My fiancé and son have a strained relationship

Katie - posted on 02/15/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




I am so torn here! I love my fiancé and I hate to allow men into my kids life to just let them go ! I have 3 kids a girl 9 and two boys 7 and 5! My fiancé is 5 years younger than I with no kids !! He is always quick to tell me when he feels I'm not doing enough in disciplining my kids! Some areas he is correct! It was just the kids and I for 4 years on top of me working I was exhausted a lot and just let some things go!' Didn't create many rules and I'd cave in easy!! I admit I failed them !but i and doing my best and I have created rules I stick to! My 7 year old and fiancé have had a tough go at it!! From the beginning my son (who felt he wAs the man of the house.. A true mamas boy) he would kick him and say he hated him!! Caused a lot of resentment towards my son from my fiancé!! They havea strained relationship and he says I didn't handle those situations properly!! My son says my fiancé doesn't like or love him and my son tries to get attention by wrestling him and ends up getting hurt !! Long story short my youngest son came to me today and said my fiancé calls my 7 yr old a baby when he cries and he laughs about it!! My 5 yr old loves my fiancé but when he told me this it broke my heart!! Am I destroying my kids by staying!!


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Raye - posted on 02/16/2015




I would have a talk with your fiancé and ask him (don't accuse him) what his side of the story is. If he has been teasing your son, calling him a baby, then that is not appropriate.

It's pretty common for kids to have some adjustment issues with a new step parent. It's probably a bigger adjustment if you previously didn't enforce the rules and now you are (it's good that you are sticking to rules instead of caving in all the time). If your fiancé has helped you in that regard, good for him. You should take his thoughts into consideration. However, Evelyn is right. If he doesn't have much experience around kids, he could be reacting inappropriately to their emotional outbursts. Does it mean you should dump him, not necessarily. He also needs to take your thoughts into consideration, both as a partner and most importantly when dealing with your children. If he can learn and adjust himself to dealing with these new challenges, then he may be a keeper. If he thinks he was right to ridicule an upset 7 y/o kid and doesn't think he needs to change that behavior, then you definitely need to cut him loose.

Ev - posted on 02/16/2015




So your fiance has never had children of his own. Has he had experience with other children besides yours? If he has not, it sounds like he does not know what to do around children. You said you have given in a lot because of working and being exhausted and doing the best that you can. But what worries me is that the 7 year old and fiance is not getting along. Your son has no right to go kicking anyone but he does have the right to voice his thoughts and opinions about things and if about your fiance he should do that with you alone. Also if your fiance is calling him a baby to him, he is not helping the situation at all. Is it worth being with someone who does not get along with your kids for the sake of having a relationship? Your child needs you more than the man does.

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