my girls wants to be a boy. advice please.HELP!!!!!

Tash - posted on 09/09/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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my middle child, gab. a girl wants to be a boy when she grows up, and i thought that i should tell her that she can be and do anything when she grows up. and we have allowed her to express this feeling, by wearing boys clothes and getting boy toys for birthday and xmas, ( you see this has been going on since she was 18mths- and could talk) but now, that she is almost 4 i think that she really want's to be a boy in all ways and i am not sure if this is just a stage of deciding who she is or if it more than that, should i just let her be or talk to her. i have told her that she is a boy on the outside- clothes etc, but a girl on the inside- her body. not sure if i should do more than this, i am getting conflict from grandparents, they tell her 'YOUR NOT A BOY YOUR A GIRL" i really don't like this, but should i be doing this. SO CONFUSED!! please help

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Sonia - posted on 11/24/2012

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I really could do with some advice my daughter is 14 and has always been a tomboy but also has a feminine side too, she is getting called names at school due to preferring boyish clothes and activities and most friends being boys. she has now told me she thinks she has/is gender dysphoria and has even asked about top surgery and testosterone.........although i will support her no matter what I really feel that she is jumping the gun and believe it is just a phase due to name calling hormones etc but I have to admit its breaking my heart as I dont know if i am doing right, I have said I will get her counselling and we will go from there.......but I think she feels I am pushing her feelings away, she has told me she has been suffering depression and had THOUGHTS over this and I got to admit I am worried sick.....advice please

Grace - posted on 10/01/2012

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My 8 year old is doing the same thing. She has shown signs since she was 2. We thought it was cute that she wanted to play with firetrucks and wear boy cloths. Now it has gotten more serious. She has made us give her a buzz cut, she only wears boys clothes. Everything about her is like a boy how she talks walks everything. People are constantly saying how cute your son is. I am so confused too. I worry so much that she is going to be picked on and bullied. The older she gets the more she shows signs of really wanting to be a boy. She told us that if she acts and dresses like a boy she will turn into one. When I asked her when she grows up would she kiss a boy or a girl, she said a girl and it would be weird for her to kiss a boy. I am very nervous and confused and don't know what to do. I will adore her no matter what, I just want to make sure the rest of the world is as accepting of her. If anyone is expeirencing the same let me know how it worked out.

Jaime - posted on 09/09/2009

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The confusion and conflict you are experiencing comes from society's need to put a label on EVERYTHING! Your daughter has expressed increased interest from the age of 18 months in clothing, toys and likely activities that are stereotypically associated with the 'male' gender. Your daughter is only 4 years old, and although she may very likely have her mind made up about what material accessories she will identify with in the future, it does not necessarily mean that she will want to be a boy when she grows up. Your daughter is identifying her interests with being a boy because she has learned to identify boys and girls using the socially accepted labels and ideals associated with each gender. Books, pictures, movies, cartoons....there are a number of things that can and will influence young children that are not quite capable of understanding that labels are destructive and man-made. If she grows up wanting short hair, becomes a mechanic and doesn't cry over babies...it doesn't mean that she is a boy, it means that she is herself and that everyone else wants to place a label on her. If you are not happy with the remarks that are made about her by family or friends, then speak up and make sure everyone understands that you are supportive in her interests and you feel it is important that she be able to express herself in whatever way she chooses. You have not forced her to "act like a boy", she came by it naturally because that is what is in her heart at present...let her be and rest assured knowing that at the end of the day she is your child, and she loves you just the same in jeans and cowboy boots as she does in a dress!

Tiffany - posted on 09/10/2009

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LOL,

Well just to give you an example: I was a tomboy HEAVILY until i discovered boys in about 8th grade, so I wouldnt worry too much at this age. I had to have boy clothes, cut my hair like a boy, a boys bike, boys shoes, some boy toys, ect. I also wanted a few girly things, like "my little ponies" but not in "pink" my definition of a girl color at age 6.

I had mostly sisters, but one brother growing up, and my parents just let us be. I still to this day wont wear dresses, i only own ONE for funerals...

Tell the GP's to chill, and let her be. She'll be fine. Maybe a little hard, and a little outspoken, but she'll be her own person, not dependant on someone her entire life

Tash - posted on 09/10/2009

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my only problem is that i seem to be the only one fighting for her right to express herself this way, and that has made me second guess myself. at school on wed they played a game that put the girls in one group and the boys in another and she got really upset, cause she wanted to be in the boy's but she had to go to the girls. should i be talking to the teachers to let her have her way, or talk to her? i really like that she is different, and cause i have all girls, i understand that she wants to be different, and this is a way of doing that. plus that dad is a boy and dad is god. LOL.

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Hi there Tash , you are a great mother and standing by you daughter is a great thing cause not many parents are as understanding as you,but i can def understand your worry....

she is quite young still so she may grow out of it yet, you have time before you need to be concerned that she wants to be a boy for good,she may just be a tomboy for life and thats ok,do what you are doing and stand by her cause thats def what i would do...good luck with it all..:-)

Sharon - posted on 09/10/2009

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I think to much is being made of the whole situation.



please see a counselor and get professional advice. my kids counselor at their school is excellent for a sounding board when I'm unsure of the right way to handle things. From there I can go to a certified/licensed psychologist or psychiatrist

Alissa - posted on 09/10/2009

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I can tell you that when I was little I was a "boy". I hated anything to do with girl things, I played with my boy cousins and boy toys. I didn't like dresses or barbies and my mom just let it be. I finally grew out around the age of 11- middle school. Today I am 29 and am still a "tom boy", just ask my 6 year old. I think that no matter what we as parnets just have to let our kids grow up to be how they feel they are, we will love them no matter what.

Sharon - posted on 09/09/2009

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I don't think she needs counseling exactly but you do. You're not screwed up - and I agree with Jodi - this is most likely a stage.



4 is difficult to communicate with. But try asking her why she wants to be a boy. If she says "fun" "toys" etc, then you can tell her she can be a girl and have/do those things too.



She is a girl. She was born a girl. I highly doubt she was gender confused at the tender age of 18mos. She's just enjoying the "OMG hear what she said" situation.



You need the counseling to help you understand her, JIC she is gender bent. Or whatever the fk the politically correct term is. Frankly those people who are gender bent have horribly hard lives, I hope thats not the case for your little girl.



My daughter wanted to know why she couldn't be a boy, around 3 or 4 - I told her "because boys have penises and you have a vagina." then I had to explain what a penis was. But that seemed to clinch it for her. Boys have penises, girls have vaginas. She is who she is. She loves soccer, playing football, and putting dresses on her dog.

Jodi - posted on 09/09/2009

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Possibly just a stage, really. My 4 year olod daughter is a shocker (I think having older brothers has had a big influence on her). About 6 months ago she went through a phase were she even wanted to pee in the toilet like a boy and she found a way to stand on her stool and cock her leg so she could pee standing up like her brothers. I nearly wet myself laughing.



I would personally let it go. She may be just a bit of a tomboy. Does she have a lot of cousins, siblings, friends who are boys? That could be all it is right now. With regard to gifts and things, I buy lego for my daughter, boy's lego and she prefers to play with cars than dolls most of the time.



My son at that age was getting dolls as gifts because he like playing with dolls, it never bothered me, and he is a perfectly fine, well adjusted 12 year old boy.

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