My ex wants my son to visit him + child abusing GF 8 hours away - NO! why am I the bad guy?

Melissa - posted on 05/05/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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In a cliff notes version of the extremely long story of the last 5 years......My ex starts dating a woman that is shady. She lies, is passive aggressive, is intentionally aggressive towards me personally when I am attempting to communicate with him about our son and exposed or expalined inappropriate subject matter to our son who is now 11. I ask 20 questions to ANYONE who will be spending any amount of time with my son no matter who thay are and where they are from and I have an obligation to do so. 5 different stories later I discover she has lost custody of both of her boys and had her rights terminated (for neglect & abandonment) to her son that is a little older than my son. Uhm....no ma'am! So I contacted my lawyer and off to court we went (i dont need to know what happened except to the extent it could repeat itself with my son) and since she refused to be sworn in to testify what happened - the AG modified custody to me as Primary and Managing Parent and my ex was "down graded" to custodial parent granting some rights while my son is visiting specifically limiting visitation to his grandparents house with grandparents present to supervise. My son can only be around the GF under those circumstances. My ex has now gotten a job in another city 8 hours away. He is starting to make noise about my son visiting him and GF in far away town this summer. Why is he even asking? My ex would be working long hours leaving GF to be in care & control of my son alone. Why does he not get it? Why am I the bad guy? Why would he be okay with this when she couldnt even raise her own kids? You don't get a do-over with mine. By the way this has all happened since 2007-present. So its not a case of wow that was a long time ago I have changed, found religion, went to therapy - no just that I shouldn't judge people and she is not like that really. REALLY? Then why did they take her kids? The State doesn't want her kids. They have too many as it is, and want her to be able to get them back so it had to be pretty bad for them to terminate her rights. I cant shake it and summer is fat approaching....any thoughts?

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Kaitlin - posted on 05/05/2012

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:( I have not been in your shoes, but my only thought would be, since you already told your son that there are rules that need to be followed- that if his dad wants to see your son, he has to follow the rules set up by the judge- period- you can't break them and neither can your dad, because otherwise there will be severe consequences for all of you. I know that sounds really trite, but that's what I *think* I would do. Sorry you have to deal with that, it really blows.

Melissa - posted on 05/05/2012

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No it doesnt have a chance of hell in happening, but he tells my son about visiting up there. My ex has gone long periods without communicating with my son. He never follows visitation and thats fine with me most the time. My son loves his dad of course and knows nothing about any of this because it is adult problems he doesnt need to be confused by it all. He does know the judge made rules for us to follow since mom & dad had different opinions on how to handle things. My son gets excited since my ex is showing interest in him and its my fault he cant see his dad (sometimes) and I will take that to an extent because he doesnt understand the entire story behind why it is like that in the 1st place.

Kaitlin - posted on 05/05/2012

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What does your lawyer say? Doesn't seem like that even has a chance at happening.

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