my husband is on drugs and i dont know what to do.......

User - posted on 05/27/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

5

0

0

I have been married to my husband for going on 8 years, he is a veteran and has been out of the armed forces for about 2 years...Just recently in the last 3 or 4 months he has been smoking oxy codone and heroin, I thought he was just taking pills for his pain. He has disc disease in his back and a shattered shoulder. I just recently found out how bad it really was......I am devistated, we have 2 small children and I love him with all of my heart, but i feel like if i sit around and watch him go on this downward spiral then i am wrong....but i DO NOT want to leave him....if he goes into treatment he will loose his job..and im not even sure he wants help. I dont know if its being messed up from the Army or if its me, I just dont understand why he would do this now. I dont know what to do, part of me wants to leave to see if it will wake him up a little....but then i dont want to raise these kids by myself...what do you do when your perfect little marriage falls apart..I am lost.

9 Comments

View replies by

User - posted on 05/29/2012

5

0

0

yes michelle my husband went to afghanistan 3 times while he was in the army... i have also heard that too....where they get out and start using because of the trauma....he is currently receiving help from the va, he has gone through some very intense therapy and that was working for awhile but he is stuck in a rut all of a sudden...he has resorted to lying and being shady and i fear that something worse could happen if this doesnt stop...my guard is up all the time...i dont believe anything he says and honestly i doubt if that will EVER change...i have told him that we need marriage counseling, then he cries and says its the first step to divorce..im bitter and mad and hurt....

[deleted account]

There is something that comes to mind. You had said that your husband was in the armed forces and had started this drugs about 4 months ago. Was your husband in the war or anything, where he had killed? If he did, then that could be his reason for the drugs, that he can't hack the pain from the things he saw and what went on.

Margot - posted on 05/27/2012

11

4

2

Very hard situation. I understand not wanting a broken family. However my first concern would be the children's safety. Unfortunately the more he gets involved in the drug situation and the lifestyle attached to that the more their safety is compromised. Good luck.

Margot - posted on 05/27/2012

11

4

2

Very hard situation. I understand not wanting a broken family. However my first concern would be the children's safety. Unfortunately the more he gets involved in the drug situation and the lifestyle attached to that the more their safety is compromised. Good luck.

User - posted on 05/27/2012

5

0

0

I have talked to him about it...the first time I realized that it was an issue I told the guy he was getting the pills from that he would be smart to not answer any texts or calls from my husband ever again, but i should have known that drug dealers dont give a shit, they just want money....im sure I could have this guy put away if i wanted to. I definitely dont keep it bottled in, he knows how i feel and he knows it hurts me so bad....this is why i am so baffled as to why...then I realize its because he is an attict. He is consumed with that feeling he gets from being high and really nothing else matters. We maintain to not fight in front of the kids so they dont know anything is even up...we live a pretty un-orthadoxed life so nothing is ever REALLY normal, I have never wanted to have my family broken, I come from a broken family and I dont ever want that for my kids...I keep telling myself that this to shall pass and we will get through it, but im afraid im becoming a little pessimistic.

[deleted account]

Angela, it is okay to love someone. It doesn't matter who they are. They can be the worst person in the world and someone can have love their for them.
If your husband isn't mean. That is great. If you feel comfortable around him. Talk to him..Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you cannot watch him do this to himself. Tell him that it is hurting you and you cannot keep feeling this way. You tell him everything that comes to your mind. Let him know that you love him and that you are there for him. But you cannot keep on watching him doing this to himself, to you and to your marriage. If he loves you , he will do everything possible to stop. If he loves your family, he will stop.

You need to talk to him and put things out there. If you don't, it's going to keep eating you up inside and cause you to get sicker than you are. Do it before it gets worse and harder for you and him and your family. Your children may not know that he is on drugs, but children aren't stupid, they know alot more and understand alot more than we all think and realize.

User - posted on 05/27/2012

5

0

0

thanks for the support...it means alot, I feel very alone in this situation. Fortunately my husband is not mean AT ALL...he is one of the sweetest men ever, I think thats one of the many reasons I fell in love with him, the children are never exposed to him doing drugs he will just come home loaded, and they cant tell, he really acts normal (for someone under the influence). Sometimes I think that he uses pain as an excuse to use...actually i know he does. This is just so hard for me because we have always had an amazing relationship, one that people always commented on...he loves me more than anything i know that, but I question his love when he knows that this is killing me...I am trying not to get stressed out because it only makes me sick (physically)..like i REALLY got sick when i found out and had to put myself in check because I dont want to end up in the hospital. This is all so new to me that I think im still in denial...like maybe its just a faze, or its ok i love him..but the truth is..its not ok.

Rachel - posted on 05/27/2012

444

43

130

WEll you dont want your kids to see your husband on drugs. Maybe try talking to him tell him you are going to go away for a bit while he works on getting clean. Good luck but please do not allow your children to see that.

[deleted account]

Angela, My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your pain that you have to bear. IF your husband is on drugs, Have you spoke to him about it? Is he mean? If he is mean and on drugs, then I would be careful, for something could happen. If he isn't mean and wants to listen to your feelings, then I would ask him to stop. There are other ways to help him with the pain. He could get herbs to help. You have to check it out. If he doesn't want to listen and hear you out, then you might want to give him an alternative....the drugs or you..... If he says you...then you need to tell him his options. If he dont' give a crap...you might want to leave. If he is in alot of pain and on drugs, he could do something that he wouldn't normally do. Drugs can cause a person to react in a way that hasn't been before. You also have to think,....Are you comfortable with him the way he is or are you scared? If you are scared, then you better go by your instincts. If you don;t , it may cause you more problems than good. If you feel that he needs treatment and could loose his job. If the treatment will help him.. I would do something for him to get treatment, wether he looses his job or not. He can always get another job. He cannot get his life back...
But if you feel very uncomfortable about him, think what is best for your children. You may not want to be a single mom or anything. But, you can get help. Be strong, listen to your heart. I hope that everything goes well for you.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms