My fiancé kicked me out of his house @ 8 wks pregnant, I'm heartbroken

Thalia - posted on 04/24/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I was with my ex, off and on for 6 years. I'm 24 years old, and he's 22 years old. I was living with him (his mom's place) for about 2 months, after he had proposed to me in early February. I asked him if he wanted to have a baby, and we both agreed. I conceived right away. Fast forward 2 months later, he ended up kicking me out when I was 8 weeks pregnant, and told me to get the fudge of out his house, and when he came back he didn't want to see me or my sh** there. Then he just got his keys, and left. I went to go talk to his mom after he had left, and instead of telling me to stay or something, she just told me her son was sick of me & that it would be best for me to just leave. She told me, "Just pack all of your things, and just go". I don't think she wanted me there either. So I feel like, they BOTH kicked me out. So I packed all my things, and left the engagement ring on the bed, and the house keys, and headed back to my parents house. Really what led to this happening, was just a silly little fight, my ex has anger management issues. He called me 2 days later, asking me if I wanted for him to come with me to the OB/GYN appointments, and I told him I wasn't comfortable with that. He also didn't ask me for me to move back in with him. Instead, he said for me to stay at my parents house, and he would stay at his mom's house, and he would come see me once in a while, and or vice versa. I told him no, that it didn't seem fair to me that he only wants to have a couple of hours of responsibility, and then he just goes back to his mom's house. After a few, couple days of thinking about it, I called him back and told him that even though I didn't agree with his plan, I was willing to comply for the baby. He flat out told me NO. He told me he thought that's what he wanted, but he came to realize he wants nothing to do with me. He told me to go find another father for "it,'' and that he never wanted the baby in the first place. He told me he wanted to leave me in the past, and IF he ever missed me, he would MANAGE. And though I'm ashamed to admit it, I did beg him crying for an hour, asking him to please reconsider. He hung up on me numerous times. I just left it at that. I am EXTREMELY HEARTBROKEN. I am shocked that he would be that cruel to me. I'm even depressed now. I'm trying my hardest to be strong for the baby, but it's extremely difficult. I've already lost 5 pounds in 5 days. Please, I could really use some words of encouragement, and advice. Thank you to all those who read this, and god bless you all.

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Mary - posted on 04/24/2016

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Thalia, you are so welcome! Thank you so much for telling me that, it made my day just as much! I wish nothing but good things for you and you baby. Keep your head up and keep moving forward and everything will work out perfectly for the both of you!!

Ev - posted on 04/24/2016

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Mary--I agree with most of your advice but the statement I am quoting a do not agree totally with and I will explain why.
"But PLEASE also use this time to realize how bad of a guy he is. The way he treated you and his unborn child, that is not love. Staying with a guy like that will not only ruin your life but your childs life as well. People's behavior gets worse with time, not better."
~~First, this guy is dispicable for treating her in such a way, I will agree with that. But in the last part you said that he would ruin the life if this girl and her baby. That is not entirely true. Since he is the father he will have rights to the baby just as she will. Also a person can change in behavior or manner. Not all people who show a bad behavior or manner stay that way forever or get worse overtime.~~

Thailia--For you, I am sorry you ended up being treated like this in the end by a guy who has a lot of maturing to do over the next few years. His mother backed him up because he is her son. You have to expect that. I know that for fact because when my ex and I divorced his parents backed him like parents should. Does not mean she thinks little of you or anything. After several years, my former mother inlaw and I still remain friends. Once that baby comes she might just change her mind and want to be part of her grandchild's life. You also have to expect a few other things and think about them. When that baby is born you are going to need to think about custody, child support and visitation for the father. You will need to find a lawyer to spell out all the laws to you and how it works. Dad may come back and also try to get visitation or custody and it is his right. But no matter how it works out get custody, visitation and child support set up as soon as possible so all of you know what your obligations to the child are and that the child can have access to both parents. Do not deny him visits if he asks. Offer some as well. If he does not come to visit, make record of time, day, and what was offered in the visit and the result. It will help in court if it is needed. And most important make sure he is named as the father on the Birth Certificate so that you do not have a mess when it comes to the custody and child support.
I know Mary gave some good advice but saying that this guy is a for sure rotten kind of person that won't ever change is wrong. There is every possible chance he can change at least for the baby's concerns. You do not have to go back to him but you will have to be connected via your baby for 18 years.

Mary - posted on 04/24/2016

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Hey there Thalia,
First off let me say that I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I'm sure you are completely heart broken. I'm also sure that you are having a ton of mixed emotions, especially because your pregnant. But I want to tell you something you either already know or arent ready to admit. That guy is a piece of shit. And trust me when I tell you, he did you a favor. You, for yourself and for you baby, need to get it in your head real quick that you deserve better. DO NOT allow some guy (no matter how much you loved him) to treat you like something disposable. You are young, and that comes with it's own set of emotional hurtles, allow yourself to feel the pain and the heartbreak, allow yourself time to heal. But PLEASE also use this time to realize how bad of a guy he is. The way he treated you and his unborn child, that is not love. Staying with a guy like that will not only ruin your life but your childs life as well. People's behavior gets worse with time, not better. Thats prob why you guys have been off and on for so long. Stay away from him and his family. Heal, think, reconnect with yourself and connect with your baby. With time, it will all get so much easier, I promise. You might still be in the shocked phase, but in time that will subside. Just keep to yourself and look forward to a future that holds whatever beautiful things that YOU want it to hold.

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Ev - posted on 04/24/2016

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And as I said in my post, the only thing you need contact about with him is the child. I am glad that you are going to go through with the custody etc. It is best for all of you. And you hurt right now too after what was done and said. It is normal. I am divorced after 12 plus years of marriage. My ex said some awful things about me during the first few years. I got past it as you will do the same in time. It is awful that a father to be will just do that all of a sudden but most girls that post here have been off and on again or just with them for a time and got pregnant and the guy left them too. It is not unusual for this to happen this day and age. I just wish you the best. Take care.

Thalia - posted on 04/24/2016

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Evelyn, Thank you for taking the time to read and offering your input. But I must say, because he did in fact kick me out of his house without any regards to me, he also kicked out his unborn child. Or at least, that's the way I see it. His mother thinks I am a bad mother, and so I know for a fact, she does think little of me. She says this because, from week 4 to week 8, I wasn't eating as well, and she sees that as me starving myself, which is kind of extreme. (she also implanted this idea into her son, and he thinks i'm bad mother too) But, every pregnancy is different for every woman. In my case, I've had severe morning sickness, and my doctor refused to give me any medication. So I was eating to the best of my abilities. As far as custody, visitation, and child support, I am already in motion of seeing a lawyer to help me with the case. Of course, I will not deny him visits of his child. But, from what I see, and what he said, he wants nothing to do with the baby. Or at least, that's what he last said. Of course, a person changing for the better, isn't impossible, but it probably is very unlikely. He might change for his daughter/or son's concern in the future, (and I hope he does) but as far as him treating me with respect, and at least having a little bit of compassion towards me, he doesn't

Thalia - posted on 04/24/2016

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Mary, I am sincerely touched with your kind words, and warm heart. I am glad there are still good, kind hearted people in this world. Thank you for replying, it's been almost a week since he left me, and I haven't smiled since today. You almost made me cry, in a good way of course! :) Thank you for putting a smile on my face.

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