my son.I know people say that time heals all things,but I now feel like,it only gets worse and harder for me with each passing year.I haven't been doing good in my college classes lately,or at my job.Can someone please offer me some advice?


Angela - posted on 05/12/2013




He's opted out of his son's life, I'm afraid.

You might think about approaching his family, asking if they'd be interested in getting to know their grandchild/nephew. But if you do this, do NOT take the child along, because if they don't want to know it's another disappointment for him. Go and see them and take some photos with you. See what happens from there.

If the answer is still no, then you'll just have to forget about his father and his father's family.

This is not your fault or your son's fault. It's his father's fault and also his loss.

You can't FORCE anyone to be family - however much you'd welcome an extra hand and extra money to cope with the expenses of family life.

You might just have to do what single parents the world over do, struggle along alone. I did this, many others have done this. If you put this man out of your mind and just look to the future, you may be surprised to learn how you CAN manage.

I'm sorry for your pain.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/11/2013




I am so sorry for this. It must be very difficult. But, you have to let go. Please stop looking at his facebook. Take him off of your friends, or block him. Nothing good will ever come out of it, and it will continue to upset you. Just love your son with all your heart, and be the single parent that you were meant to be. The bio father will regret this in the long run. It is his loss. You cannot force a relationship between them. I know you want your son to know his father, but he may come around in time. Or he may not. Just try your best to stop waiting for him, and go on with your life. This is not your burden to bare. Don't blame the father for you not doing well in life. I hate to say it, but that is just excuses for not pushing yourself. Don't use him as a scapegoat. Start healing. If you need counseling to get over this, do it for your mental health, and your sons.


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Debbie - posted on 07/22/2013




I have been through this and believe me with proof of his history so far he is only going to be a worry when he comes into your boys life.... You think if he came into your boys life now he will put your boy first... Been through it myself... It's not good enough by my standards and you will be very anxious if the bio dad suddenly took am more interest and had your boy for a number of days... His gf might get the green eyed monster and do you think he will have your sons back... I am not sure either and not good for your boy so please stop wishful thinking... Work on you your life and your son. You ex is not the full package and he will never know what real love is like you do for your son and he is not worth a thought. All he is portraying is the 'good' in his life... He is not saying on fb any negatives in his relationship but trust me with his mentality his relationship will not be a healthy one. Concentrate on making your life a healthy happy one and don't focus on mistakes you make cause they will help you in the long run with your studies and work... I agree 'STOP' looking at his fb... It's an addiction and it's nothing as you perceive it to be... Remember he is throwing out an image. Don't get involved with his family will only remind you of the crap and he isn't worth thinking about. Make as best of a path as you can and feel proud of getting through all challenges big or small... Your boy will love you inform him and you sound like you have lots of common sense you are just being ruled by your emotions as I understand they are hard to ignore. I have been through the same thing and my daughter is 12 now... Focus no matter what in improving your situation and forgive yourself love your self more and more each year... Grow through the hard times and feel proud and glow as a strong woman... I know you will. My heart is with you... I had often felt resentment towards how he could have and I have not but at the end of the day he is missing one thing you are not... A bloody good/heart n soul and never lose it. Listen to music that strengthens and good political music expand yourself. I like John Butler Trio and music soothes the soul... Listen to healing music and enjoy it with your son. You are going through your motions and hope you get past this one.

Tia - posted on 05/11/2013




But,I would do better in life if I had his help,and wasn't so stressed out from taking care of my son alone,while knowing that he is out there doing whatever he wants without having to worry about paying for daycare, dealing temper tantrums or being embarrassed in public when your my son starts acting crazy.

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