My Husband Is Hard to Deal With

J - posted on 03/17/2014 ( 98 moms have responded )

17

0

0

He basically nags at me about everything. He claims the kids ( our 5) take up too much of my time. I try my best to be a good wife. I cut back on working and focus pn the kids and him. Its been difficult though. I feel twp steps forward three back. We have gone from happy to fighting all the time because our kids. I don't know what to do anymore. He doesn't want to divorce yet he is miserable.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Angelia - posted on 03/18/2014

11

10

0

Knowing as I do that most working mothers not only work, but do the majority of the housework and childcare, forgive me if I sympathize more with you than with him. How about you get everyone to pitch in with the housework? That will be less work you have and will give you more time to spend freely. Everyone lives there, so everyone should have to help. It teaches kids responsibility, and teaches your husband how time-consuming it can be, which may give him a better appreciation of what you do every day. He has to realize that he cannot be your sole, or even mostly, main focus. You have FIVE children. That's a lot of housework and a lot of supervision. Split the housework up between you, him, and the kids, don't let anyone get away with not doing their share, and maybe you'll have more time to spend with him. This shouldn't be all your responsibility. He's a grown man, and should be able to realize that he has to help make it possible for you to give him what he wants. If he's not willing to help, then he's just being self-centered. You also need "you" time, or you'll find yourself burnt out.

Tracy - posted on 03/23/2014

3

20

0

Am I the only one that wants to throw up when I read these comments about how we wives need to take care of our husbands and that's our job, blah blah blah.
Here's the deal men need to grow up! They need to step up! They need to realize it is not all about them. SHOCK!!!
When you have children guess what- those are his children too! Step up dads and get more involved, help with the kids more, help around the house more. This is not 1945! And guess what husbands have a responsibility to their wife too!!
If these grown men would just give a little more time & help to their wives & children they would get more attention and they would get more time and lord knows they'd get more other things too.
If I have to constantly ask for help or constantly hear about his needs I'm turned off! Get off your butt and help for 10 minutes- I guarantee that husbands would all be happier if they did that!
And as moms ... Please realize we are raising the next generation of men, fathers & husbands. Please raise them to be good, helpful, involved men. What my husband grew up with is not how my son is going to be, that I promise you!

Pam - posted on 03/24/2014

7

0

1

Only you can say if this is just a phase or something else....If it is a phase then the solution is to find yourselves as a couple again. this could be going out for dinner...or breakfast once a week to a whole date night thing or real vacation.
Now if it isn't, could it be abuse. I don't like the term domestic violence because it makes everyone think of getting belted around, it's much much more than that. I prefer the term "intimate partner terrorism" It starts with psychological abuse: you can never do anything right. You aren't paying enough attention to him. You continually find yourself at the wrong end of a discussion/situation/argument and have no idea how you ended up there and how you ended up feeling like you screwed up. It moves into economic abuse: you cut back on your work hours, maybe quit (less money), he controls the finances. Then he complains that there isn't enough money and you need to contribute more...but you just quit to focus more on him and the kids...You wear old clothes and shoes because he needs to have a new suit to wear to his job. You drive the kids around in the old car with the bad breaks and he drives the new car to work.Then there is the isolation...You spend so much time focussing on him that you lose touch and have noone but him to turn to...
You see: Domestic violence is really about a pattern of power and control. A batterer feels entitled to be the center of attention.
Divorce doesn't have to be the only solution. Look into Batterers Intervention Programs. If he participates, if only to appease you, and completes the program, you can save your family

Lisa - posted on 03/19/2014

9

0

1

You have got to remember that you married your husband and not your children. yes you have a duty to your children, but your first duty is to your husband. It is a juggling act for us wives and mothers. My daughter understands that our time (my husband and I) is our time interrupted. I make sure to flirt with my husband DAILY. this makes him feel special. I will even flirt a little in front of our daughter. It is healthy for her to see.

Allie - posted on 03/19/2014

44

0

8

My husband gets frustrated with me because I work full time, and when i come home, i cook supper, do a few chores, and by the time Im done, its 9:00 and im ready for bed. I get up at 4:30 every day to drive almost two hours for work and back every day. He expects me to not only be a working wife, but a housewife as well. His mom even told me he was waited on hand and foot until pretty much we got married. (He's also an only child) Men wont admit it, but they NEED our attention. They NEED to feel needed and wanted. You have motherly duties, and wifely duties, but he needs to understand you cant do it all at once. Ive sat my husband down and explained to him how i felt about how he gets mad when Im too exhausted to wait on him hand and foot...and if your husband misses you and wants to spend time with you..why dont yall do something WITH your kids? time spent together is just that..time together. And the kids arent going anywhere. LOL. husbands are over-grown man children..they need moms attention too. :)

98 Comments

View replies by

Liz - posted on 03/28/2014

7

0

0

Hi! I have 3 children 17,15,8. I work full time Monday-Friday. When I get home I have to cook, etc. My husband claims I never have time for him. I understand you..

