My husband acts irrational - this time over our sick baby waking him up!

Cassandra - posted on 05/04/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hi all...I wanted to talk about my husband and get some input. My husband is very loving - affectionate, and very good to me and our children. Tonight he acted really irrational. Our 7 month old baby is sick. I didn't feel well myself, and i went to bed early. He was acting kind of negative and grouchy, complaining about not getting any time to himself, so he got to spend several hours playing his video games after i went to bed. This is typical, and he does play a lot of video games...I don't think he realizes how much he actually gets to himself even if he does have to get up often either for himself or one of the kids. Our baby slept the whole time too. He came to bed at 11PM and has to be up at 4AM for work. Shortly after midnight, our baby wakes up, and I go to fetch her. She cried for the 5 minutes it took me to change her and suck the boogies out of her nose. He came out and said in a real grouchy tone, "whats going on here?" It made me tense up the way he spoke so I told him exactly what was going on - that our baby is sick and I am taking care of her. Within 2 minutes I lie her back down and head back to bed. He was being very rude to me in the bedroom. He started off by saying "jesus christ the baby has been crying for 5 minutes and I have to get up in 3 hours!" I reminded him that she was sick an that he chose to go to bed at 11PM. He was being very bossy and I told him I didn't appreciate him for treating me like crap over this. i thought he would be more understanding...instead of acknowledging the situation, he started having these outbursts that were making me more and more upset. "Your crazy!" "Your acting mental!" "You are losing your mind!" "How can you be so angry at 2 o'clock in the morning?" I mean...he is saying these things inbetween me explaining that I didn't intend to wake him up, that the baby was sick and thats why she was crying, and that I didn't understand why he didn't get it...with each passing moment, he was just getting more and more irrational and was saying hurtful things. I lwalked away and left to the couch. I could hear him trailing off. This is NOT the first time he has done this, but it does not happen often.I believe in communication, so I try to talk things out to resolve a problem. I can get excited easily but I am generally calm when I speak. It REALLY hurts my feelings that he goes straight to name calling in stressful situations. He is an AMAZING man and I do not understand why he is like this sometimes! Have you ever gone through this? What do you think?

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Ev - posted on 05/04/2013

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Cassandra-You both need to sit down and really have a heart to heart on this. You need to make up a scheduled time for the two of you like a date night once a week. Does not mean you have to go spend money to go do something or let a friend watch the kids for a couple of hours while you have some down time. Also think of clever ways to get him involved with you and the kids. Make bathtime for the kids for instance a fun time with him. Include him in the chores...those done as a family or just the two of you give you time together and with the kids.

I am not married anymore. I thought I would let you know this too. I tried with my ex a lot of times to become more involved with the family but he had his own agenda. He was always great about helping his parents or siblings and I admired that...but I could not do so when he let what our family needs go. We had a porch to our trailer for example that got so bad that only the center portion was really usable. The other parts had finally gave out. It was sheer luck when I was pregnant with my son that we did not loose that part too. It was not until our son was four that he built a new porch. He was lucky I did not fall through the old one when I was pregnant.

Ev - posted on 05/04/2013

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No matter how good a man he is to you and those kids he is being a teenager about it. A real man knows that a baby will cry no matter if sick or not and sometimes will help out. If he chose to go to bed late it is his own fault not yours or the baby's. He needs to grow up and act like a responsible adult and its time for the video games to go up for a while. Does he spend any time with his family when he is home. From the description of his gaming it sounds like he goes straight to that after he gets home. He needs to rethink his life or he is going to find himself in a bit of trouble with you and wonder why.

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Cassandra - posted on 05/06/2013

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LOL @ Julie Dillon...I am so glad that he has an abundance of earplugs already! That is a good idea for sure...he could wear htem more often especially when one of the kidlings is sick. As an update though - he did come forward and apologize. As I explained to another mom, I try not to jump the gun but would rather seek out and share my story in hopes to get some good advice about why things may be happening and if possible, learn a better strategy for dealing with the emotions that come with it. He was really tired, and he did not know why he did what he did, but he knew it was wrong, and he was really very sorry. In just the last few days he has made a better effort, in general, with everything. He's a hardworking man, and I will cut him some slack...but i'm not sure how it would go over well if I hucked his computer (or the PS3 and XBOX) out the window! THank you all for your responses!

Julie - posted on 05/05/2013

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Buy him a pair of ear plugs and tell him if he does stop bitching, complaining, and calling you names, you're gonna take his XBOX away ;)"

Cassandra - posted on 05/04/2013

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Thank you. Chris really does help me out a lot. Sometimes when he is stressed out, he acts like that...and Id on't know why, whether it's a mental issue or what, I don't know. He takes great care of the kids and I, but the last couple of nights it was all about him and his long days. He has a physically demanding job and he had a 14 hour day on thursday. I'm not making excuses for him...I just wanted to tell people how he behaved, and wanted input on that. We do spend a good deal of time together, and I also encourage him to spend time away as well, but he usually doesn't other than playing with his video games where he gets constant interruptions. He usually complains about not being able to sit down for long. Last night though he was able to play for a long time from what I understand...and the fact that he behaved the way that he did, well, thats why I posted this. He's had these strange outbursts where he will just be verbally mean unti he chases me away. What do you think about that? Do you think it's stress?

Cassandra - posted on 05/04/2013

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THanks I thought the same thing! He is very busy and takes great care of the family, but yes, a good portion of the time, he's focused on trying to get that "free time" by sitting at his video games. I encourage him to do the things he wants, and he tries to help, but I think whats happening is he's frustrated he can't sit on his ass for hours at a time without having to get up. Now..I play video games too...and we do do it together, but when we aren't playing together, he is playing and I am usually working around the house. Some days he's real good about it, other days he's real frustrated about it.It's really hard to describe how we try to fit time to ourselves in our busy lives..like some days are easier than others. I appreciate ya'll and your response...I love him very much but I feel the same way.

Angela - posted on 05/04/2013

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Not good. He chose to spend his "alone time" with adolescent pursuits. He gets to bed comparatively late when he needs to be up early for work and then complains about a crying baby. He could have gotten to bed earlier and got some quality sleep.

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