my husband has really hurt my feelings.

Pramila - posted on 10/13/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I don't know where to start really.. as so much has happened since the birth of my 5 month old son. My mother came to take care of me and the baby after the birth as I had a C section.. his mother was on holiday! The constanr fights started a few days in when I found my mother to everything around the house. My husband was on paternity leave for an extended 4 weeks so I didn't see why he couldn't help her (she is a very poorly woman who suffers from chronic back pains) he would instead spend most of the day playing videos games and going to the gym! Things got very bad when I asked him to change the our bed with the guest bed as our bed would squeak a lot making it impossible for me to put our son in his crib as everytime I did the bed would squeak causing his to wake up!! He threw a big fit about changing it and I admit I lost my temper and told him he was useless.. his reponse was get the f***out of the house then! And so I did. I went to stay with my parents for a few weeks.. the day I was to leave my husband had a massive fit about me having a 10 minute shower saying I was taking to long and I needed to take our son as he was crying. He kicked the door down in the middle of my shower. With our son still in his arms! We had a massive row where I told him he was a irresponsible father!
I had a routine check up from a health visitor who after evaluating my eating and sleeping routines etc told me I was indeed depressed. When I told my husband his response was you're being a drama queen and saying this to get attention.. he said things like lots of women have kids and they're fine! I couldn't believe someone I have been with for 5 years was saying this!
The more I ignored him and spent time with my family I felt happier and happier.. but sadly I still missed my husband... he begged me to return home and he promised to help out more with the baby and cook me dinner as I was adviced by my doctors like every c section patient not to do any work until 6 weeks had passed. But the dat I got home. He packed his gym bag and said right cook dinner and i'll be back by 10pm. I cooked dinner with one hand that day I was trying to settle our son with the other. Things seemed to get a bit easier after my mother in law came back from holiday as she looks after him with me.. but I still dont recieve any help from him. The odd nappy change here and there. 5 minutes a day he spends with his dad. His mother doesn't feed him, clean him or change him. She just holds him! A chair could hold him!! I just feel like all the hard stuff I have to do. Our son sleeps through the night but he takes 5 min naps during the day so I literally dont get tome to breath! My husband works 6 days a week and then gyms 6 days a week too.. but I find that thats his time off! He still has atleast 2/3 outtings a month! Whereas I get nil!! Even if I say please take our son and our dog for a walk (baby will fall asleep in the buggy) he refuses!! When we go to town. Hes always gor the buggy and when we bump into friends he's always looking like the perfect dad! It makes me really angry as he's not!
Anyway... so today we had this very big row about him going to clubbing as I felt he should be home with us helping... he really broke my heart today as he screamed all sorts at me. He said I didn't even have a virginal delivery so k had it easy. I have it so easy apperently as there are less privileged out there. I carried our son for total of 39weeks and 4 days! My feet swelled, my back cramped all day, I had pre contractions, I had an ecv as he was breech, the injections, the pain of a c section... the not being able to walk, talk, laugh, cough or even sleep comfortably because I was cut open to get our son out and he just cold heartedly told me I havent done anything! I'm just so hurt by my husband of nearly a years words... sorry for the massive essay.. I just dont have anyone to talk to
Xxxxxx

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Pramila - posted on 10/13/2013

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@miracle We have tried the talking and we have tried the calm chats... my husband is such a different person if I am in a good mood.. but if I turn foul because of stress he gets 10x worse. I find myself backing down because I don't need that extra headache!
When we're having a good day we will do all the things a loving couple does but as soon as I get upset and question his commitment to our son he goes mental!!
X

Miracle - posted on 10/13/2013

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I'm sorry this is happening to u! I don't know how u feel about prayer, but it always helps me. We can't control what other people say & do to us, but we can demand respect and not continue to put up with it, u don't want your child growing up & witnessing that kind of behavior, also talk to your husband & let him know what u will and will not tolerate. We allow people to treat us a certain way good luck

6 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 10/19/2013

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I think you already know what you need to do with this line:
"The more I ignored him and spent time with my family I felt happier and happier."
That screams that you would be a lot happier without the abuse (as everyone is).
Yes he is abusing you and you don't have to stand for it. All you are teaching your son is that it's okay to treat women like crap. You don't want your son to treat women like that when he's older do you?

Pramila - posted on 10/13/2013

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@llarabi yes I will be taking a month or more away from this nuisance until he realises who is right and wrong and what he needs to do as a father. The situation has been a bit calmer for a the past few months but I feel like its only because I have chosen to just not even bother asking for any help.. so I just cracked today.
Thank you x

Llarabi - posted on 10/13/2013

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I think you guys should divorce eachother( sorry to put it like that) or leave eachother for a while til he can be a man and tell you whats going on, however i took my time to read this andni think that violance in the house is not good for you child, because as the kid keeps growing up he is going to be thinking that being violant is good, but is not. However i think you should try to show him that you can be without him because he thinks that you love him to much that you begging him to come or what ever than he is going to take advantage of how much you love him and keep playing with the family. And is also bad for the child to see these in the family.

Option 2


Try talking to your husband about what you guys dont like and how you guys can fix the situation and try not to scream at eachother and get to the level where you guys are saying things to eachother, because without communication their is no trust in the family nor the marriage.


Hope i helped you or made you realize something. :) good luck

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