My four year old son is having alot of problems in daycare.

User - posted on 12/05/2008 ( 6 moms have responded )

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He hits and yells at friends and teachers. I've tried reward systems at home to encourage him to have better days, but it only last a few days. I don't know what to do. I've tried asking him what's going on, I've talked with the teachers, I just have no idea what to do. How do I control my son's behavior if I'm not with him?

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Bethany - posted on 12/08/2008

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I read a book called "The Trouble with Boys" by Peg Tyre and it suggests that sometimes boys act out at day cares and preschools that are overly structured- i.e. a lot of "sit down and learn" types of activities that they just aren't ready to handle yet at that age. They don't get enough opportunities to burn off their energy in constructive ways (like he probably does at home). Just something that came to mind when I read your question--- may not apply to your centre but just thought I'd mention it! Best wishes...

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Kelly - posted on 10/18/2012

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OMG! I'm going through the same thing! Just picked him up from daycare and was told that he is still hitting. He hit his best freind at the same daycare and another boy! I don't know where you are but I had a questionnaire done by myself and the daycare from a supported children's society called Simon Fraser Society in the Lower mainland of BC Canada. He is at a higher level in social/emotional development. I'm going back to them to let them know that he is still acting out in group settings usually over toys! Maybe he is having troubles expressing himself when angry or upset. Will be looking at that. My boy is very active, smart and headstrong! Also very loving so this is a struggle. The daycare says that my son single handledly wears out 3+ daycare workers!!! I also need help!

Good luck, Sista Mom!!!

Traci - posted on 12/08/2008

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Is your son new to daycare or to this particular daycare? If so, maybe these are adjustment to a new situation or environment issues. Is anything going on with your family (illness of a family member, job changes,etc.); our little ones can be very perceptive of stress in us. You may also want to make an unscheduled visit to the daycare to ensure that there is no abuse occurring there. This happened to a friend. Her son kept getting into trouble at school and she later found out that someone there had hurt him. I sincerely hope this is not the case, but a visit to be sure may put your mind at ease.

Fara - posted on 12/07/2008

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How long has he been going there? Does the daycare have a stable staff? I have run a daycare for 20+years. Usually the kids that do this at school also do this at home and are testing the teachers OR something isn't right at school- do you know the teacher well? Could you ask other parents about the teacher? If it isn't the teacher, I would say be VERY consistant with his discipline at home and take away priveleges at home so he will know he cannot do that at school- GOOD LUCK!!

[deleted account]

My son went through the same thing. There was about 2 weeks where I received phone calls almost every day. As it turned out, there were many changes taking place in the daycare - new children coming in, old friends leaving, new teachers, new routines, etc. My son is extremely routine oriented, and this had just thrown him for a loop. I was able to sit down with the daycare director, and his teachers and discuss the situation with them. We came up with a plan to focus on good behavior, but to also help Jants adjust to the new routine and teachers. It took another 2 weeks or so, but he didn't have any more issues for the rest of the time he was at the daycare.

Marni - posted on 12/06/2008

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I taught PreK for 3 years and I have a very "playful" child. I say playful because he is not meaning to hurt anyone. The best thing I have found to do when a child is acting out aggressively is to give them a lot of praise for their good behavior. It has to be constant. Also, role playing is good even for little ones. You can just say you're going to practice and always give 3 examples. The right way....model it and then have him show you. Then ask him to show you the wrong way and then tell him what the consequence would be and ask him how he feels about it....then one more time have him show you the right way. When you do this, kids see that they get a lot more positive feedback for doing the right thing. Some kids don't respond well to behavior charts. With my son, I also take things away from him when he is going through a rough time period, I'll take toys away when he gets in trouble at daycare and when he is too rough or says something inappropriate. I make sure to give one back when I he is caught being nice or when he plays gently wih his brother. I hope this helps!

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