My heart is breaking

Lindsey - posted on 07/26/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )




I am a single mother with one child. He is the only grandchild in my family so far. My mother has always helped me with babysitting when I work nights. I currently started dating someone new who my family does not approve of. My mother says that I cannot have my son as long as my boyfriend stays the night. She just came and took him against my will. I am not trying to get the legal system involved. I also feel like I am not an amazing parent but I am trying my best. I can't give him the things that my mother can material wise. It breaks my heart and really depresses me to think of my life without my son but my family just says that I don't care about him. I have never loved anyone as much as my son and being told that I am a terrible parent just really hurts. All I can do is sit here and cry about the thought of her legally taking him from me. I don't know what to do. I need help.


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Elaine - posted on 07/27/2016




I am sure you love your son as you have shared and that you want the best for him. Wanting the best for your child is where a mom's heart should be! As a single mom, it is up to you to provide safety, security and unconditional love to your son. It is not easy, but it is necessary, to make life changes when you have a child. You have already been given some wise advice from other posts. It is not in the best interest of your child, and perhaps even yourself, to have a boyfriend sleeping over with a child in the house. Your son is at a tender stage in his life. You cannot control if he wakes up in the middle of the night nor can you control the emotions he may feel because it looks like there is a new "dad" in the house. All of this will serve to confuse him and ultimately upset him. It is probably best that a child not be exposed to a partner unless you and your boyfriend have made a long-term commitment to each other that is solid and stable. While this may be hard for you, it is your son you need to consider. Once he feels insecure and unsure about where he stands, it is hard to get a child back on solid ground.
As far as your mom, it is good that she has helped while you are at work. I am sure you have expressed your appreciation. You do not need to give the same things to your son that your mom does "material wise." You are not in a competition with your mom, she is probably just trying to help and show her generosity. Your son needs your love and attention far more than material things right now. If you are not neglecting your son, your mom cannot take him away or make decisions when he can be with you. If possible, it would be best if you talked this out with your mom before getting the authorities involved to minimize upsetting your son or create an adversarial relationship with your mom since she wants to be involved and help where she can. Her concern is legitimate but she can't take your son. I hope you are able to make the decisions that are best for your son and heal the relationship with your mom. Wishing you the best.

Jodi - posted on 07/27/2016




I agree with your mother - it is WAY to soon for you to be having a man over at night while your child is there. You are a parent now, you have to consider what you are modeling to your child. It is a new relationship. You should not be including a man in your home at this point, and you should wait until you can be absolutely certain this relationship will last before you even consider getting children involved. You don't want children to have to go through ANOTHER break up and losing more people they start to care about.

Having said that, however, your mother has absolutely no right to remove your child from your care unless she has court orders to do so. That's not her prerogative. She COULD refuse to look after your child if she wanted to. But she can't just take him unless you let her. Call the police and ask them to please go with you to get your child back. How did she get in your house to get him in the first place?

Dove - posted on 07/26/2016




If anyone came and took my child away from me I would call the police and charge them w/ kidnapping. Unless she has a court order for custody of YOUR child... she can't do that.

Now... I do 100% agree w/ her that you should not have a new boyfriend sleeping over when your child is there... your child shouldn't even meet any dating interests unless you have been dating for at least 6 months and are getting serious... BUT that does not give her the right to take away your child.

Unless she can prove that your child is being neglected or abused in your care... she's not likely to be granted any sort of custody... and if she CAN prove that your son is being neglected or abused in your care... it's time to make some life changes.

Basically though... if your mother currently has no legal right to custody of your child... call the police and get him back... now.

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