Leanne - posted on 01/21/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )
hi, your advice please. I was married for twenty years. The marriage was not good and my exhusband was emotionally abusive, dishonest and manipulative. In the year 2000 while we were together he was arrested for 62 counts of indecent exposure during which he masturbated in front of women aged 18 - 35 years over a four year period. He also was having an affair with my friend. She found out about his crime but he said I made him do it and she bought it. Only my family know what happened as I hid it from people to protect my children. He has continued to blame me for our marriage breaking down and his friends either do not know about his sex offences or for those that do, he demonises me and I take the blame. He is very charismatic and he is well liked. I am quiet and reserved and have kept quiet and never told because I dont want my children to know what their father did. it would cause them pain. However, keeping this secret costs me too. I feel alone, isolated and betrayed by friends who fall for his line. In order to protect my kids from gossip and pain I have sacrificed much. I would like to confide in a couple of specific people to whom I used to be close. I need their support. I want to not feel that this secret is a wall between us. I want them to understand my trauma. To hear my voice and be able to speak out in my own defence. i feel as though something horrible happened to me and because it is kept a secret it is locked in my chest hurting me. I want to stand up and say 'this happened to me and I feel traumatised'. This experience is a part of who I am now and if it is secret, how can they know me. I would also just like to clear my name. I deserve to be respected by friends but instead I am the 'nasty ex' due to his lies. I want to speak out but I dont want my kids to hate their father or be hurt by learning what he did. I feel stuck. I want to know what others would do in my position. Should I continue to keep it secret?