My husband left while I was pregnant haven't seen him in a year now he wants shared custody. help!!

Haley - posted on 08/01/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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OK so it's an extremely long story but here goes. I found out i was pregnant last may and my boyfriend and I decided to get married. We got married in June and it went downhill right after. We argued, we fought, he constantly accused me of cheating. He moved me from where I was living thinking things would change and because he didn't want me in a town where I had dated people. It got worse. I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore that it was too much too soon and I wanted to move back home and be close to my family. But back home happened to be 2000 miles away. Jobs are scarce here so I told him to stay up there and save up money and it would give us a break. He didn't want to so he moved with me. He was here for 2 weeks before he left. We were arguing over me having male friends because he didn't like that I had them. He didn't even like me talking to my moms male friends who I had known my whole life. So we were arguing and I told him this is stupid that I was going for a walk. I was gone for maybe 20 minutes. When I got back to the house his car was packed and he was saying his goodbyes to my family. I was 4 months pregnant. This month will be a year since i have laid eyes on him. Our child is 7 months old. Now he wants shared custody and to take him NEXT summer. But he hasn't even met our child. He's only seen pictures. He barely sends money. Is this considered child abandonment? I really need help on this.

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Dove - posted on 08/01/2014

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And to let you know... my son was 3 the first time he spent a month w/ his father that he barely knew. It was rough on me... and VERY rough on my son when he returned home (thankfully he was 'ok' w/ his father)... but it's our life and there is nothing I can do other than do my best to help my son through it all.

Dove - posted on 08/01/2014

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Get a lawyer and go to court. 7 months isn't abandonment in many places... and is only abandonment if you pursue it in court BEFORE he shows an interest in the child... plus, he has been paying 'some' money (even if it's barely... any money shows 'involvement'). The chances of him getting joint custody due to the two of you living so far apart are VERY slim... as are the chances of him getting to take a toddler away from his mother for a large chunk of time.... but he IS the father and he has rights and, more importantly, your son has a right to a relationship w/ his father. You need to understand and accept that this man WILL be involved (if he chooses to do so) in your son's life... and in yours for at least the next 18ish years. It is certainly a frustrating situation, but such is life. Good luck!

Amy - posted on 08/01/2014

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It may have been considered that had you pursued it in court but you didn't and now he wants to be a dad he should have that right. You should go to court and get support established and custody.

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