my husband is concerned about our sons development...need advice

Michelle - posted on 02/08/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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We have a son who's turning 10 months in 3 days. He's been crawling since he was 5months and started standing up using his toys and furnitures at 8months, and now actually walking along furnitures at 9 months,

My husband concerns ....

1) that our son doesnt know his name,

when we call his name, he sometimes respond and sometimes ignores it. like nobodys talking to him at all.

2) He doesnt make eye contact often.

3) He doesnt always eat for my husband, but does eat for me

4) He says dada but doesnt look at his father, and my husband think that he should look at him and knows that he is dada, He doesnt say mama often... but whens he playing with his toys, he speaks dada, mama, baba,tata...

5) Our son should know how to pass balls... well he does but not perfect, and somtimes he ended up releasing the ball backward. Im fine with it cos hes still 10months old and he will learn as time goes.

6) When its changing to pjs after bath time, our son like to play on bed, and my husband had a hard time putting diaper on him cos he just too wiggly, and again my husband things that our son should listen to him when he said "stop moving" so he can put the diapers on.

7) He doesnt hold his bottle, and his hands always moving while being fed unless hes really tired.



and list goes on and on...



My husband reads about all this stuff that the kid should be doing at certain age. Now, I told him that those are just guidelines of the potential things that your (generally speaking) kids can do. It doesnt mean that your kid should be doing everything, the article or books says. Every kid develop on their own unique way. And that he should be concern if our kids is like 18 months and doesnt crawl, walk, and talks.

He said, hes just concerned about the development because of all the stuff he reads... and this issue has been going on and on for like a month now. and he mentions it every time he gets home from work.... and it frustrates me . He makes me feel like im not doing everything while im at home with baby. And so i told him that if he thinks he can do a better job than i do staying at home looking after our son, that i will go back to work and he stays at home.

Its really wearing me out, he cant comfort our son when hes crying, he doesnt always eat for him, he does less for our son... besides playing with him on the weekends and an hour or two at night during weekdays, and he expects too much of him.



should we be concerned with his development, i personally think that our son is developing well, its just my husband wants him to be more advance and for our son to do more than what hes doing now?

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Amy - posted on 02/08/2012

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Have your husband come to your sons next checkup and have the pediatrician address all of his concerns. The only thing that I would be slightly concerned about is him not knowing his name. Could he possibly have a hearing problem, if you stand behind him and clap does he turn to look and see where the noise is coming from?

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Tinker1987 - posted on 02/08/2012

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I suggest having your husband attend the next Peditrition appoitment,he may be more relaxed if he is getting questions answered by a proffesional,as for being concerned the baby doesnt listen when getting a diaper on WOW, its a fight everytime i change my 14 months old alot of kids hate being changed,and getting dressed i wouldnt pin point that as a issue! and as others mentioned,i would maybe get his ears checked out,i would think he would have a response when his name is called.

Tara - posted on 02/08/2012

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Honestly, unless your pediatrician is concerned with your son's development I wouldn't worry.



I always looked at the "milestones" as a guideline. Some babies hit them "right on time" and some don't. For example, neither of my girls crawled. They went from pulling themselves up and furniture-walking straight to walking - the only crawling they did was a kind of 3-point (hands and one knee) crab walk for about a month, then right into walking.



My oldest girl is really advanced with her language skills and has been for some time, but my youngest is on the average side for the language development.



Unless there is a medical concern the guidelines are just that, guidelines and stressing over them does no one any good.



I think that part of the reason your son does not acknowledge his dad as much is because you are the primary caregiver and this is entirely normal. Both my girls did this and once their dad was able to spend a bit more time with them they really started acknowledging him much more.



Have you let your husband know that his constant harping on the subject is making you feel like you feel bad? I would let him know how you feel. If he still harps on it, take your son in to see your doc and let your doc tell him your son is fine. You could also point out that if he (your husband) pushes your son to advance he could actually keep your son from meeting certain milestones because he would be forcing him to try things that he (your son) is not physically/mentally/emotionally mature enough to learn.

Kimberly - posted on 02/08/2012

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Your son is doing fine from what you are saying, at the end of the day he is only ten months. Yes most parent all want there kids to do well and be advanced but thats not always the way. My daughter is 27months and she knows her name very well and yet will still ignore us like were not talking. All kids wiggly when get changed and it would be ideal if the understood 'stop moving' but they dont not at that age. He really needs to stop reading and comparing stuff from book to your son its only going to make him miss out on the enjoyment of him being little. I'm in a mothers group and there are two other little girls the same age as my daughter, they both talked very well WAY before my daughter but my daughter could always climb and be more game to try new things. She has now caught up with the talking but it did teach me not to compare to other kids. Your son sounds like he is doing well and hitting his milestones so just enjoy him while he is little at the end of the day they all get there. Those books and stuff are only guide lines and are very broad good luck with it all

Kay - posted on 02/08/2012

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Have you talked to your pediatrician about these things?



We always say milestones are guidelines--and they are. But isn't the point of guidelines to signal that something might be amiss? I really can't tell you what is normal and what is not, but your doctor can.



On the flip side, I would not necessarily downplay your husband's concerns to him. I would not like my fiancé doing that to me. Sometimes, I think we can forget that we are partners in child rearing, and that our partners have opinions and thoughts on things too.



Good luck! :)

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Tell your husband to quit reading so much and just enjoy his son! If either of you have any concerns about your son and his development... talk to the doctor. I'm not sure about the eye contact thing (my youngest is almost 4), but otherwise your son sounds 100% NORMAL.

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