My ex won't let us move to my new husband 2.5 hrs away

Emma - posted on 08/20/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Have been separated from my sons father for 3 and a half years now. I'm due to get married in 6 weeks and my fience live 2 and a half hours away. After we get married I had intentions on moving up to him on the Christmas holidays so we can start our new life together and had full intention on taking my son with me who lives with me and has visitation with his dad every 3rd week for 6 nights. My sons dad has informed me that he will not allow me to move because it means he will not get to see our son for the same amount of time as he does now. It would change from Wednesday arvo - Tuesday mornings to Friday arvo - Sunday evening. But because his mum also has alot to do with our son I offered that even if hes away in the mines working that if his mum wanted to see our son and I had nothing planned I couldn't see why ahe couldn't see him and also even if my ex is at work on the school holidays that our son could go and stay with his mum for that week. The reason for me wanting the move is my husband to be is gainfully employed where he lives and it's easier for me to find more work there then it is for him to find work down her. PLEASE I NEED HELP!!!

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Kathy - posted on 07/19/2013

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Go through the court. You have good reason to relocate and they will help amend the visitation order so he gets visitation. If the courts grant you permission then he can't stop you, but if you move and its on your agreement saying you can't then you can loose custody.

Jodi - posted on 08/20/2012

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Your ex actually DOES have a point. You don't have the right to make changes to his visitation arrangements without his permission, or without an appropriate court order. I have heard of cases that have been denied for the exact reason that the mother didn't give appropriate consideration to the father's visitation when making her own plans....which is kind of what you have done. You should have considered this and sought legal advice before you reached 6 weeks before the wedding. When you have a child with someone, there is no such thing as assuming you have the right to do whatever you want with that child.



Having said that, all I can suggest is that you talk to a lawyer, and try to make arrangements. I highly doubt that it will be resolved before you get married, but there's not much that can be done about that. I would not recommend that you make ANY changes to the current arrangements with your ex while it is being sorted out, because it will only be seen unfavourably by the court.



I am not saying your reasoning is not valid, and there is a high possibility the court will see your argument, BUT, it is not your decision to make. You need to go through the correct channels to have the decision made if you ex is not in agreement.

Michelle - posted on 08/20/2012

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Chaya: Comparing a Father to an Aunt isn't the same at all. A Father has a right to be involved in his childs life.

Michelle - posted on 08/20/2012

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The Father has a say as your son is his son as well. If the visitation arrangement that you have is court ordered then you will have to go back to court to get it changed.

If you insist on leaving the Father can petition the court to make you stay as you are purposely shortening the length of time he spends with your son.

Look at it from your son's point of view: At the moment he sees his Father regularly and if you move in with your soon to be husband YOU are shortening the amount of time he spends with Dad. When we have children we should be thinking about them first and not what we want to happen. We have to do the best for them.

Dove - posted on 08/20/2012

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I agree entirely with Jodi. You do have a valid reason for wanting to move, but when you have a child with someone else you need either... their permission, a way to not change the visitation order at all, or permission (and a new visitation order) through the court. Talk to a lawyer and see what you can do. It's your only legal option.

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Dove - posted on 08/20/2012

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Chaya... if she does that and the father petitions the court and the court finds her in the wrong... she could LOSE custody of her child over this. Have you ever had to fight in court for what is best for your child? In a divorce situation if there is a move that will interfere with visitation you very much DO need the permission of the father OR the permission of the court... or you will be in contempt of court and could face jail time in addition to losing custody. That's the reality here.

Chaya - posted on 08/20/2012

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My sister was trying to keep me from moving because she wanted free daycare, which I wouldn't do anyways, I told her to build me a house, get me a job, and I'm not going to babysit, then I moved anyways.
You don't need his permission to leave, just pack up and leave, it isn't dad's issue. I assume dad has a car and can drive, he just needs to start out a little earlier

Amy - posted on 08/20/2012

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How old is your son? Because once he's enrolled in school it really means he won't be able to see his son as often. It sounds like he plays an active role in his sons life and you should of discussed it with him before now, because that would of given you time to consult an attorney to see if you can have the arrangement modified. I would plan on staying put until you've gone through the courts.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/20/2012

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Hold on here, would this mean you are moving out of state or in the same state 2 1/2 hours away? If it is in the same state, he may not have grounds to prevent you. This i s a court matter, and take it to your lawyer. No amount of advice that we give you will hold any water unless you get judicial help. If it is still in state, I can see them favoring you.

Kami - posted on 08/20/2012

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No, your ex is being an ass. If you are getting married there is no reason why you can't move. Its not like its 10 hours away. Go to the Friend of the Court and consult with a lawayer. You may have to fight a little but they shouldn't deny it, esp if you are in the same state. They will just change the order and even give your ex christmas, spring, and summer break. My ex is 1 1/2 hours away. He tried to stop us but we just end up making other arrangements for visitations. My husband has been through the same thing because he has custody but he move 20+ hours away. Just make sure you go through the courts. Everything will work out! Good luck

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