my husband is an addict and I dont have no one to talk to

Shawnna - posted on 12/02/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I am so hurt and confused...How can my Husband not love me enough to stay sober..why cant I be enough and fix him...

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Shawnna - posted on 12/03/2012

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I want to thank yall for your comments and info...He signed himself into rehab today and I was happy, sad and so hurt all at one time...Walking to the car I felt like I was leaving my kid in the hospital sick and hurt...It just felt so hard and confussing....I want him to get the help he needs but at the same time I want to be the one to fix him...makes me smile now because I know that is my battle....to always control and fix...we will know what treatment the Dr wants him to do tomorrow...and what we both have to work on to keep him going inthe right direction...The Bible is number one andclass too. Please keep us in your prayers

Amy - posted on 12/03/2012

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I'm sorry you are going through this, unfortunately you can't make him go to rehab and he has to be the one that decides he wants the help. Most addicts won't get help till they hit bottom for some it may be enough for you to leave with the kids, being arrested, or the ultimate death, sorry but most addicts can only think of one thing and it's how they are going to get their next fix. Even if an addict seeks help they will always have an addiction, therapy teaches them to make smarter choices, but the craving is always there, so it's very easy to relapse and start the spiral all over again. There are support groups for families so you can go and listen to other peoples stories I'm sure you will find they are very similar to your own. There are also hotlines you can talk to so you can find resources for yourself and him if he chooses sobriety.

Kathleen - posted on 12/02/2012

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That's great! Glad to be of some help. You're on the road to recovery! You're awesome...

Bless you too, hon. X

Shawnna - posted on 12/02/2012

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I want to thank you...I have contacted my insurance and have two places for him to pick from to go get accest tomorrow morning...It could be as much as 30 day in patient to out patient 3 days a week therapy...I am also going tocheck into a therapist for myself..It wont hurt and can only help..Have a blessed night

Kathleen - posted on 12/02/2012

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Honey, the first thing I want to say to you is your husband's addiction would have nothing to do with you. Addictions have deep rooted problems that can go back as far as childhood. The problem is if it's not dealt with, it carries on into their adulthood and every little stress the person comes across in life ends up adding to the depression that they try to numb with their addiction.

The best thing you can do, is LOVE him UNCONDITIONALLY. You can't fix him, that's the reality and I know it sucks.



He has to fix himself. He's the only one that can. It's got nothing to do with you not being enough, because you are... however, chances are he is so far in with his addiction or depression that he just doesn't know how to fix himself. He may even deny that he has a problem.



You should definitely seek professional help on how you can deal with this. If you feel yourself slipping into depression, you need to talk to someone about this for yourself. You need to keep yourself emotionally, mentally and physically healthy if you are going to have any chance of helping your husband when he starts to recover. The best way to do this is to talk about it. Not to just anyone, but someone who will give you the best practical advice and not beat around the bush with sympathy or dead end responses. And I would also suggest it be someone who is not involved in your life as a biased friend. Although they mean well, they will generally try to side with you and try to tell you things like, "You're better than him." "Just leave him." You don't need sympathy, you need someone to help you.a professional would be your best bet. And dont think getting professional help for yourself is silly or stupid because your not the one who needs "help". We all need to keep our emotional and mental state in good health, so cleaning out all the rubbish that bulids up inside, is an absolute must.



Do you journal your thoughts? That could be a good start to your emotional healing. Just get it all out of your mind where it's hidden.



I hope none of this offended you. I had nothing but the best intentions in this comment. I have seen too many women being given the wrong advice by other women and cos the listened, they lost in their attempts to save their marriages and themselves. They ended up blaming themselves and going off the rails. I don't want that for you, so sympathy is not what I wanted to give you. You don't deserve to go through any of this, but your self esteem and self worth should suffer no longer. Your husband will get there if you are willing to go the journey for you both. Xx

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