My Husband Brought a Dog Home without Talking to Me First

Tammie Queen Of - posted on 01/16/2014 ( 43 moms have responded )

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This past Saturday my husband went to a pet store and adopted a dog without talking to me first about it. I had worked night shift the night before and was sleeping. He took our two kids with him my 16 year old son and 12 year old daughter. The fact of the matter is my husband and I agreed that we would 1). wait until spring 2). buy an outside dog. 3.) buy a female dog. We had discussed a certain breed. He bought a small, ugly male dog, that is suppose to be kept indoors. This dog is the total opposite of what I wanted. Well I'm not really a dog person and I have never owned a dog. This is the third time my husband has brought home a dog that I was not a part of the process. I cried all last weekend and I'm totally obsessed about the situation but in a negative way. I feel like this represents that my husband doesn't listen to my desires, doesn't care about my wants and is a selfish self-centered person. So every time I look at this dog I feel resentment for my husband. I want to take the dog back, but my children are begging to keep it. So now I feel like I'm going to be the bad guy in this situation if we get give it up. Yet to keep it is going to make me unhappy and I'm at the house more than the rest of the family. What should I do?

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Jess - posted on 03/19/2015

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This is a late post since the same situation just happened to me and I totally understand how you feel. I am not a dog person, and my husband knew it and still brought a dog saying he would take care of her. Now the situation is that he works almost all day and I work too, sometimes I have the benefit of being able to work from home from time to time, but I'm feeling that I'm the only one taking care of a dog that I never wanted, by working more from home. I have a 5 yr old that has bond with the puppy but even though I can show her to take care of a dog, she is still too young for that much responsability. I asked my hubby to trained the dog but he is a big procrastinator and now he will leave for a couple of months due to work and I'm going to be left here trying to train a dog by myslef which I have no clue, while I work, take care of my 5 yr, and the house. I resent my husband for putting me in this situation that I did not agree with, but now I feel stuck with a dog because my daughter likes the dog and I will feel bad that my daughter will resent me if I take the dog back. Very frustrating situation because I feel that I have been forced to do something I didn't wanted to do.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/17/2014

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You should be reported for failure to adhere to contract agreements, and neglect of a sentient being. Do you honestly think that a dog doesn't understand? You are sorely mistaken.

And buying the dog wouldn't have changed your responsibility for keeping him indoors. People like you, who think that they can force inhumane conditions on an animal, simply because they cannot speak make my physically ill. There is no "ideal" setup for leaving a dog outdoors 24/7/365. Period. I don't give a flying leap where you live or how "cushy" you think those arrangements are. YOU SPEND A NIGHT OUT THERE. See how YOU like it. I bet darned good and well that not only will you not "lower yourself" to that level, even if you DID try it, you'd last less than 2 or maybe 3 hours.

The best thing you can do for that poor animal is take him back to the shelter, pay the fine for contract violation, and give him a chance at a forever home who will treat him the way he deserves, rather than dumping him outdoors because he's just a damned dog.

Colin - posted on 12/28/2014

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My wife this did this to me and bought a dog with the kids. I just moved out to an apartment and put the house up for sale.

Amy - posted on 01/16/2014

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Adopting a pet should be a family affair since it's important that all members of the party get along. I'm concerned that you both think it's ok for a dog to be outside ALL the time, that's not being a responsible dog owner since in the summers it's too hot and winter's are too cold, and no one wants to be out in the rain 24/7. I'm also concerned that your family thinks it's ok to adopt and then give back/away. If you adopt it's a life long commitment you don't get to give it back for whatever reasons you want.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/04/2014

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@ Darran: I don't speak 'text'. If you have a question, use proper language to post it and I'll respond. Otherwise, get off your parents' computer and go to school.

43 Comments

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Christi - posted on 02/07/2016

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I agree with Shawnn, except for her rudeness--talk to people like you want to be talked to and have an adult discussion. You aren't a teenager anymore. Grow up and be kind or you'll get nowhere with people, especially if you're trying to sway them in a decision. But no matter what, kindness is maturity.

