My fiances only child died a month and a half before I met him...Does that make me a step-mom to be

Tammie - posted on 09/27/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

4

0

0

My fiances only daughter died 1 1/2 months before I met him. Does that make me a step-mom or am I just nothing to her. We never met but through family and friends and pictures and videos I am lucky to get to know who she was a bit. But I feel as announcing myself as her step-mother is questionable?? And just fyi the real mother hates me and hates the fact that I talk about her daughter at all. So I dont want to be stepping on toes either.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

S. - posted on 09/27/2012

1,182

9

312

With all due respect speaking as a mother I would be mighty pissed off if some stranger was announcing themselves as step any thing to my daughter that died, I say stranger because you wasn't even around. My hb only became step dad after many years of him being around and many years to earn the titel before that he was just a friend.

I am sure you fiancé appreciates it and it's lovely you are clearly keeping her memory alive but maybe keep it between you and him.

Brittany - posted on 09/27/2012

52

0

15

Yup I agree with the above poster. Your not a step-mom. You never impacted this little girls life... The mother is probably quite depressed, and you calling your self a step-mother, is not going to help.



She was your fiances daughter, and thats how I would speak about her if I was in your shoes, or simply by using her name. I could understand someone being offened with you giving yourself that term. Try to sympathize with the mom, and look at it from her point of view, she just lost her daughter and your referring to yourself as a mother...



Good luck to you and your fiances :)

Michelle - posted on 09/27/2012

4,203

8

3246

I wouldn't call yourself her step mom at all. You had never met her. She was your fiance's daughter.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/27/2012

21,273

9

3058

And no, you are not spiritually her step mother either. You are making ME upset about it, and I am no one to this family. i think it is rather arrogant of you to feel that you are a step parent in any way shape or form.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/27/2012

21,273

9

3058

No, I don't feel you are anything to that girl. No offense, but you have never met her, and were never a part of her life. I do not blame the mother for getting uspet that you talk about her daughter. It is very painful to lose a child, and it would probably really hurt her if she heard you are pretendign you were a step mother. You were barely a girlfriend after she died. You are now a fiance, but that does not make you a step mother to a dead child that you have never met.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

8 Comments

View replies by

Tammie - posted on 09/27/2012

4

0

0

She is and will always be a part of our life his life and mine together. Although I am not a step-mom psychically. I am spiritually and I think that counts too. Thanks for your help though.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms