My father's son hasn't been in the picture for over a year!

Mackenzie - posted on 06/14/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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So I'll start with the background story... The father of my son and I have never been married, he was verbally abusive and had a lot of emotional and personality issues, and had quite the temper. After my son was born we stayed together for about 5 months and then I left him.. for another 6 months he would see my son once a week or once every 2 weeks for a few hours. We never set up child support or took anything to the court. He never paid a dime to me and I was always the one supporting my son. When my son turned one I relocated out of state to be with my family and since i moved I have not heard from him, he hasnt tried taking me to court or anything, that was one year ago. So to sum it up, my sons father and I were never married, nothing was ever established in the courts and I moved and haven't heard anything from him in a year. My son has his last name, and as sad as it is i wish he he didn't. I'm getting married in 2 weeks and my fiance has truly taken the role of being my son's father. He love and supports him and cares for him as his own, and my son loves him more than anything. Should I still ever worry about his biological father ever coming around? When could my soon to be fiance adopt my son? Would we have to contact his biological father, even though I have no way of contacting him and have no idea where he lives now?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/14/2015

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You don't get it. No judge in the US is going to sign off on an adoption unless rights are terminated. You never attempted to contact him. He CAN claim parental alienation, and that is serious.
Child support wasn't established: That was YOUR responsibility, to get an attorney and file. By not doing so, you didn't insure that your child would be adoptable by the next guy you choose to be with, you simply complicated matters.
If you WANTED him to rescind rights, you should have started the process before you moved. In that regard, your attorney did you no favors.
You CANNOT MAKE THIS DECISION WITHOUT A COURT OF LAW BEING INVOLVED.

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Mackenzie - posted on 06/14/2015

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Excuse me but I think if you have nothing good to say then don't say anything at all. you don't know me or my 'story' as you say. People make mistakes, it happens and obviously you live and make the best of things. I don't regret having my son, he's my world. However, I wish I would have been smarter and seen the warning signs of his father's personality. Things weren't bad for a long time but got worse. I'm pretty sure once I see my son being neglected and I started being verbally and physically abused I knew something had to change. I wasn't strong enough to get out of a toxic relationship like some people might, but I finally did and I wanted a better life for my son. Do not comment again on this post if all you are going to be is negative.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/14/2015

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Honey, this is not rude, it is the truth, as it happens to be in the United States.
I'm sorry that you don't like it.
Life isn't sunshine and rainbows, and avoiding the legalities isn't going to make it so.
Do yourself a favor. Move forward with a new attorney, do the RIGHT thing in court, and then, if he doesn't protest, as is his right as the child's father, your new man can adopt.

Mackenzie - posted on 06/14/2015

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My lawyer isn't dumb and he was well known in my home state. I don't appreciate your rude responses. He was aware of my move and there was a few weeks where we did message back and forth and he was being very threatening however he never did anything. I was looking for support or advice, not someone to be rude and talking to me like I am stupid.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/14/2015

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No, I don't know you, but I know plenty of women who have your same 'story'.
"I slept with a guy, but he's not good enough to be a father, so I'm going to not bother with court, I'm just going to take MY child and do what I want"
It doesn't work that way. Sorry, honey, but it just doesn't.
Whatever attorney you are consulting who is giving you this oh so ignorant advice...I'd change. You're not doing yourself, or your son any favors.

Mackenzie - posted on 06/14/2015

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I know he is not my "possession", but he is my son and I want whats best for him. That was kind of rude of you to say to me since you dont know me and don't know all the details. His biological father is not a good influence and barely wanted anything to do with me or my son. It was a toxic environment. Obviously I slept with him and had a child with him, that's not the point. I've been in touch with a lawyer and the last time we talked he said to let him fade and that is what has been happening. However I'm getting married now and my fiance is a better dad than he will ever be.

Mackenzie - posted on 06/14/2015

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Well my lawyer told me to move away and be close to my family and have a fresh start to better myself and my son. His father knew where I moved to and he had my number and location but has never tried contacting me or anything since I moved. His name is on the birth certificate but child support was never established and there was no court case for custody rights or anything. He never tried fighting for rights or offered any help and he is totally out of the picture.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/14/2015

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"We never set up child support or took anything to the court.": You should have. Do so now.
"He never paid a dime to me and I was always the one supporting my son. " Because you never went to court to outline custody, visitation and support, of course he didn't.
"I'm getting married in 2 weeks and my fiance has truly taken the role of being my son's father. He love and supports him and cares for him as his own, and my son loves him more than anything. Should I still ever worry about his biological father ever coming around?" Yes, yes you should. You cannot decide to terminate his rights based on the fact that you didn't take care of legal arrangements to begin with. You slept with this man, created another human being with him. That child is not your possession. He is 1/2 YOU, 1/2 HIM, and his father has the same rights to BE a father that you have to be a mother. He has the right to petition custody, visitation, etc.
You need to be aware that, since you haven't made any attempts to contact him and have since relocated, he could potentially claim parental alienation as well.
It is best that you get an attorney NOW to get this straightened out.
If your fiance wants to adopt your son, your ex's rights will need to be terminated. This is a court process, and, yes, he CAN protest and counter file.
You can start by filing custody, and support. Try looking in the last place you knew he was for contact info and move forward. Legally you cannot have your fiance adopt your child at this point.

Dove - posted on 06/14/2015

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If you did not go to court and have the father's rights legally terminated... he can pop up at any time and fight for his rights. YOU moved away... did you give the father any contact information when you did so? You would have to consult a lawyer to determine the best legal course of action at this point.

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