Christi - posted on 02/07/2016

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Collin Stein, sounds like your wife made the best decision ever 🚪 💥 👋

Christi - posted on 02/07/2016

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If your kids are 16 and 12, it sounds like you've been together a very long time and you got your way far longer than them. Being fair is not one sided. And dogs need interaction and love, not cold winters and hot summers, isolated from their family. Just saying ❤

Darran Elizabeth - posted on 12/02/2014

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damn shawn lively.. r you even married?? why u dissun this girl. apprntly they had a agreement ti do this as a family.maybe he was the selfish one. not everyone is dog people. especially when they get stuck with one they dont want. like i did. its been a year for me too. & am still putting up wuth this dogs crap. he eats my kids toys. etc. i cld go on and on..

Darran Elizabeth - posted on 12/02/2014

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i totally feel u. mine did the same to me llast easter. & i am still not diggin this dog. all he does is chew up my daughters toys. & when she tries to play,he ends up hurting her. i work part time. & hav responsibilites at home. so i hav no time. & am very impatient all if the time. nit sure what to do myself

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/28/2014

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Actually, I have to agree with Leela. For those of you who ARE having all of this damned drama about "my husband doesn't take my feelings or wants/needs into account"...

Perhaps none of you take THEIRS into account either, and that does not a quality relationship build.

Angela, before you jump on Leela, perhaps you should make sure your own house is in order...like perhaps speaking like an adult with your husband about the dog?

I'm glad to see that Queen of Collegedale finally came to her senses and at the very least surrendered the poor animal. Because, seriously, anyone who thinks a "small ugly male dog" belongs outside 24/7/365 simply because it is a canine really isn't a good pet parent anyway, and the dog would have sensed that, and displayed its own animosity towards her, perhaps prompting abuse at some point. At least NOW it can find a forever home that is willing to accept the conditions that come with it.

Ladies, all I have to say is (aside from the drama that was created by some ill-thought out actions) if you can't speak with your spouses and partners and make these decisions jointly, perhaps there ARE deeper issues, as leela is suggesting, and perhaps some overall counseling would be in order.

And finally, Angela Barker, I absolutely love your sense of humour. I've 'stolen' and posted your link. I loved it!

Angela - posted on 01/28/2014

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https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/t1/1010805_10152235125188729_2141888725_n.jpg

Tammie Queen Of - posted on 01/25/2014

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Well ladies the children and I returned the dog to the adoption agency. Even though I initially felt like we had a good arrangement for him here, I didn't want to take the chance of it being a wrong decision. I don't know what kind of life the dog had before us. But if he been use to being inside then he could have been unhappy and we just weren't aware. I appreciate all the input that all of you gave me about the situation. I had grown fond of the dog. But I really wanted in the end what would be best for him.

Angela - posted on 01/23/2014

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No, don't go to counsellor, go online and talk to Leela R and she will tell u a couple of old home truths! She can sort us all out in three magnificent posts! Selfish, self centered and drama queen, and our poor husbands, whose actions are only the consequence of having to live with women that don't listen to them... Leela, we might come across as whatever but with it posts you come across as an eighteen century misogynist preacher...

Leela - posted on 01/22/2014

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Tammie this is my last post on this. Your husband is not considerate of your feelings - what about his? He constantly makes poor decisions? Are they poor just because you don't agree with them? You actually sound like the selfish and self centered one with a strong need for control. Your name says it all. Maybe your husband saw this 'small, ugly male dog' (umm cruel much?) and felt some empathy for an animal without a home. You have issues with him, then go talk to a counsellor. But don't take it out on a defenseless animal that cannot protect himself.

Amy - posted on 01/22/2014

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Its so sad when you fall out of love.im on husband no3.nice weddings just the after life.. how old are you ?if you dnt mind me askin just ish'wil do.ever thouit of spittin up? Starting again? X

Tammie Queen Of - posted on 01/22/2014

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Amy,
Yes this is certainly not the first time my husband as gone behind my back and done something stupid. What gets me it's always when I'm either working or sleeping after working. And I like to work outside the home. But I feel like I can't work full time because my husband makes such poor decisions. So, really my sadness was not just the dog, but a feeling that I don't love or trust my husband as much as I should after all these many years of marriage. It's like this feeling of
"What's next"?!?