Gabby - posted on 03/28/2014

3

0

0

Hello, as a working mother of 7 children I understand clearly how your time is probably 100% consumed. You probably feel as if you don't have time for yourself more less for your husband. I'm going to suggest to take the time when everyone is asleep to talk and communicate about all the things you have to do by yourself and the reason why you don't have time for yourself and him. Talk to him about the nagging and how that's affects not only you but everyone around you. He should be helping 50/50 around the house. Also take time to do you and him things. It helps to hold special moments together. Make things fun by having a chore list and do cores as a family. It works! :-) Good Luck!

Yeng - posted on 03/27/2014

2

0

0

Hi!! Do you have a spritual life? Try attending a Bible based church, there are times in life that you cannot take the pressures and situations. Everybody needs friends and support . In Church you can make friends join fellowship and the kids can attend Sunday school and the grown ones with the youth group! Faith can move mountains!! Try it! It will change your whole family! My husband is like yours but through my fervent prayers God has changed him! God bless you dearly!!

Janessa - posted on 03/25/2014

289

10

0

As a mother of 5 children myself I know how hard it can be to balance everything. Nagging is never good from either party, it always brings down the other spouse. Divorce always seems to be the easy answer, but I don't believe it is easy, in fact in the end I believe it is harder. I try to focus on the things my husband does do that I do not have to do. If I were a single mom, I would be doing all of that. How do you guys communicate. My husband and I never try to bring each other down, if we have a problem and it is really bothering us, and yes it is actually usually me that has the complaint, he never complains about me, I simply tell him how certain things are making me feel, and leave him room to explain himself, and usually I realize there are always 2 sides to something. Another thing is while he does need to realize that the children do need you, you have to try and make time for him, which it sounds like you are trying to do. Sometimes its a matter of noticing all the kids are happy for the moment and just you two running to the room and locking the doors. Sometimes even when the kids start getting up on a Saturday, you lock your doors, and let them fend for themselves for a little time with your hubby, you can hear if it gets too crazy. Always make sure you two agree with how your children are being disciplined. If you do disagree with a method of his, never state that in front of them, talk to him privately in a non-threatening way. Love can always be re-kindled, but it takes prayer and inspiration, and patience. If he wants more time with you, ask him to help figure out what to do with the kids, so he can get more time. He may have great ideas on how to help you. Let him help you, hopefully he is. I know when I leave my kids with my husband, things don't go as I would have done it, but they do go, and everyone is happy, and that is good enough for me. Anyways, good-luck, please try and put divorce away. I know with divine help and the willingness of both partners to not give up, marriages can work.

Jennifer - posted on 03/25/2014

23

5

1

I have to remind my husband if he helped me with the house and kids then we would have more time for us. Make him help you!

Crystal - posted on 03/25/2014

3

0

0

This is a difficult situation most of us have to face. I am not taking sides but I can see both sides of the picture (trust me I live it). First maybe your children do consume a lot of your time, you love them, they love you, and you guys make each other happy. It is awkward for a father to see a fully functioning mother and his wife and not feel jealousy. Perhaps the older kids can chase after the younger ones for like the maximum of 2-3 hours, free play, movie time .... If you worry about fights I have learned children learn to work it out on their own.
When the children are occupied do not let them barge into that time gap. That is simply you and your husband.
I do know kids take advantage of that motherly love we give out until they have consumed every aspect of our lives. As I am typing this my step-daughter has my sketch book from art classes years ago for free time at school.
I am sure you are exhausted a lot of the time and need to vent, I am also sure you have done everything you can to give the guy a break and nothing seems to help.
I would even ask if he would be willing to sit down and talk with you about chores lists. Between the two of you discuss who (everyone in the household) could be responsible for something no matter how big or small. Then as a parental unit present it to the kids so they know you and your husband as a team are trying

Shando - posted on 03/25/2014

5

0

0

I really do pity u in the situation u ar in. I am wonderng if ths are hs real childrens who are making hm to b jelousy. If he finds u gve hm less attention as he claims, then he must help u out. Wth othr work and help u out with kids, bcos when work is divided, it bcomes so easy. I thnk he must put hmself in yo shoes and understand u, or else he wl keep blaming u. Sometimes as women we rush to thnk about divorce, where as ther are many solutions out ther. We need to have our voices heard by our husbands, gv out our thnkngs and views on othr worrying issues. Ths wl help us out.

Becky - posted on 03/24/2014

2

20

0

Tell him to grow up and get over himself... and you've not said anything about him helping you out with the 5 kids or the house work, cooking ... ect... Tell him that if wants more time with you then he needs to get off his duff help you out and then maybe just maybe you'll have time to share with him. He should be happy with just having 10mins. with you... with 5 kids ... your lucky you have 10mins. for yourself... Good Luck Honey... you need it!!! and GOD BLESS you and your family... Your a good mom and wife to put up with him... he really needs to count HIS BLESSING!!! to have you... and trying to please him, he is your HUSBAND!!! not one of your kids... He really needs to see what he can to for you... to make things easier!!! I'm sorry but this is 2014... not the 1950's Husbands do help out ALOT more today!!!

Donde - posted on 03/24/2014

20

39

0

I always have said that marriage takes work on both sides to make it last! If both parties aren't working together, then there is going to be a break down in the marriage. Have you tried sitting down and asking your husband why he feels the children are taking up too much of your time? Maybe what he is really trying to say is that he feels left out and would like to be part of that time. Maybe it's time to sit down and prioritize your schedule? Just a suggestion. Maybe do more together as a family. It's never healthy to argue all the time, and it's hard on the children to see that going on. So please for their sake try and sit down and work this out. There are things you can do together as a family. If your children are really young, then maybe you will have work harder at fitting in that time for your husband. Now if you are fitting in time for him, and he's just nagging you, then maybe ask him why he feels this way? What is it your doing that makes him feel so irritated all the time. Let me know how it goes. God bless you and your family!

Joanne - posted on 03/24/2014

6

0

0

Hi it's not ez being a mum and a wife wen both party needs u i do knw for i am a mother of six and one on the way but what ur husband has to do is join in with u sharethe moments to. Instead of complanning about u not having time he has try and understand and help balance thats what love is all about.

Kate - posted on 03/24/2014

5

0

0

Remember it takes two to create an argument. Don't engage in his fights - it won't do any good. When my husband gets grumpy or short with me, I used to think it was about me and get upset. Now I know he's worried or anxious about something else and I have to encourage him to open up about it. I'm not blaming myself anymore for other people's bad moods or behaviors. You attract more of what you don't want in life if you let that happen. So focus on yourself and being happy, hopefully he will follow suit.

Narol - posted on 03/24/2014

5

0

0

THANKS TO AMINE
I and John has been together for 5 years. We both put our capital
together to open a supermarket and since then we have
happily without any problem. I always discuss about marriage with John
but he replies me with, we will soon get married. I was surprise on
Friday evening when I was in my brother's house, John called me on phone
and told me that we can no longer carry on with the relationship
because he has find himself a rich a lady whom he want to get married
to. I shocked and hospitalize for 4 days. I was so tired and tried to
take my life because I truly love him. All the investment was opened in
his name and signature and I am left with nothing. One Sunday evening
when I was searching online for help, I was directed to aminespelltemple@yahoo.  com  I contacted him
and he told me what I need to provide for he to bring back my
happiness, immediately  i Provide it for him he told me to wait between
48hrs my Fiance will come back to me
, i waited for 48hrs the Next Morning i don't believe who i saw with my
two eyes Knocking My Door and he propose to me and said i want to Marry
you , i was in Tears of Joy and we are Happy Together now, thanks to amine spell temple for Helping me bring my Lover back to me .

Rusti - posted on 03/24/2014

12

0

0

Wow honey my heart broke for you when i read this. I believe some men are just like that and I'll be your friend..

Rusti - posted on 03/24/2014

12

0

0

Things will calm down, I have been married 32 years and even my husband had problems dealing with a little loss of some attention. We never wanted to divorce. It sounds like you are doing what you can. We implemented date nights even when we had no money , we would go for a drive , go to a park, when we could we took in a movie that wasn't Disney (lol) or a dinner and after kids go down even tired try to make time for him a little just you and him time . even an hour. Make HIS favorite dinners more, do little things , I love you notes in his lunches and tell him that alot everyday. this is normal for men to feel a little shoved aside.. another thing too is get him involved more with kids on non work days....Family days and date nights .. its worked for us. Now all four of ours are raised and we are extremely happy. We can take cruises etc. Life gets easier hun . Hang in there your marriage is worth it...

Rivka - posted on 03/24/2014

28

0

4

It's not the kids. It's not you.
It has to do with his personal identity and your relationship as a couple.
Where is he in his career/job? Does he have a hobby?
Is there something you both love to do together?

When I had my 5th child we had a crises. It was financial and emotional couple thing. I had issues at work and he was laid off his job.
Parenting is consuming no matter how many children you have. Financing as well.
So I signed us up to two courses. The first was how to open and run a business. It was realy helpful and going together gave us time together that was not late at night without the children. The second was a coaching course. Got us to work together and apart on our goals in life.
We decided the best part was that we were not tired. From then on we go out during the day when all our children are at school. Today we have 8 children.

Paula - posted on 03/24/2014

34

0

0

I think you should just sit down with him and have a frank discussion about everything. Ask him straight out what the problem is and how you both can resolve the issue. Pandering around the question and being tootsie to tenterhooks isn't helping anyone, believe me I know. It's better being frank and honest about both yourself and him, and the situation you are in. Talk about how you can reconnect as partners. Romance is mode important than sex. How can you do it if you don't feel like it? It should not matter how many kids there in a relationship. Journal for a week of everything you do, then show him and ask if there is anything that he can help you with. Ask him for a massage or vice versa. It will help you both to unwind and give you a chance to just be together without being at each other.

Mary - posted on 03/23/2014

5

0

0

I can totally sympathize with you...I'm a stay at home mom. I have a 16 yr old son from a previous marriage & my husband of four yrs has 2 boys, ages 6 & 10, plus we have a 28 month old little girl. Before my husband, I was a single mom who worked full time & went to college full time....(Also, no help from my ex-husband financially or otherwise & my son is a type 1 diabetic.) My husband is in law enforcement & I respect that he has a stressful job & even works off duty details so I don't have to work. We have shared custody of his boys & get them every other week for the entire week. When I get them, I spend the first 2 days dealing with the behavior from "no-rules, I want to be your friend," mom, who cares more about herself than her kids. She buys them whatever they want to shut them up. They have no respect for her & even tell her to shut-up. I have never had them be disrespectful to me, I just deal with them being nasty to each other for the first two days. She hasn't taken them to the doctor in the 4 years I've been married to my husband & prior to me, he took them to the doctor. I just had the 6 year old evaluated & he was diagnosed with ADHD & she wants to over medicate him so she can not be a parent. The preschool & kindergarten teachers know which week is our week without even seeing me because of the behavior in school. I know meds aren't the cure-all & parenting plays a big roll. With that said, back to my husband & my relationship....... Before we got married, everything was great. After we got married, he began to think that I have to do everything, from kids, cooking, cleaning, bills, appointments, my college classes, laundry, fixing things, yard work, etc.... His excuse is, he works. I even drove us to the hospital while I was in labor, stopped at ATM, & got him food... (Hospital was 45 minutes away.) Did I mention that I was also supposed to have neck & back surgery before I found out I was pregnant with our daughter. I live everyday with chronic pain... I barely get 4 hours of sleep a night. When he is home, he is so concerned with the gym and sitting on the couch... Again, I respect the fact that he has a stressful job & puts his life on the line everyday.... That he works extra shifts (4-6 hours extra a week.) But, that's no excuse for the nasty things he says or the laziness he shows. We fight... I try not too, so I leave to diffuse the situation. When I cry, he calls me pathetic.... There's no point in talking to him, because he's always right, even when he's wrong.... I stay because of the kids.....

Wow! Sorry about the venting.... (I don't have any friends because he says everyone is a scumbag.)

Katie - posted on 03/23/2014

6

61

0

We been together for 12 years engaged at my daughter sweetsixteen in 4 years of our realationship was getting wedding together but got pregnant in 2007 lost the baby at five months then all we want was to try and get pregnant again and everything was great had my son 2009 was planning of getting back to work after maternity leave then found out they were downsizing the company and I wind up losing my job getting his servants package and online support to get back to work and then me and my fiance decide to talk about me staying home insteadthen everything started getting stressful on him because he was only working at our relationship has changed after that and it wasnt same anymore no romance nothing just yelling and being nasty and very moody all the time when he came home from work

Maia - posted on 03/23/2014

7

0

2

I think it's hard for men to see the attention that goes to the kids instead of them, but on the other hand, they should be working hard to get your attention by giving you what you need, and I think a lot of men aren't good at that. I think it is a good idea to read some books so that you can learn better what to do. I, for example, bought the book "Hold ME Tight" which was very helpful, and also listening to the audio book Why Mars and Venus Collide, which is also very helpful. I think that in your case, as in mine, our husbands don't know how to give us the attention and don't know how to treat us like a woman, but it won't help to blame them or do nothing, so you may as well, educate yourself on what you can do to help the situation. You can also sit with him and see what he thinks would help, like sending them to classes/friends/daycare, and of course you should make time for only you 2 to do things together, and get someone to watch the kids. this is very important, even if you just go out for coffee the first time. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as once or twice a month at least you do something just the 2 of you. It can be during the day on a weekend, whatever, as long as you do it. He will appreciate this very much if you organize and plan this.

Jane - posted on 03/23/2014

3

3

0

Maybe if hubby pitched in more with the housework and the kids, you'd have more time for each other. You had help making those 5 kids, seems like your husband needs to step up and take some responsibility for them.
Also, unless you've got a couple of sets of twins there and everybody's still a preschooler, it's time the kids started taking some responsibility Kids don't need to be very old before they can start helping to set and clear the table, load the dishwasher, put their own clothes away and pick up after themselves. If your marriage is going to be saved, it' going to take all of you to work at it. If he's not willing to do that,

Jami - posted on 03/23/2014

0

0

0

I HIGHLY recommend the book The Five Love Languages (of course my husband wouldn't read it) but...I've heard from others that it saved or would have saved their marriages. We all need to have full emotional love tanks. If he doesn't feel loved, he can't give love. That said, I have similar issues with my husband and also struggle with what to do. We're going on 15 years of marriage and we have no healthy role models. (We both come from divorce.) Good luck!!!

Agatha - posted on 03/23/2014

25

6

1

I have 5 kids too but they are all in their rooms by 8 so my husband and I can have some time for us. My oldest two will read in bed till 8:30 or 9.
Make an after dinner list for each kid. What they need to get done before bed.
We have each kid tidy up their spot in the dinning room then spend 15min cleaning an assigned spot in the house. They then practice their dance, karate...then they get a small treat (gets them to get it all done quickly) they then get dressed for bed and brush their teeth. We say prayers as a family and they read till bed time. 7:30 for the littles and 8 for the kids over 8! Make a point to drop what you are doing and greet him when he comes home...show him that he is more important than anything else. Have you guys had a date night recently?? Don't give up and don't blame the kids it is not their fault. (hugs)

Katie - posted on 03/23/2014

6

61

0

I am a stay home mom and I am always dealing with him being nasty. I always here I work all day and expect him do everything. There time I feel our four year old is a bother to him because his daddy is always tired. I used to work before I had my son and my husband used to help around the house and cook every night because I get home at six and he go to bed at 830 because he got up earlier for work then me. It seems since I had my son and lost my job. He just thinks I am the one that does everything in the house and he makes the money. I can't take it anymore I feel like I want to leave. There hasn't been any romance in months. I keep tellinghimwe are not in the 1950 I been with him 12 years got engage at my daughter sweet sixteen I have two girl from my previous marriage. And been married for four years. It been great before I had our son and lost my job now it nothing but fighting.

Amber - posted on 03/23/2014

19

0

0

I imagine 5 kids would take up a lot of your time!! Maybe if he pitched in with them it wouldn't be such a stressor for you. If the kids are old enough have them help with age appropriate chores around the house to lighten your load a bit.
We as moms sometimes spend so much time putting our kids' needs ahead of our own we are too exhausted to be there for our spouses. They need attention as well; whether it's a cozy night on the couch watching a movie or talking about your day, or a sexy night of fun. I'm the first to admit I could not handle 5 children, which is why I only have one, so my hat is off to you.
Take time to talk to him when you are not fighting to ask him what he wants and what you can do to make him happy, but open the conversation up to what it is you need as well. It's about give and take, not for you to solely give.
If you love each other, take time together.

Susan - posted on 03/23/2014

24

8

0

to many jump to conclusions Some think he is jerk leave him, Most time there is an irriation and you need to find it. 5 kids an LONELY husband in all ways Sexless marriage only leads down hill trip with no return and healthy verbal conversations ... Find out by asking an experiment instead of posting on web for all to read your dirt or problems.

