My Husband is UNHAPPY with EVERYTHING

Ashley - posted on 02/04/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I don't even know where to begin except that I truly just needed to get this off my chest in hopes to find other women who feel the same.
I have been dealing with HIM for years, that lazy man who thinks I am nothing but a nag. He has never been truly interested in our daughter in the 6 years she has been alive. Although I credit him - he comes home every day and works hard for us...for 8 hours a day. I work as a GM at a country club I work in the summer sometimes 12-15 hours a day...and then come home to a full load of responsibilites. He has never paid the bills - the one time he did we were just starting to live together and he blew all of our rent money so he had to sell his car. Wow just writing that makes me think RED FLAG. Of course I ignored it because I loved him. He has a great sense of humor and I think thats what I love most about him, that and he WAS so nice and loving...WAS!!! That WAS years ago,. Now trust me ladies I have talked with him about his laziness, mood swings, well point is I have communicated very maturely about it and sometimes he gets it...FOR 3 DAYS and then back to hating life.
A good example...so he started Strattera just recently for his ADD and what not, well for a few days he seemed to be more happy, he even did some chores and snow blowed outside...for real that's a big deal to me. So last night his moods came back and he told me, "stop looking at me like I live in a zoo" Truly all I did was a glance at him, no longer than maybe 5 seconds...My daughter wanted to show him something that was important to her and she felt like he would like it too. Well we both looked at him and apparently that tipped him off, that and I wanted some ice cream and he says, "no then I have to get it for you" All I had said was, "Man I would love some ice cream" (phew) Anyway I have learned through the years that there is a list the size of a mountain of things I do wrong, things I say, how I move, where I sit, what I do when I am sitting, oh and A HUNDRED OTHER THINGS TOO...but only when he is in his moods. When he is nice he is that man, the man I knew and fell in love with.. this only happens when we are alone for a weekend away (2 times a year) or when he is not bothered at all...by bothered I mean he comes home, sits down, and plays games on his phone or ps3 or watch netflix, this is what he does. If I am at work this is what he does and our daughter plays in her room alone....or on her ds or on her computer...now a game of UNO would be wayyy to much for him.
I text him at her dinner time making certain he has started it and she has her homework done, sometimes he lies and says she is good, I get home around 8 and the homework is still not done, the bath is not started, but hey they had plenty of time in front of a screen....
We live with my brother who is younger and has a butt load of problems himself yet he seems to be growing into a real man. I watch him change, and live, and see him help my daughter and play with her and love her like a true father would. He makes her yummy suppers when my husband does not and he says good night to her every night- my husand does not.
I thank the lord everyday I have my brother here - my daughter can see what a real dad is like. I mean my husband doesnt even have the patience to help her learn how to ride a bike. Seriously he gets mad at her and calls her names like wussy or something. That in turn makes me pissy and then all hell breaks loose.
Well this a just a sample of my life and although we just had one of those great weekends away- we are back here in hell - he sleeps on the couch for his snoring and I lie awake upstairs planning out my future alone...when my daughter leaves I will find a nice condo somewhere and live my life instead of walking on egg shells and hiding my mc donalds lunch bags so I dont get in trouble.
He has never hurt me yet...in almost 10 years he has never swung at me or beat me in ANYWAY he just emotional tears me apart because that is how he feels inside and he pulls me in with him so I fell just as terrible as he. I am here for my daughter, I am here for her, I am staying here with her every moment I will not divorce him (can you imagine my daughter at his house?) he would not be able to care for her without me. So I will stay, I will waste another 10 years of my life because I made the best investment in the world with him...HER
Thanks to any who read this, although I know it is like a short story- THANKS for reading, and maybe just maybe I will find a friend out there who can feel the emptiness and sadness like I do...because I am a happy person that lives in a sad world. I love the world and nature and my job and my daughter when she smiles or laughs or even cries...i love my pets and my little life in this big house...it just feels so lonely and empty.
PEACE-
Ashley

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/04/2014

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2015

Every relationship takes work.. I have read the post, and from what I can see, you've never really expected the man to do much beyond work to provide for you...Yes, I see that you have your own job, but husbands, much like children, need guidance at first so that they know what you expect of them, what they can expect of you, and what the two of you must expect of each other for a relationship to work.

I sense a lot of frustration. I sense that you didn't find a way to let go of the control, even just a little, there at the beginning, so that the relationship could evolve into that of two mature people. I see it a lot in relationships, actually, one or the other being the manic "in control" personality, and the other just shuffling along until they're told what to do, how to do it, and when or how often...not a fulfilling relationship for either of you, and I bet if you were to ask him, he'd say he's frustrated with you not feeling like he can 'do' anything with out your help.

Counseling my be a good idea. Otherwise, you say you'll "endure"...But what does that teach your daughter? What does that teach her about 'real' relationships, and how households 'should' be run? It teaches her that if she doesn't have the energy or fight to change something, she should just live with it, because, oh well...so when she grows up, and ends up in an abusive relationship, and you want her to leave, she can say "but you stayed..."...

Excellent example. Get counseling. It can only help, and perhaps save the family dynamic that you are looking for.

Jane - posted on 02/04/2014

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but the meds hes suppose to take he doesn't take them at all so it sucks ive told him please just take your meds maybe they will help what gets to me is omg we can be watching a commercial about bipolar and hell be like maybe I should try that. idk my mom keeps telling em to just be calm and itll work out that if I love him I should just be there but I feel omg its only been 7 months that ive known him period . I do love him and wana help but hes pushing me away but I feel its never going to be the way I want it to be unless he starts seeing his daughter. idk im just so confused but as for your situation... I wana tell you to just leave since your unhappy and you and your daughter deserve so much more but who are we to say that right... and you've told him exactly how you feel ohh and btw he tells me that too that all I do is nag when im telling him how I feel he tells me im being annoying the nerve

Jane - posted on 02/04/2014

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Well I read this and wow yeah you spoke to me although I havent invested that much time with this man. I am going through the same thing im going to tell you a little about what im going through. Ok so im 24 with a beautiful 3yr old boy I live on my own work have my own car . Ive been dating this man for 7 months now when i first started dating him it was nothing but bliss i felt so loved he was so good to me well loved me. well ok when I met him up until the 4th month did he tell me he was diagnosed Bi-polar Depression. Which ok I get. Alot of my family has that ive seen people go through it I know what its like kinda. ok well this man has two little girls both of them he doesn't see nor does he have custody of them he claims one of them isn't his has never met her anything shes 4 and his other daughter he was actually with the mother for about 3 years and he said the breakup was ugly he tried to kill him self all this stuff. he is prescribed xanex for anxiety depression lortabs and addaral... soo many so hes always up down. Well my thing is he basically told me hes never going to love my son the way he should cause he doesn't see his daughter which makes me so sad cause my son deserves all the love he can get. I say daughter cause he only claims one! which is stupid cause hes obvously is paying for two. And recently it has been even worse his depression because he lost his job a month ago but isn't trying to look for a different job that he wants to just chill for a bit wtf is that chill for a bit wow hes 25 ohh ya btw forgot to say spoiled as shit his parents pay for his sports car payment ha must be nice right.. he basically to me is still has a kid mentality like he goes through weeks one week hes good and he loves me and the next hes depressed hes sad and its driving me crazy!!! I dont know wether to stay or go my mom says that god put him in my path for a reason and a big part of me wants to help him get better but how am I suppose to help someone who doesn't wana help himself..... Help im so confused should I stay or should I go

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