Tammie Queen Of - posted on 01/22/2014

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Angela,
This animal adoption agency/shelter makes weekly appearances at one of those mega "pet stores" I believe it was Pet Smart. The pet store allows the agency to come and display their animals for adoption once a week. So really the pet store is out of the loop. They don't even sell dogs. I guess they are hoping that you will adopt and then go inside and buy food etc. for the animal.

Amy - posted on 01/22/2014

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I think its your old man gettin to you .not the dog? Men do stupid things love .is itacause you wernt in control? Tell me?

Angela - posted on 01/22/2014

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Tammie, whilst I agree with the others who've posted on here that it's not the dog's fault and the old days of outside dogs or yard dogs are long gone etc .... I really DO sympathise that your husband acted over your head. I would've been furious.

I like dogs, we have one of our own and I love her dearly. However, she's getting on in years and she won't last forever. She is well-looked after, cherished and loved in this house. But when she goes, I don't want another dog. Veterinary fees are expensive (we have dog insurance but it still has to be paid for!). Our dog is a mongrel (i.e. a "mutt") and therefore not susceptible to the illnesses and conditions associated with certain breeds. But it's still not cheap keeping a dog - boarding kennels or alternative care needs to be arranged when we go on vacation. I might sound selfish but I would rather be sensible BEFORE making such a decision than regretful afterwards.

Dogs are wonderful and deserve the best but you can still love, admire and enjoy dogs without owning one!

What I can't understand is that everyone's saying "take the dog back to the shelter and pay the fine for not adhering to the agreement ...." Yet in your opening post you say "my husband went to a pet store and adopted a dog". So which was it Tammie? Did the dog come from a pet store OR from an animal shelter/refuge?

Tammie Queen Of - posted on 01/22/2014

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I would certainly return it but I two kids in the mix. And they seem very fond of the dog. They come home from school and play outside with it and walk it. I feel like I am always the one to discipiline the kids, instruct the kids etc. So what it comes down to is I hate to disappoint my kids.

Tammie Queen Of - posted on 01/22/2014

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It wasn't Just the dog. But to me it represented the fact that my husband did not care about my feelings!

Leela - posted on 01/21/2014

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I have just realized that some people on this board are truly drama queens. There are mothers with sick children, dealing with broken homes, children who are being bullied ......you get my drift. A dog cannot be the absolutely worst thing that ever happened to you. Get a grip!

Amy - posted on 01/21/2014

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Well at least yov tryed.i brought a big homless dog once my husband went mad .he has cats too .i kept him for a week.it caused so much trouble between us.i took him to the dogs home in the end what i should of done at first .we had a massive row and then we got over it.just take it back get it over with . Hel be upset for a bit. Go away together if u can even if its for a day out .it will be ok. X

Angela - posted on 01/21/2014

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The mother of all drama queens look like my little sister at this point... but still, a few days down the line and the dog is inside the house despite all my suplications... husband sleeping in couch with dog, me with a nervous breakdown and children not interested in dog anyway. We have just completely lost it with this issue, this is hurting our family a lot... and you tammie? Is the dog still outside? I completely feel I can't win with this, I am going to spend a few days with friends next week.

Leela - posted on 01/21/2014

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So I agree hubby should have abided to your agreement. However there has to be a reason he did this. Perhaps he didn't agree with you and you didn't want to listen? What's done is done, and at this point you are acting like a drama queen. You are letting this issue spoil your happiness and if this is the biggest worry you have in your life, then you are more blessed than millions of people.

Amy - posted on 01/18/2014

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Only joking.take the poor dog back . If you dnt want it .its not fair on the dog also the longer you keep it the harder it will be for everyone.id forget getting one again .a dog needs so much time money commitment for 5/10 years? .the kids will get over it.
I just ment try and love it then at least you did try.

Amy - posted on 01/18/2014

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I agree with shawnn lively all the way. Or you could .take yourself to the dog home and leave the family to have a little holliday . Sorry but i love dogs .so much nicer then people.

Angela - posted on 01/18/2014

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Sorry but that comment sounds almost patronising... so now the mother has to be the hero of any family-doggie walk? And try to become popular amongst her husband and children? Please! Dog or not dog should be a joint decision! The dog has been imposed and now... get over yourself and become the dog best friend! I don't think so. More like stand your ground and try to negotiate some rules to avoid further conflict and resentments.

