My husband hasnt seen his son in over 5 yeas...went to court today....

Kandis - posted on 09/26/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My husband hasnt seen his son in 5 years, because he couldnt find his ex, had no phone number, no way of reaching her etc. Well for the last year we have been paying a lawyer to work his case, and were finally able to find her, and serve her with papers for order to show cause. Well the court day was today, and she didnt fight for him to not see his son, she says we will set up dates and times to see him. Over this 5 years my husband has not paid the childsupport (basically because she hadnt asked for it) and now, she says if you let the step father adopt him we wont go for ANY of the back child support, but if you dont let him adopt we will go for all of the back owed childsupport. My husband is so confused, because he loves his son, and wants to see his son again, he hates that its been so long, but he wants his son to know his other siblings. (we have one son together and i have 2 kids from my previous marriage) So he is totally confused on what to do. He wants to see his son, and be a part of his life, but at the same time, we can afford all the back owed childsupport. We live pay check to pay check. I told him we will work it out, cut out certain expenses where we can, and try to get any extra income we can. ....Any advise form anyone that has been threw something similar???

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/26/2012

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Was there a support order in place, but he didn't pay? Saying that he didn't pay because she didn't ask for it is slightly vague.



If she gets court ordered support, then he has to pay! And, if he loves his son as much as you say, then it should never have been a question.



My hubby loved his daughter too. We never got to see her, never got to have joint custody, nor visitation rights, but he still paid child support. We even went to court for the last part of it, because he became disabled and couldn't work, so we went and requested that the final payment (for the last few years that he wouldn't be able to work) be figured out as a lump sum, so that we could pay it off.



Yes, we have 2 other kids of our own, and yes, it was tight, but we did it. Pay the court ordered support. If he really wants to see his son and loves him that much, it shouldn't even be a question. It should have also been an expense that you both figured in from the beginning.

Gwen - posted on 09/26/2012

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I am also confused about why he wasn't paying his child support and how he lost track of his ex. Obviously, if there was a child support order in place, CSEA knew where the ex and child were living....A phone number isn't the only way of reaching someone.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/27/2012

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I'm thinking there's something strange here...



So, I'm going to say this. If there was no court ordered support in place, then the ex will need to go to court to either get support orders in place, or get the petition to sign over rights.



If hubby doesn't want to sign over rights, he needs to be prepared to pay support, and if an order goes into effect, he needs to adhere to it.

Dove - posted on 09/27/2012

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They can't take back child support if there was no court order FOR support.... child support starts when the court order is in effect... no matter how much time was in between the separation and the start of the support order.



So.... either there was a support order (and CSEA had contact info for the ex) and he wasn't paying it.... or there was no support order and there shouldn't be any back support.... or.... What other option is there that I'm not getting?

Gwen - posted on 09/27/2012

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The more I read this, the more it sounds like HE was the one who was hiding....

If he owes 5 years of back support, that means he either 1) wasn't working, or 2) wasn't reporting his whereabouts to the child support enforcement agency.



If he held down a job and/or reported changes of employment to CSEA, this would have never been an issue.



In my opinion, he either needs to take responsibility, pay up and man up, or terminate his parental rights and let the person, who has obviously shown this child what a real father is, go through with the adoption.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/27/2012

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Gwen is right. Unless there was an order restricting contact, your husband could have gotten contact information through the child support agency.



This sounds harsh, believe me, but it sounds like he dropped the ball. The first time he couldn't contact the ex, he didn't pay, and since she didn't push it with the agency, he thought he'd be out of having to pay. Now that he wants contact, she wants those back payments, which she does have a right to, even though he hasn't seen the boy.



I may not have agreed with paying for a child that we couldn't contact, but it was a court order, so we did what we needed to do.

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