My fiancee thinks his job is harder/more stressful than mine!

Carleigh - posted on 02/25/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My little girl just turned 1 at the beginning of February, so I am a fairly new mommy haha. I got pregnant with my daughter pretty much immediately after I graduated from university and I luckily had already landed a teaching job at a small countryside school a few months after I graduated and found out I was expecting with my soon to be husband. I had taken a very short leave from work because I have so much student debt and am now caring for a child and saving for a wedding. My fiancee on the other hand had kept his job full time with the RCMP throughout my pregnancy. We both make roughly the same yearly salary at this point.\
Anyways I have been feeling stressed because I work all day with kids at school and then I come home and have to fully take care of the baby while I still have work to correct and lessons to plan. It is starting to become more than I thought it would and I am getting so stressed. Yesterday my fiancee asked me why I was feeling this way and after I had explained everything he told me that my job was easier and that he was the one who should be stressed because he has a physically demanding job with the police and puts his life on the line every day.. I understand where he is coming from, but I believe every job comes with different struggles and can cause the same amount of stress to any given individual depending on how they handle it etc...but he just wont understand! I don't know if I want to marry him if he isn't going to help out even a little bit with our child, I also don't want to marry him if he can't even comfort me through stressful times, I know I would for him.

Am I being completely irrational or what?
Also how can I nicely help him see through my eyes about this?

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Carleigh - posted on 02/25/2014

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Jodi, you are right about the mind reader thing! I will admit I am definitely the kind of woman who expects men to read their minds haha :-( oops, but that really helped thanks do much for your input!

Jodi - posted on 02/25/2014

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I think he is being an ass. Honestly, you were trying to talk to him about how you were feeling, and he essentially dismissed it. At that point, you were just needing to vent to him and get it off your chest.

The trouble is, when we vent our stresses, men, by nature, feel the need to try to "fix" it. It is possible he didn't mean to be insensitive, but he probably wasn't quite sure what you wanted him to "do". Maybe you need to explain to him that you weren't looking for him to fix anything, but rather than vent to him about being stressed, flat out ask him if he could please help and let him know HOW he can help. Men are not mind readers, and they don't really read between the lines particularly well. You have to actually spell it out to them. Hinting at it doesn't work.

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