Amy - posted on 01/18/2014

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God poor dog.and kids and daddy.try and get over yourself .keep the dog try and love it if you can find it in you .never know you mite become the hero in all this nice family walks fun times.i must say you seem like a fun mum ? You need to at least try the old man the kids and the dog will love you for it.go on mum you hero give us a nice story with a happy family ending.not a sad one.

Angela - posted on 01/18/2014

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I think if you surrender the dog your children will resent it... they will think "fair enough, daddy didn't tell mummy, but what she did afterwards, leaving us without our poor doggie, ah that was evil" ... at the end of the day you were going to get a dog anyway. I don't really think they will appreciate if you make your husband take the dog back. I think the only option (as I see it now) would be to let them have the dog but outside (in my case in back yard and utility room). For what you say the outside set up for your dog is far better living condition that what the vast majority of human beings in this planet have (i am not joking)... and also going by that argument, what would happen to poor or homeless people? Ah! They should not be allowed dogs coz they do not have a comfy house to keep the dog in... I would go to the dog shelter and suggest to change contract, I think the contract might be like it is for whatever reason but if u explain how the place is they might negotiate.

Amanda - posted on 01/17/2014

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I dont know what you should do. I personally couldnt keep a dog out doors all the time. I need their constant companionship.I also know my dogs are like me and dont like being too hot or too cold, but we love nice weather. As far as the bathroom situation theyre dog door trained. I could only give a dog away if it was aggressive with me or other dogs. My future spouse can have whatever animal they please, but they also have to like dogs both big and small.

Tammie Queen Of - posted on 01/17/2014

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For those who have made statements to me about how would I like it if "I" were outside 24 hours per day. Well I have been on two separate rock climbing trips were I camped for 6 weeks each time in the DEAD of WINTER.. And I've spent a month at a time climbing, hiking, and camping in desert conditions. We live in the Southeast and I feel like there is never any really extreme weather here. If I were a dog and I could chose I would much rather be in the great outdoors experiencing nature than to be stuck in a house with no place to shit but in the middle of the floor.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/17/2014

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Oh, I completely agree that hubby in this case was out of line, but if wife isn't going to abide by the terms of the adoption agreement, then the dog needs to be surrendered.

And I also stand by my challenge (and this is to ANY pet owner) that, if you feel that your pet's outdoor arrangements are adequate to meet their needs when left out 24/7/365, you spend a night out there in inclement weather. If you don't want to be out in it, neither does your dog.

Amy - posted on 01/17/2014

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I have a dog that is indoors the majority of the time and my kids are putting down their computers to play with him too. No dog should be outside 365 days a year 24 hours a day, I don't care how wonderful you think his conditions are I bet you wouldn't last a week outside without coming in. Take the dog back to the shelter you clearly aren't meant to be a pet owner, not everyone is, let the poor dog find a whole family that wants and loves it!

Angela - posted on 01/17/2014

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I think the dog can be very happy outside... when I was a child dogs were always kept outside and they did not seem that sad... dogs inside houses seem a thing of recent years and keeping a dog outside is not an act of cruelty as some people may put it... what it is a real act of cruelty is to get a dog without asking your wife and then make her feel guilty because she wants to keep away from the animal!! Tammie came to this forum for support, not to be told how bad she is because she can't accept a dog that was brought to her house without her even knowing, let alone agreeing... I am going through similar situation here and just reading these posts that seem to be more worried about the dog being inside than about the emotional well-being of A person who has been forced into a situation like this really breaks my heart!! Tammie maybe the contract can be amended given the circumstances?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/17/2014

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Or, if you REALLY think that your arrangements are adequate, how about you tell me what city/town/province you are located in so I can call the local humane society to have them check out the dog's living conditions.

Yes, its a DOG. Would you want to be treated the way you are treating the defenseless animal? I think not, but you don't understand that, because you are of the type of person that 'humans are the top of the food chain, and I don't have to care how I treat any other animal' Sorely mistaken, my dear, sorely mistaken.

Take the dog back. Pay your consequences. Don't sentence this animal to a lifetime of brutal weather conditions and neglect because you think that it's OK, because its JUST A DOG. Wrong attitude.

