My husband gets mad when I ask him for help.

Jaina - posted on 11/30/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am 6 months pregnent. I was working two jobs (42-52hrs total) untill I found out I was pregnent. I quit one becase it was an overnight stocking job and I was worried about the heavy lifting while pregnent. My husband had been working 28 hours or less a week (averaging about 10-20hrs) untill I quit and he got a different job (he worked both for about a month up to 70 hrs/week). Now I work 10-20 hrs a week and he works 40 (sometimes up to 56). The way I see it we switched. I am now working about the amount he was, and he the amount I was. I try to keep the house clean, but I will admit I am not the best at it. All I expect him to do around the house are the things I can not do myself becase of being pregnent. Clean the litter box, take out the trash, mow the yard, clean up after the puppy if he had an acident while he was watching him and forgot to let him out, and I have asked him to wash the dishes in the past when the old food he does not scrape off of them before putting them in the sink makes me nausious and throw up. I also expect him to put his dirty dishes in the sink when he is done with them. Becase he works overnights and sleeps in the day we have very little time together. I feel very alone by myself all day (I work from home for about half of my work hours). I spend all day and all night counting down to when I can see him again and have an hour or two of interaction with another human, but he is so tired and stressed all he wants to do is play video games or watch movies. If I ask him to spend time with me away from the TV or dare to ask him to leave the house or to do any of the things that need done I can't do he get mad and yells at me. It turns into a fight that will last at least an hour or more. He never used to be this way. It keeps getting worse and I am worried what it will eventually turn into, especially with the baby coming in only 3 months. If I acidently wake him up he is so mad and cranky he is screams at me. Last week I was watching his brothers 2.5yr old daughter. When I tried to put her down for a nap she screemed and cried and woke him up. He yelled at me and said I should have just let her stay up if she did not want to take a nap so that she would not wake him. Then he took her and put her to bed and has not stopped bragging about it since. The next time I acidently woke him up he yelled at me, said I ruined his life, and listed all the things he blames me for. I did not fight back becase I knew he was cranky and there was no calming him down. When I tried to leave to let him calm down he followed me or held the door shut so I was trapped and could not leave. I finally was able to lock myself in the bathroom and he somehow unlocked the door and got in to continue screeming at me. He never forgets anything I do wrong and constently reminds me of them bringing them up in every fight. He never used to be this way. It has only been since I got pregnent. I know I am not perfect and I am partially to blame, I am pregnent and the hormones have made me more irratable and demanding, but I just want the fighting to stop. I don't want to raise our daughter in this environment. I have tried to listen to his complaints about me and doing what he asks, changing what he asks me to. I stopped waking him up after 8hrs of sleeping or trying to get him to go to bed at a certain time. I have been doing much much better at keeping the house clean and cleaning up after him. The only thing left I can think of to do is stop asking him for help and just clean the litter box and take out the trash myself. To make things worse with me not working as much and him at his new job we don't make enough to pay all the bills, but still make too much for government assistence. His mom has been buying us food and paying for his cell phone and my dad has been paying my student loans. We don't spend any money on anything but the absolute nessesities and save money anyway we can think of. I had to roll pennies just to get enough to wash laundry. It is so humiliating. We both have college degrees but can't find work except minnimum wage jobs where you don't even need a high school diploma. I feel so guilty for quitting my second job and putting us in this situation. I feel so alone. He does not want to spend time with me except to watch tv/me watch him play video games. I tried to talk to him about how I feel but he just ignores me..I would try and spend time with other people so that I would not feel so alone and such a need to ask him for attention but all my friends and family live at least an hour or more away and he wont let me go visit them because of the gass money. I have not visited my family in at least 6 months and skip holidays with them so that he won't be alone. For Thanksgiving I worked for 4 days 12hr or more a day to get ready cleaning and cooking. When I asked him to set the table he did but threw a fit about it. We sat down to eat and 15 min later he went to bed. I spent most of the day alone cooking the meal and then cleaning up after it. About a month ago I volunteered for a weekend trip for work without asking him first. It was about 2-3 hrs away near where one of my college friends live and i stayed with her instead of a hotel so I could visit with her. It was only the second time in the 3.5yrs we have been married that I have seen any of my friends and the first time in about a year and a half. He is still mad at me for it and complains about how much money I spent (about $100 in food, gas and second hand baby supples) even though my work paid for most of the gass and tolls. I don't know what to do. I am willing to do anything to fix this situation if I just knew what it was. All I want is a good relationship with him where we can go a day or two without fighting. Leaving him is not an option. I don't believe in divorse. I promissed to stay with him for life and I wont break a promise. Please help! I don't know what else to do. Sorry for going on so long about this. Thankyou for listening. I have no one else to talk to.

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Jaina - posted on 11/30/2013

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He does try and will go do things with me about once a week, but he is so cranky and resentful of me making him go that the entire trip/activity is miserable and I wish I never asked in the first place. He does help around the house with some cleaning with out me asking once or twice a week but chooses things I could do on my own and neglects the things I can't do. He tells me he loves me, and will show me affection with a kiss or hug. I love him so much. We also both have depression and I have been off my medication becase of the baby wich only adds to my pregnency indused insanity.

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