My grown kids are just about to leave home and I'm a loss of what to do with my life now.

Kim - posted on 07/15/2014 ( 17 moms have responded )

10

0

1

For the past 25 years I have been a stay-at-home mom. My "kids" are 24 and 22 and even though they haven't quite moved out yet (daughter will be this Sept) and our son is talking about wanting to live in the city to finish his 4th year of University, I already feel like my job is done and I kind of feel useless now. Nobody needs mothering anymore, they don't need me to organize their lives and frankly I hover too much. My whole focus has been raising them, with my husband, and now I just feel like I have no purpose. I have no idea what I'd like to do, nothing seems to grab me. I just want to feel needed again! My husband and I have a great marriage, that's not a problem, but he is busy with his career still, and I'm seem to be just filling my days with my to-do list jobs until a good show comes on tv at night.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/15/2014

13,264

21

2015

Its tough, but mainly you need to find something you've always wanted to try (such as pottery), and go for it!

You may find that you have a knack for things that you never realized. I recently gained an extra room in the house, because my eldest finally got on his own...and lo & behold, I am REALLY enjoying having a sewing room and playing with different sewing and quilting projects. Always wanted to, but never had the space.

17 Comments

View replies by

Lori - posted on 07/20/2014

126

0

0

but if you don't need the money and you find something you are really passionate about, you may be much happier

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/18/2014

13,264

21

2015

I'll admit, to this day when I see that lady, I still let her know how important that was to me...LOL...and my kiddo is now 20 years old!

I figure when both of my boys are out, I'll do something similar, or become the neighborhood 'auntie' just to keep kiddos around. For some reason, even before we had our own, we still seemed to be the neighborhood kid hangout, so I can't see that changing...

Good luck, my friend! Keep us posted!

Kim - posted on 07/18/2014

10

0

1

What a heart warming story Shawnn. I am going to visit the hospital very soon and start the process of volunteering. (lots of screening and red tape) Finally, I have something that really grabs my heart.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/18/2014

13,264

21

2015

Kim, I absolutely love the internet and how it opens up the world...LOL...I now have friends in all countries!

I also love the 'foster grandparent' idea. This can also be done in school districts, individual schools have one or two ladies on hand for when the kids need a cuddle, etc, as well as classroom aides.

For the hospital setting, I can personally attest to the total relief I felt when my eldest (then 17 months) was in the hospital, I'd been by his side 24/7 because hubby worked out of state, and I hadn't even stepped out of the room except to run to the cafeteria for some substandard food...and through the door stepped an angel! A wonderful woman who's grown kids had moved out, and she was lonely, so volunteered in the pediatric unit. She came and sat with my son so that I could get more than 5 minutes of breathing room. I was almost at my breaking point with stress and tension, and there she was...such a blessing!

I tried to pay it forward a bit when he was in Children's when he was 17 years old...LOL...he didn't need his momma hovering as close that time, so I would keep an eye out for tired parents of little ones and my son and I would take their little guys for a bit to give them some respite.

Kim - posted on 07/18/2014

10

0

1

Thank you for your very meaningful comments. I love the idea of helping children in the hospital, especially holding the newborns. What an amazing idea! I will check that out. Thanks again, and what a help this circle of moms has been.

Guest - posted on 07/18/2014

460

0

26

I agree with both Lori and Shawnn. Hobbies are wonderful, but also, you don't have to get paid or bring in money for your actions to be meaningful or have worth.

I am a sahm, but I also volunteer--I always have. My mother and father have always taught us that the people who live in a community determine how healthy or unhealthy the community is. There are a lot of "jobs" that need to be done to keep a community healthy that there simply isn't any money to pay for....unless everyone donated money, but then if everyone was only donating money there would be no one to do the jobs.
For example, people who cannot read or hold a job damage the community because they depend on people in the community to do support them without any contribution. So we can teach the illiterate people to read, and teach them how to hold a job and they become productive and the whole community becomes healthier.
You can make a big difference in one person's life as well. Consider organizing craft parties for people in retirement homes--they LOVE to see young people and share their stories with you. It seems unimportant, but to them it makes their lives worth living (and your's too!).
If you love mothering, consider volunteering with the library for children's literacy programs--again, we need to shape our children into productive adults to carry our community when we are older.
Or consider the grandparent program at the children's hospital. My grandmother did this. Sometimes she was in NICU and she would hold the babies who were born to mothers who didn't want them or born to mothers who were going straight to jail or losing custody. The babies who are held on a regular basis thrive and require less medical care, thus saving the community tens of thousands of dollars, plus the babies are less likely to develop emotional conditions such as ODD. Sometimes she would go around to the children's rooms, those who were fighting childhood illnesses like cancer or had chronic heart conditions and so on and play games with them. This gave them someone new to talk to who wasn't a parent or doctor or nurse (and as unimportant as that sounds, it is HUGE for the emotional health of the child, which has a big impact on the physical health of the child), plus, it gave the exhausted parents a break. It is emotionally challenging to entertain and keep a child up beat and happy while you are terrified of the future for your baby.

Kim - posted on 07/18/2014

10

0

1

Thanks Lori for your post. I"ve been thinking of doing that, but since we're not retired yet I feel like if I'm going to do anything, I should at least bring in a little money. I don't know.

Kim - posted on 07/15/2014

10

0

1

Wow, that's so cool. The internet sure opens up the world, doesn't it? I hope you're enjoying your summer, it's been nice here, hot and humid with thunderstorms here and there. Actually, we're pretty much straight east of you then. Toronto is at the bottom of the province, an hour and a half drive from the US border, so we're alot further south of alot of northern states.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/15/2014

13,264

21

2015

I'm a bit south of you...Like a lot...LOL

We're in Wyoming, in the southeast corner of the state

Kim - posted on 07/15/2014

10

0

1

Thanks Shawnn, it's been a pleasure chatting with you. I think I'll do it! You've been quite helpful. by the way, where abouts are you from? I'm close to Toronto, Ontario.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/15/2014

13,264

21

2015

Jump in, both feet!

You'll be amazed at what the sewing shop can do for your machine, and it shouldn't cost an arm & a leg...that's what surprised me about taking it in!

Plus, once you're there, you can check out the different crafting classes they offer as well!

Kim - posted on 07/15/2014

10

0

1

That sounds nice. I used to do sewing, until my daughter messed up the tension on my machine and I can't seem to set it right. I like that idea actually, thanks. Maybe I'll take my machine in and get the pro's to fix it. I've been tossing around the idea of volunteering somewhere too - maybe the hospital, or maybe our local animal shelter, if my poor wee heart can take it. :) If I had my way I'd take them all home with me. I've been doing lots of thinking about this stuff, and no "doing".

Kim - posted on 07/15/2014

10

0

1

Thanks for your reply Shawnn, I know I need to reinvent myself somehow. I've always wanted to try pottery classes so maybe I'll look into it. Now that I'm in my 50's, I'm dealing with menopause issues (hormonal hell!) so that's adding to my problem too. And filling the void with food isn't the way to go! I've put on 10 pounds in the past year due to all my emotional eating. Yikes, when it rains it pours!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/15/2014

13,264

21

2015

Start trying new things. Find a new activity (quilting, sewing, knitting, crafting, sailing, hiking, camping) that you've always wanted to try, but never did...and go for it!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms