my ex does nothing and yet my daughter still prefers her dad

Tanya - posted on 04/03/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have been brought to the brink of crying today. usually I don't care what my ex does or says to me but today really upset me.

my 4 year old daughter has a rocket school project to do, so I bought all the stuff for it, I was really exited to do it with her. her father then picked her up from school and she said she wanted to build it with daddy instead. this hurt me because he hasn't bought anything for her since she was born and now I am having to hand over the stuff I got that was suppose to be for us to him. I know it sounds petty but you must understand to him it's just building a half assed rocket and to me he was going to take away a memory. he does not care.
I seem to do everything for her and yet she would rather do things with him even though all she ends up doing is getting stuck watching him play play station until she goes to bed.
what do I have to do? he doesn't even take her for longer than a few hours to which of most of them she is sleeping and he never does her homework. I know she is better off without him as he doesn't do anything for her future but I don't want her to resent me and say 'you stopped me seeing daddy'

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/03/2014

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She wants to do things with him, because he's her father. And, right now, it's a really special time for her, even if it is, as you say, 'watching him play playstation'.

As Jodi states, this is NOT a competition. You are both parents.

One other thing I also have to state is that you don't KNOW that she's better off without him. In fact, she is NOT better off without him, unless he's a danger to her. What he's doing for her future is showing her that she's loved by him, no matter whether she lives with him or not. And, I'm sorry, but you don't get to make that choice for her.

If you feel that he's not 'supporting' her financially, then that's what support orders are for. But you don't get to choose to jeopardize her relationship with her daddy. Daddies are very important to daughters. I know. I am one, my mother tried to forbid my Daddy seeing us, and 30 years later, she still doesn't understand why we were upset about it.

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Tanya - posted on 04/05/2014

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ok so I admit I was wrong to say she is better off with out him. agreed. that is why regardless of how I feel I still let them see each other. I just get frustrated on times when I hear how wreck less he is being with his life (to which I know is none of my business) I know but it's hard when I hear he has spent his uni money on a month supply of weed and boomtown festival tickets when he cant even pay for nappies.

the thing is it's not just people telling me this stuff, he freely admits it to me as if it's nothing to get anoid at.
do I just ignore it?
he said he couldn't have our son (22 months) the other day for 2hrs so I can get housework done just because he would have to walk up a hill.
what do I say to that?

Jodi - posted on 04/03/2014

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Well, it isn't a competition. I think you need to just get over it. You don't DO anything. Let her have a positive relationship with her father. Let's face it, if the two of you were still together, she would still want to do these things with him. This is not an offence against you. It's just how her relationship with her dad is. Be supportive.

And to say things like "I know she is better off without him as he doesn't do anything for her future but I don't want her to resent me and say 'you stopped me seeing daddy'"

Really???? He spends time doing these things with her daddy and you say this? Back the heck off!!! She is entitled to a relationship with her daddy. YOU don't have to like it. He is clearly doing things with her that are positive. She clearly loves him. Just STOP! If you have a problem with his financial contribution, file for child support. End of story.

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