My husband constantly throws jabs at me

Priscilla - posted on 06/13/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am a ftm, my baby was born just 2 1/2 weeks ago. Prior to mommy life, it was just my husband and I. My husband is a great man, provider and generally supportive. Due to his work schedule, he has more flexibility during the work days than I do, as I work a traditional 9-5 job, but am away from home from 6:30 am- 7pm due to commuting. Because of this, he takes on the majority of the household chores, like cooking and cleaning. On the weekends, I do the most that I can with my free time around the house, but whenever we argue, the fact that he cooks and cleans more than I do is always used against me , even if the argument has nothing to do with household chores, he finds a way to throw it in the mix. He's clearly bitter about it, but what can I do? He hates eating late and by the time I get home and finish cooking, it's too late. And I've made it clear that I'm not getting home at 7 at night to start sweeping and mopping, that it is something that would have to wait till the weekends.
Now that we have our little boy, we are hot and cold with each other. We are both home on parental leave, but I spend the bulk of the time with our son since he is ebf. In addition, my son won't sleep at night unless he's on my chest. We try every night to get him to sleep in his mini crib, but he'll just cry cry cry until we pick him up. I "sleep" on the couch now because I'm afraid of having him in our bed. If I finally close my eyes, the most sleep I'll get is about 3 hours. My husband and I rotate making breakfast and then he goes to the gym for three hours (routine he had before baby was born, before we even got together). Once he's back at home, he wants to hold, kiss and be all about the baby, but gets frustrated when he cries, which is often. We've been doing takeout for dinner, as it's just easier with the baby. I hardly have any energy left and if he senses that I'm frustrated, he doesn't help in making me feel better, but rather catches an attitude with me and throws in my face how he cooks and cleans (even though I'm home all the time now and have divided responsibilities) and how I'm not being organized with the baby's stuff... Mind you, most of his things are in his room but I'm practically living downstairs with him on the couch, so of course his stuff is scattered. I also can't make any suggestions to him about the baby, he takes it personal as if I'm telling him what you do. I'm trying to stay calm but I'm losing my patience and I don't think it's fair that I'm being judged on things I'm not doing around the house when I had a hard pregnancy, have a fussy baby, hardly sleep and barely have time to pee, while he's able to set aside hours just to get his daily workouts in & is happy only when baby is not crying. I'm very frustrated and I can totally understand why ppl get divorced after they have kids, because why would anyone want to be put down all the time when you're doing the best you can? Any advice on how to handle ?

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Mamabear32018 - posted on 06/14/2016

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Having a baby definitely changes things. It can take some time to adjust. Have you talked to your husband about how you feel?

Michelle - posted on 06/13/2016

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Having a baby is a big adjustment and it does take time to find your roles. It's also very hard when baby keeps crying.
Have you tried swaddling your baby when he is sleeping? Even putting a t-shirt of your on the crib can help as he then smells you.
You need to find the balance and get your baby sleeping in the crib.
I also suggest sitting down with your husband and telling him how you feel. Talk to each other calmly and try to come up with solutions. Don't accuse him, just explain how you are feeling.

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