Why do you think the shelter GAVE you those stipulations in the first place? If you cannot adhere to the contract stipulations (that your husband agreed to adhere to, BTW), take the dog back. You are NOT a pet person, and you should NOT be allowed to own ANY. Well, a pet rock maybe. Those are USED to being outside 24/7/365.

Kayla - posted on 01/17/2014

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On that note, I don't think it's fair that your husband brought home a dog with out talking to you first. But the fact of the matter is, that you have that dog now, and you have to deal with it, by either taking proper care of it (the whole family helps of course). Or take it back to the shelter and give that dog a chance at a forever home.

Kayla - posted on 01/17/2014

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I agree with Shawn. You should take the dog back to the shelter if you are forcing him to be outside every day all day long. Some people aren't pet people, and that little dog deserves a better home than you are providing. It doesn't matter that he has all that stuff you mentioned in his dog house. He is still outside all alone for a big majority of the time. Obviously the contract stated he be kept indoors for a reason! Even people that have big outdoor dogs on an acreage bring them in to sleep at night, or when the weather is extreme.

Tammie Queen Of - posted on 01/16/2014

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Well the dog has a good set up for an outdoor dog. We have a large fenced in back yard. The dog house is situated on our back porch which is sheltered from the weather on 3 sides. And the dog has a nice igloo dog house equipped with a heating pad. The dog has dog toys (which by the way get strolled all over the yard daily). The igloo dog house has a heating pad in it with blanket and a sleeping bag. I bet there are homeless people in America that don't have it as good as this dog. Oh and did I mention he has clothes also ! So I'm sorry I can't I don't feel guilty about the dog being outside. I just wish my husband had bought the dog instead of "Adopting". My husband signed this contract that he didn't even read that says the dog has to be kept inside, and that this adoption agency can make 'home visits' to make sure that he is being treated exactly as stated in this contract or he will be removed from our home. It's a DOG people...it's an animal! My kids are very attached now so I've come to terms with doggie. But I simply refuse to allow him in the house. I have a cat already in the house...and housework is difficult enough without adding a dog in the mix. I guess I just come from a different generation and mind-set. When I was a kid people kept their dogs outside. And Charlie Brown and Lucy and the gang played with Snoopy outside. We are outdoor people we hike and are outdoors all the time. My kids are actually putting their lap tops and computers down and going out doors to feed, walk and visit with the dog. This way seems more healthy to me. Maybe we should go back to a time when things were simpler. Kids played with their dogs outside. And moms were able to keep a cleaner house.

Angela - posted on 01/16/2014

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I know how you feel, I am going through exactly the same, I feel my husband has let me down big time by buying a dog without telling me! He has been putting pressure on me for months, putting the children against me and even my mother and father in law tried to sweet-talk me into having a dog... It has been four months of daily pressure... I feel very uneasy around animals to the point that I don't recall having touched a dog in my whole life (yes, it is that bad). I am really hurt he has gone ahead knowing I was not ready for it. He is supposed to bring the dog home tonight but we had a discussion before he left and he hasn't returned yet... only solution I can think of would be to leave them here with dog and take a break at this point to try and accept what has happened and make the best decision for my three children.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/16/2014

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Well, I agree, you are not cut out to be a dog owner. NO dog is a fully "outdoor" dog, nor should they be forced to be. Do YOU want to spend 24/7/365 outdoors with less than adequate shelter, food once a day, and water whenever your irresponsible owner wants to remember that they are supposed to be caring for you? I seriously doubt it.

And, I agree that, if your husband agreed to the conditions stated (well, first, he shouldn't be a dog owner either, if he initially agreed to the outdoor clause), he shouldn't have made the arbitrary decision to bring home a pup.

But, the reality of the situation is that the dog is there, and your husband and kids have a bond with it. Make them care for it, you leave it alone. Make sure that they take care of training, and feeding, and poop patrol, etc. The MOST you'd ever have to do is let him out/in once in awhile.

So, the adult solution would be a family meeting, with a vote by ALL, including the kids, regarding the situation with the dog. If 3/4 of the family wants to keep him, and can honestly commit to being GOOD dog parents, then I'd let him stay. But if they don't then that dog deserves better than what you'll give him.

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