Shelly Annette - posted on 03/23/2014

6

0

1

So is my husband Matthew whenever I go out on a trip he thinks I am going to the Strippers Club I'm like hey man seriously I'm married to you!I always have to call him 24-7 he says where are you I say honey there is an ambulance coming I can't pull over with my hands on the cell phone whenever your husband is not getting through with you say I'm busy

App+7mnejhu - posted on 03/23/2014

0

0

0

Well first there's not a whole lot of info in ur question. The nagging on u part well give it a rest is what I would say to my husband of 14 years if he ever did nag me but he does not. 5 kids is a lot of work. We have 4 and we homeschool. My husband works out of state & is gone every other week for a week to 10 days at a time but when he is home he is hands on. He's a full time dad, occasionally helps around the house. I don't ask much of him bc I don't have to. He just does it bc as I said he's hands on. He wasn't always like this though. It took years of working together for him to fully understand. And now he's wonderful and ya with 4 kids there is not a lot of alone time but we do still pay attention to each other, flirt, have conversations and when things are busy or chaotic at home we text little flirty messages to each other or just a simple "I love you" our alone time is when all the kids go to bed. We make it a point to spend a little time together each night wether it be 10 min cuz one of us has to be up early or then another night it can be a few hours. So what if were a little tired the next day it's not like we stay up super late every night, just a couple times a week. But, effort has to come from both sides. As another poster pointed out this is not 1945 and we do not need to wait on our men hand & foot. That's bull & very old fashioned way of thinking. Some women/ couples like that lifestyle. Some don't. We do not. We prefer a very interactive lifestyle with our kids & each other. Our kids fully understand we are a married couple first & parents second but in the same breath we put equal importance on both roles. Good luck. God bless.

Okems - posted on 03/23/2014

4

0

1

Its usual that husbands sometimes get unconsciously jealous of their own kids, but i want you to understand something, in as much as your kids welfare is your responsibility, but always remember its your hubby you swore to live with and love for the rest of you life for better or worse. What im actually saying is this, he deserves as much love and time as your kids if not more, i think you should make a candle light dinner for him, in the dinner talk to him sweetly try to make him understand you, make him know he is still your utmost priority, but let him help you so that you two can take care of the kids and yourselves, as ashliegh said, you guys should do chores together, and please please please, don't ever offer him divorce, it will make him feel u don't love or need him anyways, trust me it will frustrate him the more. Apologize For offering divorce make him feel you cant do without him, and finally always remember to devote sometime for him, it must be a very romantic moment, stare into his eyes, tell him hows much you love him, and also ray that God steps in, cos he will make all things beautiful and new.

Ashleigh - posted on 03/23/2014

40

13

5

OK I gotta say something here. If you're both working, then you both need to share the household responsibilities, meaning he needs to put his big boy panties on and be a husband. Doing so will make more free time for both of you. And if he doesn't wanna pull his own weight, you gotta remember, your first responsibility is to your kids. Ask yourself, is it healthy for your children to see you verbally going for each other's throats? He may not want a divorce, and I do not advocate it unless there is no other option. But trust me, some instances it IS necessary. All one would have to do is look at my parents to see that. I honestly wish they had done it sooner. Would've saved my mom and I a lot of pain.

Jacqueline - posted on 03/23/2014

4

21

0

I've scene a lot of great ideas! My only other suggestion besides the ones already given is this: Try by starting a routine that when your husband returns from work, you and him etch out 10-15 minutes uninterrupted from the kids. Just husband/wife time. It's not much but it can help a lot.

Molly - posted on 03/23/2014

2

10

0

If he's nagging, there's a good chance that the problem isn't necessarily what he's nagging about, but something else, and the nagging is a way for him to express his feelings without really looking at what's really bothering him. A lot of the responses here talk about how he needs to "grow up" and such, but it honestly just sounds like he wants more "quality time" with just you, hence the claim that the kids take up too much of your time. Take a few minutes each day or evening, and spend it with just him, talking or maybe playing cards, or just listening to his day. Focus only on him. It can be after the kids are in bed, while they're busy doing something, but don't do anything else: just focus on him.

A good book that explains and gives ideas on how to help this kind of problem in marriage is "The Five Love Languages," and it talks about how a couple can really help boost their relationship by doing some very simple little things. I highly recommend it.

