My husband has been secrectly doing cocaine.....

Tara - posted on 12/30/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have recently discovered that my husband has been doing cocaine for over a year now. I am absolutely sick about it. We have been married for 9 years and have 3 children and have a sucessful life together. I found the 'drug stuff' about a month ago. He swore he was done with it. I even had him order drug kits so i could test him when i chose. So the other day i suspected again and asked him to do a test. He went into the bathroom alone and i got suspicious. Turns out he had saved a urine sample from a time previous when he was clean and he was trying to use that sample. He eventually gave a urine sample and it was positive. The level of deceit is sickening to me. I feel like i don't even know him. I am just freaking out because i'm a stay at home mom and the thought of a divorce is giving me a incredible sense of worry and fear. I have told no one. I am so ashamed and i am worried if anyone finds out we will have no friends. It's seems different to say my husband is an alcoholic - easier to accept. I just really needed to tell someone and get it out of my head. He says he will go to his doctor and drug rehab next week. We'll see. Has anyone ever gone through this? I can't believe how scary this is. I feel like my life is falling apart - and i'm worried for my sweet little kids.

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Tara - posted on 01/02/2013

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Thank you Ariana - I guess it is important for me to be supportive right now - but I feel so angry. He is signed up for classes to deal with this - we'll see how that goes. Thank you for your comments and concerns - really helps to talk about it. Thanks xo

Ariana - posted on 12/30/2012

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I would get yourself a councellor and possibly a family councellor. I would also tell him that you are here to love and support him, and you want him to get better, but if he comes back from rehab (or ends up not going) and does not get clean you WILL leave with those children. I would start making plans in the case of this. Drugs are extremely difficult to kick and although he's been able to hide it this far eventually it will start effecting him all the time, you don't want your children to end up somehow exposed to him like that.

You need to figure out if there's a place for you to go or a job that you can get. I mean don't think for sure he's going to fail, it's quite possible he'll go to rehab and get out of this, but right now he is addicted to this, it's not as easy as saying 'just quit' even if he really wants to, it changes his brain functioning. You must be ready in case this goes sour.

Definitely try to get some councelling for yourself and for him. He should find some Narcotics Anonymous (or whatever is available in your area) for him to go to for support. There are usually resources for families with people with drug problems, a support group like that could help you figure out what needs to be done for YOUR health and will be able to understand what you're going through.

It's very difficult to deal with I'm sure, and it's understandable you feel like everythings falling apart. I hope he can get himself clean for the sake of you, the kids and for himself also.

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