My ex's wife is overstepping her boundaries.

Diana - posted on 09/14/2016 ( 9 moms have responded )

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We are in the middle of a child support modification and my ex's wife is doing all the calling, filling out forms, etc. She has contacted child support services about the case numerous times. She has also contacted the magistrate court about it. Whenever I text my ex, he doesn't reply, but SHE does for him! I'm sick of it. It's like he doesn't even exist. It's none of her business. She shouldn't have access to MY information. Is there any way that I could include something in the modification that makes sure that she does not get involved with the legal issues? I also heard that during her last divorce, she fought for custody of her step-daughter and lost. This makes me feel like my kids are with a psycho kidnapper. They recently went to live with their dad because they have become good friends with her daughter and say that they have more freedom there than they do here. I just want her to stop controlling and budding into everything.

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Jodi - posted on 09/22/2016

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No, not cold at all. It's a fact. It's the way it works. What do you want me to do? Sugar coat it for you? I wasn't being rude, I was simply telling it like it is. You can't actually tell tone from a post. You've just assumed. No need for you to be a complete bitch about it.

I know plenty about anxiety disorders - Firstly, I've studied psychology as a major at university AND I've been there to the point where I couldn't even leave the house. And guess what? I sought help for my disorders because that was what "I" could control. Sure, I still get anxiety at times, and it has taken time for me to learn to manage that. I have times where I don't always do so well at it. Certain things trigger it, and I have strategies I use to manage it. In fact, at my worst, the trigger happened to be my ex and his girlfriend at the time (who was doing most of the pushing with the lawyers) taking me to court over stupid, trivial bullshit in relation to custody issues. It was a totally terrible time in my life, so I do "get it"..........

But the lawyers don't give a shit about your anxiety disorders, and neither does the law. They ARE your issue. YOU can't CONTROL other people. The only thing YOU can control is yourself. And in this, the fact that she has this information and is doing these things is causing you anxiety. So please, tell me which part of this you can control? Yes, that's right, getting help for your anxiety over this issue. You can't control the rest. If you are bowing to your ex's every whim because you get anxiety over it, then you have a choice - either do something about the anxiety in that situation or bow to his whim.

I'm not quite sure what you are after here. SEVERAL people have told you you can't stop her butting in. Noone said you have to like it. But they said it's going to happen whether you like it or not. So work on the thing you can control.

Diana - posted on 09/21/2016

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Wow, Jodi, so cold. People like you make this world a dark cold place. I wonder if you have anything wrong with you that anyone just says "get help for your issues." I would say your rudeness is one of them. Obviously you know nothing of anxiety disorders. They are about as controllable as your genetics. Sure, there is medication and mind therapy that can help lesson the attacks, but they still come. It's like if someone jumped out from behind a bush and you jumped and then they told you that you had issues and you need to control yourself from jumping. It's a natural reflex that your body has and some people have them more than others. I can't drink coffee or it speeds my heart too fast. Is that another issue I need to deal with? (huge eye roll)

If you're not here to help, don't get on here.

Jodi - posted on 09/21/2016

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They are her husband's legal issues. She is permitted to be involved to a degree. You can't stop her filling in forms, reading your information that you file and communicating with HIS lawyers if that is their arrangement. He doesn't have to give you his income if he chooses not to. Your anxiety attacks are your issue - get help for those.

Diana - posted on 09/21/2016

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My kids are 14 and 16. Believe me, I put up a fight and did not want them to live with their dad for those reasons. They never see him. He holds three "jobs", so he is never home. (He could just be busy chasing women. Afterall, he did date three women at the same time, proposed to all three, and after the first one found out he was dating another while they were engaged, she broke it off, then the other denied his proposal. Third time is the charm, I guess.)
They live in Alaska, I live in Oregon. Visitation is once a year. When they lived with me, their dad fought to have them for as long as he wanted them--the full two months for the summer and I never fought back, I just allowed them to go. Now that they live with him, they are telling me that they will only visit me for three weeks during the summer because their step-sister will only be gone three weeks and they don't want her to be alone for any part of the summer. That's a whole other issue.

Back to the issue on hand, I don't mind that she is involved in their lives, but I don't want her involved in MY legal issues. My ex won't even give me his actual income without taking me to court, which I have anxiety attacks in court so I have no choice but to bow to his every whim. Yet his wife has access to my income and paperwork. That's what I don't like. And by the way, she has ALWAYS done this, not just since they live with her now.

Sarah - posted on 09/15/2016

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She is their step mother and primary caregiver. What is wrong with her involvement? Am I missing a peice of info?

Dove - posted on 09/15/2016

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The other ladies are correct. Your children now live with her. It only makes sense that she is involved.

What do your current custody/visitation orders state? Are you in the midst of child support modification because you are now going to be paying your ex (since the kids now live w/ him) instead of the other way around?

Ev - posted on 09/15/2016

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I have to agree with the other two. My kids went to live with their dad. Step mom more often than not took them for check ups or visits to doctors, dentists and eye doctors. She also signed permission slips for field trips at school though it was not legal for her where I live to do so. I did not toss a fit. Now when it came to legal decisions I had say there and she did not. But if you let your kids go live with dad for just the reason of having less rules and they were friends with the daughter....that is your issue.

Michelle - posted on 09/15/2016

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I agree with Jodi.
I am more interested in how old your children are. You have allowed them to live with Dad because they are friends with her daughter and they have fewer rules, that doesn't make any sense at all to me!!!! There is no way I would give full custody over for those pathetic reasons. My children have always had fewer rules at their Dad's but I believe children need rules so would never give him custody. We do 50/50 BTW.
You have given them custody of your children, of course it's easy for her to do all the paperwork.

Jodi - posted on 09/15/2016

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I don't get why this is an issue. I did all my husband's paperwork for child support too. He also had me placed on his case file as a contact, allowing them to discuss the case with me, because generally, I was the one who had time to do the running around for it. If he wants her assistance, I don't see why that's a problem for you. He married her. She is allowed to be involved in his legal issues if he provides consent. I highly doubt there is anything you can do about it.

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