My ex husbands wife hates me. I just want to coparent

Sarah - posted on 01/20/2016 ( 10 moms have responded )

4

0

1

So...where to begin...My ex husband and I seperated in 2011 and divorced in 2012. It wasn't mutual and I pushed for the divorce. Over the next year we really worked on healing and moving on. Finally we got there! We were able to co parent, respect one another, be friends, and give our two sons a sense of family. It was great.....until...a little over a year ago, he met someone. I've always wanted my ex to be happy and find someone who is madly in love with him. His girlfriend, (now wife) didn't like the co parenting relationship my ex husband and I built. Things started to change pretty fast and now it's a complete 180 from last year. Throughout it all Ive continued to try and coparent. Believe me that easier said than done! Ha. Tonight I guess I'm at my breaking point. Tonight was different. He used our oldest son, who is 7, in a power play move, just to try and hurt me. Instead it hurt our son, emotionally. I feel like I don't know this person anymore. If someone would've told me I would be in this position a year or two ago, I would've said they're crazy. I feel so sad, and just want some resolution. HELP!

10 Comments

View replies by

EP - posted on 01/21/2016

1

0

0

Now that he has a girlfriend, I am sure she has input in his actions and thoughts. All you can do is be the best mom for your children. At this point, who cares what she (ex-husband's wife) thinks or says.

Michelle - posted on 01/21/2016

3,627

8

3245

I have done the 50/50 shared care that Marbella has said for 11 years. It works for some and not for others.
Like the others have said, if he's gone back to the original plan then that doesn't mean that his wife hates you, unless there are a lot of other instances.

Marbella - posted on 01/21/2016

4

0

0

Maybe it was all a miss understanding? I know a couple that is divorce and they don't get along that well, but they do something that works. They also share custody 50/50. They each take the girls a week at a time. It makes it easier for everyone from what I am told. Good luck, I hope things work out for you.

Raye - posted on 01/21/2016

3,761

0

21

If the new wife has had any influence on him, he has allowed it. Is there more reason to believe that she actually hates you? If he switched back to the court ordered plan, then I wouldn't fault him for that, except he should have discussed with you that's what he was going to do versus the last minute "sorry kids" kind of behavior. He should have handled it better and it's sad that the kids were caught in the middle.

Personal agreements are not legally enforceable. So, even if you find the e-mail of the agreement, there's not much you can do about it. Yes, you should be willing to accommodate a special circumstance where the plan may change, but you should try to stick closely to the orders or have them formally changed.

Jodi - posted on 01/21/2016

3,560

36

3907

So basically, even though you changed the parenting plan formally, he went by the original court ordered parenting plan? I can understand how this may have hurt your boys, but he really didn't do anything outside of what was legally drawn up between the two of you. If that's all it is, just go back to the Tuesday nights, or suggest to him that you have a new parenting plan drawn up for the Wednesday nights.

Does the new wife have a child? Maybe she has been burned by not going by her parenting plan or court orders before and she has convinced you ex that he should follow the plan by the letter.

Sarah - posted on 01/21/2016

4

0

1

We share legal custody 50/50. At the time I had no reason to fight with him over things of this nature and had total trust he would always have our boys best interest at heart. I have residential custody as the boys are with me the majority of the time.

Sarah - posted on 01/21/2016

4

0

1

The power play move I referred to is regarding our parenting plan. We have a court ordered parenting plan which we deviated from about 9 months ago. It was agreed upon schedule and worked where he had a little more time with the boys. Directly after making this change I asked if we could change from Tuesday nights to Wednesday nights every other week for an overnight stay. He agreed but last night he told our oldest son I would be there to pick him up because it wasn't his night to stay with him. I was totally confused because I didn't even remember that we initially agreed on Tuesdays and then changed to wednesday directly after. I searched and searched my emails and found references to the change but not a direct conversation where I stated what I wanted and he replied with yes. I know this email exists because that's how we agreed upon it, But I can't find it. I don't know what the purpose of this was, because it doesn't hurt me I'm happy to take my kids home and it's actually easier for me to have them most of the time. I agreed upon the deviation so he could have extra time with his kids. I was so heartbroken for our boys last night. It was awful.

Michelle - posted on 01/21/2016

3,627

8

3245

I agree with Jodi, we need to know what has changed and what "power play" he did.

Jodi - posted on 01/21/2016

3,560

36

3907

I guess it depends on what he did as to how I would advise handling it. What part of the co-parenting isn't working for you? Do you currently have court ordered custody and visitation?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms