My ex trying to get custody

Julie - posted on 01/16/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My ex is threatening sole custody because he does not like my husband. My son is 9 a straight A student and plays multiple sports. My current husband went through a bought of depression and drank too much due to loosing his job. It caused an argument which my son heard. My son told his father now his father wants custody. My current husband has fought the depression and no longer drinks. We provide an encouraging loving home and my son thrives in his studies and sports. My ex also has hit my son numerous times tells him terrible stories about us and constantly threatens to hit him if he doesn't tell him what goes on in our household. He rarely pays child support and told me if I take him to court for support he will take me to court for custody. He tells me if I don't allow him to file him as a dependent on his taxes he will take me for support. My son cries every time his father picks him up because he doesn't want to go and is afraid of him. How can I prevent him from getting custody?

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Michelle - posted on 01/17/2016

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I don't like the comment: " I allow him to see our son at anytime".
He's not a possession that you can control who sees him and who doesn't.
You need to go to court and get all of it in writing. That way you "allowing" the Father to see his child won't sound like you are doing the Father a favour when it's his right.
Child support is needed (I'll tell you now that children don't get cheaper as they get older!!!) and if you have 50/50 shared care then it won't be much anyway. They work it out as if you are both paying child support to each other so the higher income pays the difference.
I have been doing it for 11 years and the amount to be paid is around $200 a month for 2 children. They are 14 and 12 now so that doesn't even pay for their food!

Jodi - posted on 01/17/2016

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" I have been completely fair not asking for support or any type of needs."

I'm with Sarah on this. Child support is a child's right - support from both parents.

Sarah - posted on 01/17/2016

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This issue bugs me:
" I have been completely fair not asking for support or any type of needs."
Like not paying child support is some sort of prize or bargaining chip? You are both obligated to support the child, and you are doing your child a disservice by not getting support. If you don't need the money, then bank it for your son to use for college, traveling or a house down payment. Custody and support are not dependent upon each other. You care not going to lose custody of your child because you asked to child support.

Dove - posted on 01/17/2016

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You want him to spend as much time w/ the boy as he can even though your son is being abused and is afraid of his father...

Julie - posted on 01/17/2016

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Thanks moms...we currently have joint custody and I allow him to see our son at any time. I have been completely fair not asking for support or any type of needs. All I ask is that he spend as much time with our son as he can. My boy is doing so well in his school and athletics and it would be ashame to take him away from it.

Jodi - posted on 01/16/2016

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Why are you letting this man dictate to you what you can and can't do. Get a lawyer and file for custody, visitation and support. Then he has nothing to "threaten" you with. However, be aware he IS likely to get visitation unless you have absolute evidence of abuse of the child.

Michelle - posted on 01/16/2016

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Dove has said it all.
Get yourself a lawyer and prepare for court. Your ex does have a right to at least get shared custody.

Dove - posted on 01/16/2016

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What do the current custody orders say? Your ex can ask for whatever he wants, but generally custody will not change unless circumstances change.

My advice? Get your son into some counseling... preferably w/ a therapist willing to testify in court (especially about the physical abuse and emotional manipulation).

Your husband may also need to provide evidence of attending AA meetings (whether he's an alcoholic or not... if he was drinking too much there needs to be some sort of documentation that that is no longer the case) and counseling to show that your son IS in a safe and stable environment w/ you.

Talk to a lawyer and find out all your options.

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