My ex mistreats One of our Three children,Should he be allowed visits?

Sandra - posted on 09/28/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am a single mom of three wonderful boys, they are amazing, humble, hard working kids. We have been alone for a little over 5 years due to the fact that their dad was a drug dependent, abusive husband and father. He recently got his life together, he is living with his current girlfriend and has started paying child support. Although we have absolutely no communication, other than visitation coordination (he refuses to be civil) and I have sole custody, I decided to give him a chance to get close to the boys, for the boy's sake. Recently he started harassing my oldest (15) for him to join the football team, which my son decided he didn't want to be a part of anymore. He has been calling and arguing with him on an almost daily basis, because of this my son no longer answers his calls. To make matters worse, he began posting and tagging him on every single Facebook post related to football; so yesterday my son replied back asking for him to stop pressuring him into doing what he wanted him to do and not respecting his decisions. This man started insulting my son and calling him names ONLINE!! He called him anywhere from lazy to a-hole!!! I am completely appalled by this...I blocked him from the boy's profile and now I am debating the fact that he shouldn't be near any of them, specially if it will make my oldest feel rejected and attacked by this man. He is such a horrible father...but still, I don't want to make a decision solely on this because I am angry and hurt, please help!

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Raye - posted on 09/28/2015

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Explain to him that your oldest no longer wants anything to do with him, and if he's not careful he will lose the other two also. It's his actions that caused the trouble. He's supposed to be an adult, but he's acting like a child. He's not showing love for his kids by forcing them to be something they're not. A parent should love their boy no matter if he wants to do football, golf, dance, or chess club. If their father can prove that he can do what's best for THEM, then he can still see them. But if he can't respect his children and be a responsible parent, then he will have to live with the consequences that they will not want him in their lives.

Sandra - posted on 09/28/2015

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Thank you for your response, it does make perfect sense, the only thing is that he already lost ALL his rights, including visitations. I have allowed for him to gain access to see if he would be better to them and they could establish a relationship. Now the question of them spending time with him comes due to the fact that he clearly has no control and doesn't realize how damaging his words can be and I am afraid that he will do it to the other two.

Raye - posted on 09/28/2015

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Your oldest boy is old enough that his wants for visitation (or not) would be taken into consideration in court. So, if the boy doesn't want to see his father because of the name calling and pressure, then don't force him. But don't deny the father access to the other children that do want to spend time with him. If you want to make it "fair" you should get a visitation agreement drawn up in court so that it's not YOU denying the father... it's you abiding by the court orders. Be sure to notify the judge about the father's behavior and provide proof of the name calling on FB and any texts.

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