Kim - posted on 03/23/2014

8

0

3

Oh and as men get older, their nationality comes out and their dads and uncles behaviors come through. Sometimes that is just who they are becoming.

Kim - posted on 03/23/2014

8

0

3

First of all, you don't have to answer this to me but to yourself. How old is he. How long have you been married. Don't even bring up the word divorce because that is not the answer. You need to sit him down and have a long talk and it may get ugly before it get worse. But you need to talk to him. Don't think of the what if's, only look at, you tried everything. But most importantly are the kids. They didn't ask to come into this world. You are first and foremost their mother. Men get meaner as they get older. They get PMS and monthly changes. Did you know that the majority of men over the age of 50 are on medication for moods. If people say I am lying then they don't know what they are talking about. I live in the upper midwest where it is winter 8 months of the year and men are crabby, mean and lack the sun or outdoors. They can't help it. We come home from our jobs and school and there just isn't enough time to process everything. I call it the reentry phase of the day. The "oh hello". Men have the hardest time getting older and can't deal with it. Then they digress and have temper tantrums. In may marriage, we are finally over that awkward part. You will be fine. Just relax and talk to him. We are past the phase in my marriage of, this is my schedule for the day or this is where we are going, if you want to participate and be a part of our lives, then you must behave and be nice. OR stay home. They basically need a big slap in the face. I am going through this with about 12 other couples right now. Relax and smile!

Namulwana - posted on 03/23/2014

5

0

0

Sorry,have been going through the same thing but it's better to sit down and talk to him or talk Elders even Councillors.

Tracy - posted on 03/23/2014

3

20

0

Nothing hotter than a husband who helps his wife! Nothing hotter than a father being involved with his children! Simple.
Now If all men would just figure that out.

Donna-Marie - posted on 03/23/2014

8

0

4

Honestly i had the same situation for many yrs. Just over a yr ago i stepped up and put a stop to it because one of my kids told me that it was hurting them too much for their dad to be mean toward me and them. I swallowed my morals and got out with the kids as i feel they have the higher priority. It is a hard thing to go through and i feel for u and your childen. U need to have a few moments alone to find what u need for u ans ur kids even if it seems to kill u inside to think of all possibilies u need to think of all options and think of what ones u can end up doing by yourself with your kids to be happy. Or maybe he needs to learn to have more fun with the kids and you instead of complaining otherwise. Please take time to think and deside rationately. U need to do right by your kids and yourself. Take care and blessed be.

Abi - posted on 03/23/2014

4

0

0

Pray to show him more love and pray that you can figure it out. God wants your marriage to work out and If you pray for guidance The Lord will help you. If you don't know how to pray look on Mormon.org and some missionaries will come over and help you. Also, try and focus on all the good about him and show him respect. Listen to his parenting tips and don't undermine him when he helps out with th kids. Take one night every week to go out with him and get dressed up and spend some time with him!!!! Good luck & never forget the power of prayer. Also, I like to read the bible and other scriptures and inspirational words to get in the right frame of mind and realize that God wants to speak to you. As you read and pray and listen He will tell you what to do. Love from me! Best of luck! God out creator and friend is never far away when we reach out to him through prayer and reading his word. God loves us so he sent his son Jesus Christ to suffer for us and bring us back to him as we repent and turn unto him. Jesus Christ knows exactly how you feel. He has felt the pain and suffering of everyone and so he can succor is in our times of need. You could also try counseling, but you will know what to do if you pray with a soft heart and read the words of God. He wants out families to be strong and if you ask for help he will be they for you. He already is.

Applehaze - posted on 03/22/2014

6

0

1

I just read your post and it made me think. I don't know how old you are but you said you are an older mother. My mother was a baby boomer lived in the best time and fought for what was right. The spawns of the baby boom generation are known as the laziest and are no where near as responsible as our parents(myself included). My boyfriend's mother is awesome it's his father that babies him and never made him a responsible man. I find that to be so sad because he had both parents hence why his mother divorced his father all they did was fight. He would get mad if she made her son do dishes or take out the trash can you imagine. My mother was a single parent my father jumped ship after almost 20 years of marriage and I don't know how she did it. I now do not talk to her but she was always my super-hero because of her ability to work everyday and be the sole provider. Getting off topic sorry I just can't understand how baby boomers such rebels and fighters raise their children to be such wimps and not prepare them for the world.

Twixcy - posted on 03/21/2014

1

0

0

hello
my husband comment suicide 2 months ago. we marriage 5 years and we dont have our own children. the pain is on that day we eat together and we laugh together we share some jokes. and when the time come he like to mucn that I need to go to my parents house alone , and when I come back he hanging himself inside our house. it so pain I feel empty my mind mmy heart. im angry myself because I leave alone my husband in our house its so pain because he leave dor me a letter and what he say in the evening while we go to sleep that what he write in the last message for me. now im 32 years old wedows and I never think. I dont know how to move on. my family always in my side my parents.how I forget my husband his so good husband I never fined like him. I dont know how my life goes on.. now all memories of my husband I like to keep I can figure how he look while he hanging there. I cant take it back if I need to change my mind now I like to change my memories I like to empty it,.he give me everything all what I need.im so bad wife Im so simple women a simple wife. maybe that the reason. I dont know sad and pain it is. I speak to the tomb of my husband everyday I ask why why why you left me. I always say I love you always and I miss you always so pain its to late to say every minutes that words

Vernice - posted on 03/21/2014

1

7

0

So if you spend too much time with the kids what does he do? I hate men like that and if something went wrong with the kid it's our fault!! Typical !!

Fast4ramadan - posted on 03/20/2014

11

17

4

Your husband is a baby. Tell him to be a man and toughen up. You work and take care of 5 kids, you don't need another kid to take care of demanding your attention, you need a man who will help you.

Michelle - posted on 03/20/2014

17

22

2

A real man will learn, understand respect the needs of his children and put their needs before his own. My youngest has autism and my husband I've been with 17years would not agree with the anything to help his son, thought he had too many spots and did t agree with how I was doing things. Now where going through a nasty divorce, once we finally separeated my son is getting proper and approximate dare reguardless. Now he still trying to say things to son during his visits which he's lost his rights and which is more damaging. Just trying to let you know, put your kids first, especially the one you have mental emotional of psychological issues with. If dad don't like it, that's very unfortunate but you still need to do what your child needs not his. Be careful, I've been there, still am and it's the kids it effects more. If your husband is miserable then watch it in the home environment how it's effecting your children. Most parents going through similar issues as yours don't see it until they remove themselves. It's sad but a fact. Best of luck to you.

Allie - posted on 03/20/2014

44

0

8

Women have the hardest job in the world. actually, we have two if we are married, have children, and if you work you have THREE full time jobs. its not easy by any means, but we do it because we love our kids and husband..but its not the 50s like previously stated. The family is no longer just the wife's responsibility. Our husbands (to their dismay) have to pitch in too. Otherwise the family will fall apart. I hope everything works out for yall!

TeeDee - posted on 03/20/2014

9

0

2

JD & Ebere,
Do take it easy any moment you can. We can only give so much until nothing is left of us, and that isn't doing ourselves or our families a favor. If hubby doesn't get involved with those kids, he will regret it, my ex cannot seem to have a decent conversation or encourage our beautiful kids at all, and they're almost grown, want little to do with him though they have tried, so it's pretty much almost too late for him to form a relationship. And he doesn't even see that he is contributing to his misery 100% more than they are, they are after all, the children. Well, I pretty much married a child in him -- spoiled, given everything, demanding, and angry anytime he doesn't get his way. They aren't bad kids, just normal kids who've made a few mistakes, in fact, they have had terrific grades and work hard at school and work, except for our one emotionally disabled one who will always struggle. My kids know to come to me for unconditional love, and redirection .... when they make mistakes, we talk about it, suffer some consequences, and redirect .... their father yells, accues and writes them off. Thank God my second husband works hard, gives me space and loves our kids -- he was also like a child, but has realized I just couldn't allow him to drain me of everything until I'm nothing like my first husband. God bless ... I truly hope all of you have better experiences than my precious kids and I have had with their father. Divorce, I have said, is a life-long curse. Life can get better with communication and effort, and lots and lots of prayer. I am also a 14 year member of AlAnon, because ExH was a drinker ..... taking it One Day at a Time.

Ebere - posted on 03/20/2014

3

0

0

My dear, take it easy; try as much as possible to make your self happy. Dont ever think of negleting your kids because they are your asset. If you invest in them you will surely get the reward. As for your husband, try the much you can to involve him in raising the kids otherwise he will live to regret it in future. Be happy, Your husband may not always be there but your kids will and they will never abandon you. Goodluck my dear and may God give you the starength to carry this CROSS.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms