My husband is showing another side of himself

Ashlie - posted on 09/06/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I am a very young mom and young wife.My husband supports me and now our baby. Being pregnant is not easy when your emotional but its not easy either when i have started noticing signs about my husband that I was worried in the past i would some day see. The other day we were talking about how I would like my mom to stay with us a night or two after the baby is born to help me with everything. My husband got pretty upset and brought up how he pays the rent and its his choice. that same day we found out we could paint our babys room and i told him how special it would be since i cant really do it if he painted. Then he brought up how he wont do it because he works 60plus hours a week.He has two days off and all he does is play video games. Maybe im over reacting but im just worried that he is getting this controlling side to him because he has the job and he brings home the money. I have told him before i would'nt mind getting a job but he doesnt want me to have one. I dont know what to do.Ask moms for advice

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Lisa - posted on 09/06/2012

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he sounds overwhelmed. first part of marriage and being a mom is hard at the first. believe me your not alone. things (can) get better. someone once told me 90% of things in life we can control ourselves and 10% is out of our control. why does it sometimes feel its the other way around is cause its how we react or respond in situations its up to us we can either blow up take it another way or handle things by communication. communication is the #1 thing in life that is the most important. without it u seriously wont get anywhere. yes men arent always the prime example of communicating back. but over time u need to take control over how u respond or act when he tells u no or he cant. ur not in the wrong! u just got to look into things more and ask him what hes feeling . then maybe he will open up. do it at a time when theres not a baby crying or the tv on. hope that helps good luck lisa

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Lisa - posted on 09/13/2012

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my husband and i got married when i was 18 years old and we had a baby right at first which made things harder and more stressful! less time for us and more time for being parents which we both didnt know how to do either lol. we got in a lot of fights thats for sure. but as we have let time pass and both of us got use to being a mom and dad and husband and wife we learnef many lessons through love and committment. we learned how to communicate. boy i wish i learned how to do that a long time agowew. we enjoy each others company and want to be around each other and no one else! always try to make time for the two of u once a week weither its going on a walk or getting icecream so u guys can renew your relationship. cause if u have a strong relationship now and when your kids get older it will give your children a sense of security in the home! u can do it girl i promise.

Ashlie - posted on 09/08/2012

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I have always felt bad with him bringing in the money but looking at it as him wanting to just be "the man" makes me understand a little more. I gave up on ever having that fairy tale marriage once i realized that this is real life involving arguments,bills,and just stress beyond stress. but i know we love each other very much its just hard being young and we have only been married for 5 months and now we are having a baby,which is great. haha YES my hormones are beyond out of control. i cry over the most ridiculous things. but i have really found this site and talking to you women very helpful. :)

Lisa - posted on 09/08/2012

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its ok to wsnt to try and help with the money coming in. it also sounds like your husband is working really hard if hes putting in 60 hrs a week. by him telking u he wants u to stay at home hes most likely saying let me be a man and take care of my family. it puts some men down when we try to helo out that way cause guys want so badly to feel secure with themselves in knowing their doing a good job. when my husband and i got married 7 years ago we were doing the same thing as u guys it was either his way or the highway. and over time with lots of patience and practice and never giving up we now although still way far from the fairytale marruage are able to comprimise. right now from what it sounds like u r pregnant?!? this is a neat time to focus on ur baby and bonding with him or her. try hard not to let things get to you which is hard cause thats when your emotions are all over the place. im pregnant too and our minds arent always ready to be rational when we got the high level of hormones. build yourself up by being around hsppy and cheerful people who uplift you. try showing for one week complete dedication to your hubby showing him service and love. sometimes that breaks them. things arnt going to be so exciting and romantic all the time. things change after you get married then theres another transitiin when you start having kids. when kids come into the picture its less hubby and wifey time. try to know that things will get better trust that it will. when one person gives up it makes it a lot harder. stay in it and wait for.the fun to start. do all u can do to male things work. dont worry about what hes not doing. help him be the man he had the potential to be"!!!

Ashlie - posted on 09/08/2012

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I talked to him and of course like usual he got defensive. He always does gets angry whenever i try to express my feelings of something that effected me. Id love to have a job though because what if something were to happen to me and him then how would i be able to support my baby. but every time i say i applied for a job or that im looking he tells me how he wants to be the one to provide for us and wants me to stay at home. i keep applying hoping i can get hired somewhere but havent heard anything back from anywhere. Im so worried that will all this stress its effecting my pregnancy and putting stress on the baby.

Sophia - posted on 09/08/2012

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wait he does not want you to get a job ! I mean its your life .. but no woman should have to ask if she can get a job. sorry but you need to know that some man will enjoy their fact that you have no choice ..... I mean if you are happy most of the time GO GIRL !

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