my husband is having an affear

Mariela - posted on 10/02/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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hello, I need help, I found out that my husband is cheating on me, I asked him to leave the house and he does not want to leave, I have a 11 year old boy and a 17 year old girl. My son does not want my husband to leave. help please, what should I do?

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Vicki - posted on 10/02/2012

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Him refussing to leave is this cause he regrets it and wants to work thing out? I would recomend marriage councelling

Ariana - posted on 10/02/2012

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I would find a couples councellor and tell your husband if he wants to stay he needs to go with you. At this point I don't think you or your husband are in a position to be leaving each other. As much as it seems like a good idea you and your children will have many issues with it. Even though I am sure you are incredibly angry with this man I'm also sure there is a part of you that loves him. If you seperate with him right now you will be trapped in your pain for a long time.



If you seek councelling you can both either figure things out and get back together or figure out that this isn't working and be able to seperate in a healthier manner than you will now.



If you ultimately decide to seperate please find a mediator apposed to a lawyer who can help you with the seperation and never speak badly of your childrens father in front of them, no matter what he does.

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Theresa - posted on 10/02/2012

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It's time to get a lawyer hun. Close all joint accounts, start your own account, and start looking for a place to live. If he won't leave you need too with your children. Do NOT keep them from their father what-so-ever. I am living in a situation now where my husband cheated on me when I was 3mos pregnante with our son. He moved out and in with his girlfriend who was 13 years younger. 3 years later she left him with the guy she was cheating on him with. I was stupid and let him move back in under the impression he wanted our marriage back. He still lives here but over the last year he has been "dating" his current girlfriend and rooming with our now 3 year old son. It has been pure hell, but I am stuck and cannot move out. He refuses to leave and keeps me from moving on with my life. I suggest getting yourself into some therapy too. It's time to make his life as miserable as he is making yours. Do not allow certain behaviors to occur in your home or around your children. Do NOT allow him to sleep in the same bed with you!!! In my state you could sue the girlfreind for "Alienation of Affection" and "Criminal Conversation" if you have proof of the affair. Do it!!! It's going to be hard for all of you. Your children should be allowed to voice their feelings to both of you. It would do him some good to hear how his actions hurt everyone. Don't argue with him, especially in front of the kids, but make it clear that if "wants" to continue to live there certain bounderies will be maintained. List what you expect from him in the terms of perental responsibilities, household chores (stop doing his laundry!), and the new rules in reguards with what you will not tolerate in behavior. Do not discuss the affair, especially if you want him back. Trust me, you still love him in some small fashion or you would not be asking for help here. I still love my husband, but the pain does get easier to deal with. Asking about the why or how will only hurt you more and you won't get the answers you think you want to hear. Stay strong, but let your kids see you cry. They need to know you hurt too. I know I felt like I was dying when he left and cheated on me.

Mariela - posted on 10/02/2012

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Thank you both, the situation is that he denies that he is going out with this girl, my husband is 41 year old and the girl is 26, I know her, she is the receptionist where we both go for physical therapy and just thinking that I have to go there again it makes me nervous, I don"t know how Im going to feel being there knowing she's there too.

My husband is a very controlling man, he is rude to my kids sometimes and they get frustrated at time, when my kids don't listen to him my husband disconnect the internet, tv cable, and punish them like that. Also my husband say to me that I am crazy because he is not cheating on me, but i have the proofs and he knows. I was thinking to go to family court to fill out the separation application. Should I do that?

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