Sheila - posted on 06/20/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )
After 2 years, the pain is still almost unbearable. What makes it worse is that I don't see my grand-daughter getting better. She has been in counseling weekly for 2 years now. Her therapist is reccommending a residentail treatment center. I am so afraid for her and I will miss her so much. I feel helpless.
My husband and her step-grandfather started grooming her shortly after we married. She was 10. A few months later while I was working her went into her bed and that was the first physical encounter. She was still 10. Her abuse lasted for about 15 months until she told someone at school that she might be pregnant. She had just turned 12. She is now 14.
It turns out that he was a seasoned pedophile! But, he had managed to keep his activity secret all these years. Years previously, he had a step-daughter who told, but no one believed her. He did things to discredit a child's trustablilty - set them up to be caught for something they didn't do - so that other people felt the child could not be trusted.
He gave her cigarettes and alchohol. He showed her a lot of porn. I had kept my grand-daughter on weekends since she was a baby. Her Mom works weekends. I lost my job just prior to my marriage to this creep. I decided to go back to school, but I found a part-time teaching job where I worked 6 hours on Saturdays. He used this 6 hours to make my grand-daughter's life a living hell. He was a well-educated (master's degree) professional. He had his own grand-children. As far as I can find out, he was never even suspected of inappropriate behavior with a child (other than the one time with his step-daughter - which was over 30 years before I met him and I knew absolutely nothing about.) This man was well-respected and liked by everyone. We were older (late 50's) but we still had an active sex life.
I was in total shock when I found out. (I'll call my grand-daughter Janie) When Janie's family found out, we beleived her immediately. A child does not lie about something like this!!! We reported it to the authorities and I began secretly planning my move. I still had no job and needed to get away with as much money as possible. I stayed 4 days. How I kept from killing him is still a mystery to me. When I left, the s#*t hit the fan. I had found another victim who was now grown. We had his DNA in her panties (the test hadn't come back but he knew it would be his semen.) He began admitting what he had done - but insisted that these two girls were the only victims - he sent me emails and text messages with details.....claiming he loved Janie...he referred to their relationship as an affair. He apologized for not being a "faithful husband." I encourgaged him to tell me things because I was passing this on to the Sherriff's Dept.
A week after I moved, the Sherriff's Dept showed up at the house with an arrest warrant. He was threatening suicide. His daughter called me to come over. I was afraid for her, so I went. He ran into the field and tried to hide. Finally, she saw him behind a tree and screamed. The deputies ran toward him and he shot and killed himself. I'm glad he is dead. And, I do not feel one bit of guilt for feeling this way. He "killed" my grand-daughter childhood, her innocence. He killed a part of me. His death kept us out of a long legal battle. And, I was the beneficiary of his life insurance so I have been able to start over in a different town and house. His family was saved from the humiliation. It was one thing he did right.
I think I could start healing, if I saw my grand-daughter getting better. After his death, she was so confused. I think she had some sort of "stockholm" effect because she missed him terribly. She saw his ghost and talked to him.
Her biological father left her when she was two. His parental rights were terminated, but she had begun asking about him and wanted to meet him. They had met while this abuse was taking place. After my husband died, she started coming on to her biological father. My daughter explained this behavior to Janie's Dad and told him how the counselor suggested he handle it. He said he understood and promised to help. He is a recovering narcotics addict - but had been sober for a few years. She began having supervised (by his sister and grandmother) with him on Sunday afternoons. We all thought this would be good for her.
After about 6 months, I began suspecting something wasn't right. I found some evidence that appeared as if he was getting her to steal pain killers from my Mother who is elderly and in a lot of pain. In snooping and pretending to be her on a Facebook chat, I confirmed this. When we confronted Janie with this, she also admitted that they had a sexual relationship. She said it was her idea and that it was their business....they weren't hurtin anyone....and that they loved each other. After 4 months of counseling, she has accepted that it was illegal. But, she hasn't accepted that he was abusing her. She recanted her story to the Sherrif's Dept. and there were no charges.
She now comes on to men whenever she gets an opportunity. She is totally grounded from any social media - computer, ipod, cell phone, kindle, etc. She used them to find porn. Her therapist says she has an adddiction. Before we knew she was accessing porn sights with her ipod, she was going onto "hookup sites" and talking to men who knew she was only 14. She sent them nude photos.
I know she is one messed up little girl! I don't know how to help and protect her from herself.
I will mention that she was born premature and suffers from mild celebral palsy. She is very intelligent but she has some physical weaknesses. She walks with a limp, etc. She has suffered a lot of from other kids - not necessarily intentionall being mean - but not wanting her to play on their team, etc. She constantly seeks approval. If she tells me once a day she tells me 10 times a day that she loves me. She wants (and gets) hugs from me all the time. She told that I would hate her and never want to see her again, if she told anyone. She has had 2 years of reassurance, but she still seems afraid I am going to turn against her.
Has anyone else dealt with these type of problems in the aftermath? I read so much about what to do after the initial disclosure. What do you do with the long term effects?