My husband is critical, demanding and well, mean...

Kelley - posted on 08/20/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I don't get it - I work full time, have 3 boys ages 13, 11, and 9. I keep the house clean, do all the laundry, cook all the meals, etc. My husband is constantly critical of how I clean, fusses if the house gets a little messy and doesn't lift a finger. We've already been separated for 6 months and just recently got back together. I was unhappy and couldn't take it anymore. He promised to change, cried, etc. Now it feels like a bunch of bull sh*& just to get me back. He is back to his same domineering, critical mean ways again. He acts like a drill sergeant, yet can be so sweet and communicative and loving with me and the kids as well. Its so confusing - honestly the best way I can describe it is like there are 2 people inside of him. He is going to anger management (court ordered) now. Has only been to 2 sessions, but since its court ordered I feel like he doesn't think he even needs it…I'm frustrated and feel like, why in the world did I get back with him….The kids are happy and seem more grounded and at peace, so that makes me feel like it was worth it. We have started all going to church, so maybe things will improve with time and prayer. Does anyone else deal with this? I hate to sound like "misery loves company", but I also feel it is good to have good supportive women to share and relate with. Thank you all in advance.

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Kristi - posted on 10/29/2015

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Hi Kelley,
Yes, I do understand those feelings. I have yet to go though. My husband is not very nice to me, infact, he's down right mean constantly. It is a daily issue. Infact, almost everytime I ask him a question or need help with something, his response each and every time is that he's irritated by me asking anything of him. I do not feel safe, emotionally with him. It is down right embarrassing the way he talks to some people and I am so hesitant to have anyone over to our home. The bad thing is, is that he honestly treats me like a dog most of the times. We haven't had sex or any type of touching in 8 years, (He has no libido) he hardly kisses me, puts his arms around me, hugs me and just holds me and just to sit and be with me. He goes off to his room in the back most of the time. Im going to school right now and I have to finish it up, get my degree and then possibly go. Unless one of my parents passes away, then I am moving on. Weve know each other for the past 15.5 yrs and married 12.5 years. Just because he doesn't like himself because of his smoking cigs, chewing tabacco, doesn't give him the right at all to treat me this way. Just down right mean. So, you are not alone.

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Lisa - posted on 06/13/2015

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Stand up for yourself. Do not let him talk this way to you especially in front of kids.
The kids will learn this behavior in a few years and then it will be very hard.

Just let him know in an adult one on one conversation or in therapy...therapy would be a great idea. It could be a mood disorder and that is why therapy may help.

Good Luck and I'm here

Kelley - posted on 08/20/2014

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Yes, he grew up with a very abusive alcoholic father, and a mother who "allowed" it to continue. I know it probably stems from that and that is why I have chosen to be patient with him and try to work this out. I am hoping that he continues to seek help for his anger issues and that he benefits from the counseling in the long run. Thank you for your encouraging response. =)

Lea - posted on 08/20/2014

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I have been with violent men in my life, most of them had anger issues. I can understand that you a re very upset and feel like the fool, I have been there too. I have taken back a man that has not been nice, is rude, OCD about the house being clean and other anger issues. We had a long talk about what he could do to stop being so hateful and we discovered that he had deep anger issues towards his mother which mad him meaner to women in general. Maybe it will take a break through with your husband, does he have childhood anger or issues that have not be resolved in his past?

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